gtop (kwon jiyong x choi seunghyun) || R || 4,000 w
gtop (kwon jiyong x choi seunghyun), unrequited topdara (choi seunghyun x sandara park), minor topcl (choi seunghyun x lee chaerin) || R || 4,000 words
warning; this fic contains murder and a slightly vague smut scene.
if you can't handle that, please don't read it.
disclaimer; I don't own anything in this fanfiction, only the plot, and I am very sensitive about that fact, okay.
obsession,
If only I could hold you once,
I want you for myself, you by yourself,
that's my obsession,
I’m getting crazier the more I meet you,
don't tell me please, don't tell me,
don't run, don't escape,
“… Dara?” Seunghyun breathes, watching Dara’s eyes slip close, her last, shaky breath almost inaudible. Her mouth stays open, but no oxygen goes in. Soft drips can be heard, the drops that fall from her chest to the mossy ground, staining the earth and little branches red. The pool gets bigger and Seunghyun inches back, his wide eyes scanning her body. Her legs are tangled with themselves and her long evening dress, and Seunghyun remembers the way his breath had stopped when she walked in wearing it, he remembers the way the blue of the dress hugged her curves gently, the way the dress had smelled - like coconut - when he had finally held Dara close. He remembers the way the fabric had torn when the knife he held in his pocket went through it. The knife, he’d bought it in a high-class antique store, is embedded with blood-red rubies, and the blade encrypted with an ancient language, reminding him of something Celtic. The words are illegible now, the red fluid covering it. Seunghyun stands up and runs back to the place where he had planned a romantic date with Dara. He puts everything back in his bag, excluding a handkerchief, and then makes his way back to where Dara's lifeless body is laying. He looks at her some more, admiring her pristine skin, her soft, curly hair that was thrown across the ground like a wavy ocean, her heart-shaped, smooth lips. Seunghyun kneels down next to her, covering his hand with the handkerchief. He brings his hand to the ancient dagger and pulls it out, the blade leaving her heart with an obscene sound. Seunghyun drops the knife next to him and strokes Dara's cheek with his hand, his fingers leaving a bloody trail on her snow white skin. A translucent drop falls onto the trail. A tear.
“Dara...” Seunghyun breaths again and he falls down, his back hitting a tree. His breath quickens when he sees the blood on his hands - and wrists, sleeves, the skin of his chest were his shirt was unbuttoned a bit, the ground, Dara's breasts, collarbones, neck. He sees the knife and the wound on her chest and he realizes. He realizes what he has done. Dara is gone. A part of him is absolutely horrified, but the other part of him is ecstatic, thrilled. Now that she's gone, she can't be nobody else's. Now she's gone, she's his forever. When Seunghyun dies he'll be reunited with her in the afterlife, where they'll have eternity together.
Seunghyun remembers when he had first laid eyes on her. He had been drowning in misery and liquor at a busy club where the coloured lights dominated. He had seen her from his peripheral view when he'd downed another shot of tequila. She had radiated with happiness, giggling about men with her friends. Her long, brown hair hung loose, curls surrounding her face. He had turned to look at her through all the people, for it hadn't been hard to spot her. Her smile had been bright, seeming as if it illuminated the room. A man had walked up to one of her friends, a friend with even longer red hair and the friend disappeared with the man, off to dance. It hadn't taken long before all of her friends were on the dance floor, and as if fate had decided, she had spotted Seunghyun. Seunghyun had held her gaze as she walked towards him. She'd introduced herself as Dara Park, and Seunghyun knew he was in love. However, Seunghyun had his issues and it had been impossible to talk to her. He had been able to blurt out his own name before he shut down. Another man, short and with a mohawk, had hijacked her away from him.
Seunghyun had never felt so hurt and angry in his life and it did not matter that it was about a woman he did not know.
After that evening, Seunghyun had found out everything about her. Where she lived, what she did for a living, what she loved and what she hated, who her friends were, her parents, her lovers, her foes.
And now, after a good year, he had written a note, a note inviting her to the forest near her house.
I am not brave. I am in love with someone I have spoken to only once. I am in love with the perfect woman, with perfect hair, eyes, lips, hands, and a perfect soul. I have finally collected enough courage to write a note to you, because I want you to know who I am. I promise I will take care of you well.
