Reckoning Night
Need to get back into the habit of posting in my journal daily. SO here I am.
Totally had a retarded dream. I was laying chains in mud... why? I don't know. I get the sense I was to pull them out after the mud hardened... but what good does that do? I'll never know. And why I was walking in the mud in my socks? Also will never know. My mind dreams up some weird shit.
It's 7 am. Chris left about an hour ago... he didn't sleep last night so I'm glad he unwillingly passed out for the last 6 hours... he needs it. Ever since we started dating on the 21st of April... we haven't gone a day without seeing each other. Sad thing is, I almost made him stay home today (glad I didn't cause he had a bad day), to catch some sleep... and we just.. couldn't? I mean I know we could but we were both like... wtf are we going to do?
I'm enjoying spending more time off the computer and spending it with my guys :)
Awe Aiden was having a bad dream :( Hehe so cute in his too big size 4 diapers. Makes no sense. 3 is too small, 4 is too big. HAHA Now he's smiling!! He must take after his mom and have retarded dreams. I dunno what i'd do without 'em.
So... it's my birthday in uhm.. wow. 9 days. I'm going to be 22. WTF Seems so crazy... Such a great age though not too young, can do anything and definitely not too old. Wish I could stay at 25 for ever :P Sucks though. You know you're getting older when you don't get anything for your bday :P I want to get that tattoo... but that's looking farther and farther away. I got 50 bucks from my aunt that I used on new jeans and a set of new lip rings. MAN did I need new jeans. The rest of it got spent on Aiden. I got 100 already from my Grandparents. That's being "held" because I'm using 65 to get this internet practice test and program to get my GED. and 45 to take the test at a testing center. I hope I don't fail, and it's not that I'm stupid, I am just the WORST test taker... EVER 4 hour test, timed. TIMED! I hate timed. The only thing I'm worried about is the math. But I'll be sure to practice it until i'm comfortable. I just hate the sound of wasting 50 bucks ;P
At the same time I am so excited. Secretly, not having my GED or high school diploma makes me feel really shitty about myself... And... now, being a "single" (Single as in not married) mother makes me look even worse. Like as if I had a baby while I was 16 and dropped out. That's how I feel, anyway. Maybe I can even file for bankruptcy or something. Who knows. But I have to start over, I have 3 credit cards, some medical bills and a verizon bill (thanks charles for the 400 dollar bill) for satellite internet. So.. yeah.
Then, possibly as I've said going to that dentists' assistant class?
All of Chris' exs had good jobs and I just don't want to drag him down. And I don't want him to pay for everything. I've never liked anyone buying me things or paying for my stuff. I can only hope to get somewhere. Maybe we can live together in the future too. I doubt it'd be much different than it is now considering we spend every free moment we have together anyway.
EDIT: IF one fucker sucks at driving (who doesn't these days) and HITS ME FINALLY, they are going to be one sorry mother-fucker! Seriously. I have SO much aggression towards bad drivers because people keep almost hitting me in the MOST RETARDED WAYS. I almost followed one guy the other day because I wanted to let them KNOW how angry I was. If someone hits me and specially... if they hurt my son, they're going to have ultimate hell to pay. I will be their worst nightmare, I promise. Fuckers learn how to FUCKING DRIVE!
Totally had a retarded dream. I was laying chains in mud... why? I don't know. I get the sense I was to pull them out after the mud hardened... but what good does that do? I'll never know. And why I was walking in the mud in my socks? Also will never know. My mind dreams up some weird shit.
It's 7 am. Chris left about an hour ago... he didn't sleep last night so I'm glad he unwillingly passed out for the last 6 hours... he needs it. Ever since we started dating on the 21st of April... we haven't gone a day without seeing each other. Sad thing is, I almost made him stay home today (glad I didn't cause he had a bad day), to catch some sleep... and we just.. couldn't? I mean I know we could but we were both like... wtf are we going to do?
I'm enjoying spending more time off the computer and spending it with my guys :)
Awe Aiden was having a bad dream :( Hehe so cute in his too big size 4 diapers. Makes no sense. 3 is too small, 4 is too big. HAHA Now he's smiling!! He must take after his mom and have retarded dreams. I dunno what i'd do without 'em.
So... it's my birthday in uhm.. wow. 9 days. I'm going to be 22. WTF Seems so crazy... Such a great age though not too young, can do anything and definitely not too old. Wish I could stay at 25 for ever :P Sucks though. You know you're getting older when you don't get anything for your bday :P I want to get that tattoo... but that's looking farther and farther away. I got 50 bucks from my aunt that I used on new jeans and a set of new lip rings. MAN did I need new jeans. The rest of it got spent on Aiden. I got 100 already from my Grandparents. That's being "held" because I'm using 65 to get this internet practice test and program to get my GED. and 45 to take the test at a testing center. I hope I don't fail, and it's not that I'm stupid, I am just the WORST test taker... EVER 4 hour test, timed. TIMED! I hate timed. The only thing I'm worried about is the math. But I'll be sure to practice it until i'm comfortable. I just hate the sound of wasting 50 bucks ;P
At the same time I am so excited. Secretly, not having my GED or high school diploma makes me feel really shitty about myself... And... now, being a "single" (Single as in not married) mother makes me look even worse. Like as if I had a baby while I was 16 and dropped out. That's how I feel, anyway. Maybe I can even file for bankruptcy or something. Who knows. But I have to start over, I have 3 credit cards, some medical bills and a verizon bill (thanks charles for the 400 dollar bill) for satellite internet. So.. yeah.
Then, possibly as I've said going to that dentists' assistant class?
All of Chris' exs had good jobs and I just don't want to drag him down. And I don't want him to pay for everything. I've never liked anyone buying me things or paying for my stuff. I can only hope to get somewhere. Maybe we can live together in the future too. I doubt it'd be much different than it is now considering we spend every free moment we have together anyway.
EDIT: IF one fucker sucks at driving (who doesn't these days) and HITS ME FINALLY, they are going to be one sorry mother-fucker! Seriously. I have SO much aggression towards bad drivers because people keep almost hitting me in the MOST RETARDED WAYS. I almost followed one guy the other day because I wanted to let them KNOW how angry I was. If someone hits me and specially... if they hurt my son, they're going to have ultimate hell to pay. I will be their worst nightmare, I promise. Fuckers learn how to FUCKING DRIVE!