Please come. If you do not, or are not willing to return my feelings, then I will leave you alone, I promise you this.
Put your most beautiful dress on and be my princess.
He had written, and he had watched her reaction from afar. He'd seen her blush and smile, even though a bit of worry was visible in her eyes. Seunghyun had put on a handmade suit, and had taken a portable stereo with him for music, along with some candles and wine. Then he had waited for her.
“ Seunghyun heard footsteps in the distance and saw a slim silhouette. “ Hello?” An uncertain voice spoke. Then Dara entered the clearing and stopped to stare at Seunghyun. Seunghyun's breath hitched and he smiled with insecurity hidden in it.
"Hello..." He murmured and looked down. "My name is Choi Seunghyun... You... met me at a club, but I... I shut down. See, I, I'm not good at talking to women. So when you walked up to me, I didn't know what to do, but I knew I had fallen in love with you the minute I had seen you. So... I don't know, I kind of searched up your address and... Then... I didn't know how to approach you. I couldn't figure out how to talk to you. I found out that you actually worked in the same neighborhood as me, and so I saw you a lot... You never saw me though... I... just... for a while it was enough to just look at you, how you smiled, how you messed around with your friends, but after a couple of months I had to talk to you. It took me so long-"
"Wait." Dara interrupted him and for the first time since Seunghyun had started talking he looked up. He saw the expression he had feared. Fear. "When did we meet?" She asked, taking a cautious step back. Seunghyun took five large steps and he was in front of her.
Seunghyun grabbed her arm tightly with a pleading look on his face. "I... Don't go. We met... A year... Three weeks, four days and 1 hour ago. I think. No wait!" He added as Dara tried to pry her arm loose. "Don't go! I know it's bad to watch someone for so long but just listen-"
"No! Do you know what you did, huh?" Dara interrupted him again. "You have been stalking me! LET ME GO!" She yelled and flailed her arm. She succeeded in getting loose and ran for it. Seunghyun cursed, not wanting to face the reality he would have to face if she were to escape. Dara ran as fast as her legs could, her high heels digging into the mossy ground. She looked back and saw Seunghyun approaching, his long legs easily catching up to her. It took a few moments and then Dara felt an arm wrap around her waist.
“LET GO, DON’T DO THIS, PLEASE LET ME GO!” Dara screamed and threw around her arms and kicked around with her legs and tried to scratch whatever skin her nails could find.
“Dara, Dara, please, calm down, don’t do this, please.” Seunghyun pleaded. “Dara, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you…” Seunghyun chanted, forcing Dara to turn around in his arms. She looked into his eyes, his eyes loving, her eyes mortified. Seunghyun crashed his lips onto hers, enjoying her taste, the softness of her lips. Dara let out a muffled yelp and bit down on Seunghyun’s lip. Seunghyun sighed and gripped her upper arms with bruising force. “Dara please, if you would just give me a chance, I’ll be so good to you, I swear-”
“No! If you let me go, I promise, I won’t tell anyone, just let me go.” Dara whispered and tears started to drop.
“Dara, I can’t let you go. I can’t. My heart wants you so bad, I can’t control it. It hurts so badly sometimes when I watch you. It starts hammering against my ribs and it just wants to get out and fly to you. Can’t you see, Dara? My heart is completely yours, and will always be completely yours. I am begging you, give me a chance…” Seunghyun whispered the last sentence. Dara looked up to him and he felt her get on her tiptoes, and he felt her lips press against his. Seunghyun let go of his bruising hold to cup her cheeks and that was when Dara ran again. Something in Seunghyun snapped and he felt his inner pocket for his dagger, before running after her again. He grabbed her by her wrist, spun her around and stabbed. He couldn’t let her go.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, so sorry, I love you, I love you…” ”
Seunghyun pushes the bottoms of his palms against his forehead, closing his eyes tightly. “Dara, Dara, Dara, Dara...” He whispers. The air smells of blood and the thought of her, her being his alone, calms him down. “She's better off this way... It's better...” He murmurs and takes out a cigarette. He lights it and sucks, the cloud of smoke and nicotine travelling down his throat. He reaches for the wine he'd prepared and opens the bottle as he holds his cigarette with his lips. Taking the cigarette in between his fingers again, he gulps down some wine, sighing as he looks at Dara again.
“I'm sorry my dearest, I'm sorry.”
Months pass and Seunghyun sees the news. The news of a certain Dara Park missing. The news of her family searching everywhere for her. The news of her body being found. The news of her killer being untraceable. But after more months, the public forgets Dara. After more months, Seunghyun starts to forget her, too. He forgets what she looked like, forgets what her smile looked like, and forgets how her hair waved in the wind.
One evening Seunghyun finds himself in the same club where he met Dara, hoping it will stir his memory. It doesn't. So he sits, drowning in misery and liquor when he spots a mob of white hair. A face is looking at him, assessing him. A toothy grin is shown and the face makes its way to Seunghyun.
“Hello. My name is Jiyong.” The face says when it's up close and Seunghyun smiles. The face is pretty, feline eyes surrounded with kohl liner and glitter. Seunghyun smiles brighter, because he can talk to this one. It's a boy.
“Hello. My name is Seunghyun. May I ask why such a pretty boy is in a club like this?” Seunghyun asks, taking a sip of his beer.
Jiyong takes a seat next to him and orders a beer, too. “Because this club has the best music to dance to. Excuse me for being so blunt, but do you have any idea of how sexy your voice is? You sound like you could be a rapper or something.” Jiyong says and reaches for his money. Seunghyun chuckles and hands the barman enough money for Jiyong's beer and a tip.
“That compliment just bought yourself a beer, cutie.” He grins. Jiyong smiles brightly, and for a second Seunghyun remembers Dara's smile.
“So, why are you in a club like this, sitting here all by yourself?” Jiyong asks, gulping down his beer in one go.
Seunghyun shrugs. “Someone I loved is gone, but as time passed, I started to forget what she looked like, so I came here, trying to remember her face.” Seunghyun explains carefully.
Jiyong frowns. “That's so sad.” He mumbles.
Seunghyun nods, but smiles. “You helped though. When you smiled just now, I remembered her smile. Except hers was just a little less bright.” Seunghyun added, tenderly trailing one finger against Jiyong's lip.
Later that night, Seunghyun finds himself in bed with Jiyong, with their bodies flush against each other. They sweat and swear and pant and grunt and Seunghyun thinks they might break the headboard, they're going so hard. Sloppy kisses are shared and whispered nothings and Seunghyun likes the way Jiyong screams his name. At four o'clock they're exhausted and Jiyong snuggles up to Seunghyun, with his head on Seunghyun's chest and arm around Seunghyun's waist.
When Seunghyun wakes up the next morning, he expects Jiyong to be gone, like all of them. He tosses and turns in bed for a while, sighing as he takes in Jiyong's smell. Seunghyun slowly gets up and walks to his kitchen, where he sees Jiyong in one of his white, handmade shirts. Seunghyun thinks that it looks good on Jiyong, half-open. Jiyong looks up and smiles.
“Hi there.” He murmurs and gets up to make Seunghyun some coffee, too.
“Hi…” Seunghyun says, unsure of what to do.
“I was thinking, maybe we should go for lunch. Or dinner. You know. Or… are you the one night stand kind of man?” Jiyong asks softly.
Seunghyun’s eyes widen and he laughs, laughs his uncertainties off. “No way, pass up a cutie like you?” Seunghyun winks and Jiyong blushes as he puts down the coffee he made for Seunghyun. Seunghyun takes a sip and smiles, the coffee being just right. Jiyong sits down again, fumbling with his cup. Seunghyun looks at him, at his blonde hair, his sort of cute teeth, his hamster-cheeks and Seunghyun knows. He’s fallen in love again.
“So… Lunch? What time is it anyway?” Seunghyun asks, looking at the clock above the stove. It tells him that it’s eleven thirty-two, and in turn, his stomach tells him that lunch might actually be a good idea. “Lunch is okay.” Seunghyun nods.
Jiyong smiles ever so brightly and bounces up. “Great! I know this cozy little place we could go to…” Jiyong continues talking as he walks to Seunghyun’s bedroom, but Seunghyun doesn’t hear it. All he thinks about is how adorable Jiyong is, and how he must never find out what Seunghyun has done.
“So do you like it here? What do you do for a living? How old are you? I… Should I stop talking now?” Jiyong stops rambling with an embarrassed grimace on his face.
Seunghyun chuckles. “I like it here, yes. I’m a producer, I produce music. I’m twenty-six and no, you should not stop talking.” Seunghyun answers. “Now, what about you Jiyong? What do you do? How old are you? Where do you live?”
“I work at a clothing store. I’m twenty-three…” Jiyong keeps on talking, he talks so much. Seunghyun notices that Jiyong smiles a lot, too, but most importantly, that Jiyong smiles really bright, almost blindingly bright.
They talk for hours, and both call in sick for work, not wanting it to end. In the evening they go over to Jiyong’s place so they can cook dinner, enjoying each other’s presence.
“I never knew making lasagna was so easy.” Seunghyun mumbles as they even out the top layer of cheese.
“Are you serious? Lasagna is my favorite, I make it all the time, and not only because it’s easy!” Jiyong chimes and puts the meal in the oven. He sets the alarm on twenty minutes and skids after Seunghyun, who had started to walk towards the living room. Jiyong latches himself onto Seunghyun’s arm again and tugs him towards the couch. They turn on the television and Jiyong grins excitedly when he sees the beginning of his favorite horror-flick.
“Oh my god, Seunghyun, do you know this movie? It’s the best!” Jiyong says, and Seunghyun smirks.
“Of course I know this movie. Who doesn’t?” He says and Jiyong nods, before putting on his cutest face.
“Say, Seunghyunnie? Would you be my hero and get, cut and serve the lasagna when it’s done? I don’t want to miss any part of this movie…” Jiyong mumbles.
Seunghyun laughs and wipes a strand of bleached hair out of Jiyong’s face. “Sure.”
That little word causes Jiyong to almost explode with happiness and he jumps into Seunghyun’s lap, pecking Seunghyun’s cheek over and over again.
Five months later, Jiyong moves in with Seunghyun. Seunghyun’s apartment is big enough as Seunghyun makes way more money than Jiyong, and Jiyong is a bouncy ball of glee as they start to unpack his stuff. Jiyong starts to put away his clothes and Seunghyun sorts through his own belongings to make room for those of Jiyong. When Seunghyun opens a particular box, he sees a diary. A diary he thought he lost. His cheeks become red and he tries to hide it, but as fate has it, Jiyong waltzes in.
“Ya, Seunghyunnie, what’s that?” He asks, eyeing the diary.
Seunghyun shrugs, pretending to go through it in a light matter. Sentences pop out, now newly burned into his memory and a picture falls out. Jiyong picks it up, eyes scanning the face.
“Whoa, she’s really pretty Hyun. Who is she?” Jiyong asks and Seunghyun carefully takes the picture.
It’s Dara.
“I think I’ve seen her face somewhere…” Jiyong murmurs and taps his chin with his index finger.
Seunghyun gulps and panics. “I don’t know if you do, but that… was someone I loved.” Seunghyun mumbles and tries puts the diary and picture away. Jiyong stops him.
“Ah, is that the girl you told me about when we met? In the club? The one that passed away?” Jiyong asks, snatching the picture. Seunghyun nods carefully.
“You loved her a lot right? You should frame this picture, Hyunnie, I don’t mind. You loved her as much as you love me, right?” Jiyong says, looking at the picture again.
Seunghyun shakes his head, grinning. “I love you more.”
Jiyong grins, too, and envelops Seunghyun in a hug, tenderly kissing Seunghyun’s neck.
Jiyong buys a frame and the picture sits in an obvious spot for a while, haunting Seunghyun like a poltergeist. It feels as if Dara is always following him now, together with his own handwriting, his sentences in his diary.
Her smile is as if pixies let their dust fall onto her, it’s so enchanting…
Our hands brushed in the subway today. She didn’t see me, yet again, and I have no idea where she was heading. It took me three hours to get back home, but it was worth it. Her hand is soft like a tender ocean wave, and her warmth crashed down on me gently.
She walked past me, and she radiated with happiness. I saw her meet with the mohawk man again. She walked past me and for a second her happiness rubbed off on me. She smelled like coconut. I wish I was like the mohawk man. I wish I knew how to talk to her.
Seunghyun burns the diary, fearing Jiyong might search for it and on a wintery afternoon, Seunghyun has a stranger to take their picture. Seunghyun frames the beautiful picture, much to Jiyong’s delight, and Seunghyun replaces Dara’s picture with theirs.
Jiyong doesn’t notice.
Life goes smoothly and Seunghyun forgets about Dara again. He’s as happy as he could be until one dreaded afternoon.
“I’m home!” Seunghyun yells and toes off his sneakers. There is no response and Seunghyun walks to the bedroom, planning to put on some comfortable sweatpants when he sees Jiyong on the bed with a confused face.
“Ji?” Seunghyun mumbles and Jiyong looks up with the same expression Dara had had on her face. Again, fear. Jiyong has something in his hand and Seunghyun looks at it. Newspaper clippings and -
Seunghyun’s heart stops when he sees his dagger in Jiyong’s hand.
“Seunghyun… Was Dara Park the woman you loved?” Jiyong asks slowly.
“… Yes.” Seunghyun chokes out. His palms start to sweat and his heart is racing and what to do, what to do.
“But… I was captivated by that case and… The only boyfriend she’d had was a month before she died… And that wasn’t you, Hyun. That was Youngbae. I used to go to elementary school with him.” Jiyong whispers, looking at the ground. “Hyun… Why do you have this?” Jiyong holds up the dagger, the blood-red ruby glistening in the light. Seunghyun takes it and smiles shakily.
“I bought that at an antique store. I really liked it, so I bought it.” Seunghyun says automatically and Jiyong looks up with a sad smile.
“I found a piece of paper Hyun… It looks like it was part of a diary and… You killed her, didn’t you? You were the one that killed Dara Park, right?”
Seunghyun’s breathing quickens even more and he shakes his head. “No, no I wasn’t, I didn’t, I-”
“Don’t lie Hyun. I love you, I know everything about you, and I know when you lie.” Jiyong lets out an unsteady breath and tears start to drop.
Jiyong gets up and pulls Seunghyun close, clutching his shirt. “Just tell me why, Hyun. Why did you kill her?” Jiyong sobs.
Seunghyun closes his eyes tightly. “I couldn’t let her go.” He says, and it feels like his ball and chain evaporate. Jiyong’s fists loosen and he steps back.
“… I can’t let you go either Jiyong. I love you too much.”
not even a word but it's okay dear,
it doesn't bother me,
I'm happy we're together,
I don't know what to do if you fall asleep,
dear, open your eyes,
wipe those tears and you have no expression,
you stiffen,
I bring my knees to the floor,
and ask you what you did wrong,
this was my persistence,
if only I lessened my greed,
“Excuse me… Do you know where the banana milk is stored? I can’t seem to find it…” A cute voice asks hesitantly. Seunghyun turns his back to his shopping cart and sees a small girl looking up at him. She has long blonde hair and her lower teeth are crooked in a cute way. Her eyes, surrounded by black and bright yellow, widen considerably when she sees his face and she smirks with confidence, even though her cheeks have pinked. Seunghyun nods and gestures her to follow him. She does as told, clumsily holding her basket. Seunghyun smiles a bit and extends a hand. She looks at it with a bit of confusion and Seunghyun chuckles softly.
“Your basket. Let me hold it.” He says softly and the girl smiles gratefully, handing it to him. She decides to roll his cart and they walk together the whole time.
Seunghyun finds out that the cute girl is called Chaerin, and that she can talk. A lot, in contrary to Seunghyun, who spends their shopping spree mostly silent.
When they both have paid, Chaerin looks at him, furrowing her brows.
“Why are you so quiet? You have such a nice voice.” She asks, pursing her lips.
Seunghyun smiles shyly. “I, um, I can’t really talk to girls for some reason… I don’t know why, but… It’s frustrating, especially when I’m talking to pretty girls like you…” Seunghyun manages to say.
Chaerin looks at him and smiles brightly, dark pink staining her cheeks and neck. “We’ll have to work on that then, huh?” She snickers, winking, and Seunghyun knows.
He’s fallen in love again.
So, this is dedicated to velveteenkitten for always being there to beta my fics and x_riisa because she's just awesome like that. ilu guys ♥