everyone has the power of the unwritten page . . .
I will forget to say if I don't tack it on this post: I finally got my biopsy results Friday - normal. So I have to wait on a follow-up on the 28th to see whether there is any further pursuit of the test results that *weren't* normal. Ah, medical Battleship . . .
I've been thinking a lot again lately - my worst habit, right? I was worried for a while that I was repressing emotions and that was why I've been feeling strangely level . . . not happy, that's different, but level. But looking back I think that a lot of the times when the reaction is to cry or pitch a fit it's because you feel that things are happening TO you and are out of your control. If you take responsibility, it's a double-edged sword -because you run the risk of blaming yourself for things you can't control and that aren't your fault. (I come from a proud familial tradition of guilt and I never ever forget any mistake I think I've made.) But it also puts the power in your hands - if you want something to change, you can change it. Ultimately, why would anyone want to be a victim of life? Mind you, that's NOT true about everything - some things really aren't in your control and there's nothing wrong with being upset by them. I'm talking about learning to tell the difference. Otherwise, ALL the good things that happen to you are coincidence or luck - and the bad things, you're the universe's bitch. Who wants that? (Unlike in anime/manga, being the universe's bitch does not get you cool powers, hot BF/GF, or a giant robot.)
There are a lot of things over which we have no power at all and can never change; but people have so much more power than they know. The bad thing that happens to us when we grow up is that we stop believing in the possible; that's probably why they need kids to pilot giant robots, because adults wouldn't believe they could. We learn to be afraid of possibility and take the easy path, and I am long since certain that the easy path is almost always the wrong one. Resistance builds strength, we know that in workouts, why should it be different in life? If you can unlearn being afraid, then all those possibilities are open again, aren't they . . .?
Of course, there is a wide, toothy chasm between resolve and realization. I don't know what to do with myself feeling okay and *that* is causing anxiety. The image I have is sitting in a rowboat on the ocean - I've been so preoccupied for so long with weathering the storm that I don't know what to do with calm. What direction was I headed? Am I even moving? I'm not paddling hard enough. Am I anchored down without knowing it? Is it just that the opposite shore is so far off it only seems like I'm going nowhere? And shouldn't I be ferrying other people in this boat? (But whether or not to be driftwood - that's a choice.)
Yes, doing is worth a thousand times thinking. But the thinking is about forgiving myself for some things so I can move forward. I let everything that mattered fall apart without even realizing, and I hardly know where to begin to fix it. I'm talking about it because . . . well, words are powerful, too, aren't they? For me and maybe for other people.
Since you are here, have a warm-fuzzies music video I meant to share some time ago. I do not promise that children will come out from under your coffee table but that may be just as well.
Miniature Tripplanet: Happiness PV
MAJOR DISCLAIMER. My Japanese does not exist. Corrections would be appreciated. Please take this as a stab at the gist of the lyrics, not a real translation. The kanji and romaji are NOT mine, they are from HERE and as such are correct XD; (I could have typed them up myself just fine but I might have made a kanji error, I just re-arranged them how I prefer.)
Song: happiness
Artist: Miniature Tripplanet
Words:オダヒデノリ/マトリョーシカ / Music:オダヒデノリ
愛のない日々を
君のいない日々を
二人でいない日々を
Ai no nai hibi wo
Kimi no inai hibi wo
Futari de inai hibi wo
Day after day without love
Day after day without you here
Day after day without the two of us together
愛のない日々を
君のいない日々を
二人でいない日々を
Ai no nai hibi wo
Kimi no inai hibi wo
Futari de inai hibi wo
Day after day without love
Day after day without you here
Day after day without the two of us together
愛と歌う日々を
君と歌う日々を
二人で歌う日々を
Ai to utau hibi wo
Kimi to utau hibi wo
Futari de utau hibi wo
Day after day, sing of love
Day after day, sing of you
Day after day, sung by the two of us together
愛を歌う意味を
君を歌う意味を
二人で歌う意味を
ラララ ララ
Ai wo utau imi wo
Kimi wo utau imi wo
Futari de wo utau imi wo
RARARA RARA
Love, the meaning of singing
You, the meaning of singing
The two of us together, the meaning of singing
Lalala la la (<-- not sure about translation D:)
愛の深い慈悲を
君の深い慈悲を
二人を支える声を
Ai no fukai jihi wo
Kimi no fukai jihi wo
Futari wo sasaeru koe wo
Love whose mercy is deep
You whose mercy is deep
A voice that supports both of us
愛よ深い闇よ
君が笑えるよう
二人の歌を歌おう
ラララ ララ
Ai yo fukai yami yo
Kimi ga waraeru you
Futari no utau wo utaou
RARARA RARA
More than love, more than deep darkness (<-- or, if you listen to machine translation, "love is a great darkness", I have given up on this sentence)
So that you can laugh
Let's sing together
Lalala lala
愛 It’s true heart!
愛も深い闇も
君も受け入れるよ
二人のために今声を
愛 It’s true heart!
愛を深い闇を
君を受け入れるよ
二人のために皆声を!
ラララ ララ
Ai It’s true heart!
Ai mo fukai yami mo
Kimi mo ukeireru yo
Futari no tame ni ima koe wo
Ai It’s true heart!
Ai wo fukai yami wo
Kimi wo ukeireru yo
Futari no tame ni mina koe wo!
RARARA RARA
Love: it's true heart
Darkness whose love is also deep
You accept it
Now there's a voice for the both of us
Love: it's true heart
Love the deep darkness
You accept it
Everyone's voice for the two of us!
Lalala lala
I've been thinking a lot again lately - my worst habit, right? I was worried for a while that I was repressing emotions and that was why I've been feeling strangely level . . . not happy, that's different, but level. But looking back I think that a lot of the times when the reaction is to cry or pitch a fit it's because you feel that things are happening TO you and are out of your control. If you take responsibility, it's a double-edged sword -because you run the risk of blaming yourself for things you can't control and that aren't your fault. (I come from a proud familial tradition of guilt and I never ever forget any mistake I think I've made.) But it also puts the power in your hands - if you want something to change, you can change it. Ultimately, why would anyone want to be a victim of life? Mind you, that's NOT true about everything - some things really aren't in your control and there's nothing wrong with being upset by them. I'm talking about learning to tell the difference. Otherwise, ALL the good things that happen to you are coincidence or luck - and the bad things, you're the universe's bitch. Who wants that? (Unlike in anime/manga, being the universe's bitch does not get you cool powers, hot BF/GF, or a giant robot.)
There are a lot of things over which we have no power at all and can never change; but people have so much more power than they know. The bad thing that happens to us when we grow up is that we stop believing in the possible; that's probably why they need kids to pilot giant robots, because adults wouldn't believe they could. We learn to be afraid of possibility and take the easy path, and I am long since certain that the easy path is almost always the wrong one. Resistance builds strength, we know that in workouts, why should it be different in life? If you can unlearn being afraid, then all those possibilities are open again, aren't they . . .?
Of course, there is a wide, toothy chasm between resolve and realization. I don't know what to do with myself feeling okay and *that* is causing anxiety. The image I have is sitting in a rowboat on the ocean - I've been so preoccupied for so long with weathering the storm that I don't know what to do with calm. What direction was I headed? Am I even moving? I'm not paddling hard enough. Am I anchored down without knowing it? Is it just that the opposite shore is so far off it only seems like I'm going nowhere? And shouldn't I be ferrying other people in this boat? (But whether or not to be driftwood - that's a choice.)
Yes, doing is worth a thousand times thinking. But the thinking is about forgiving myself for some things so I can move forward. I let everything that mattered fall apart without even realizing, and I hardly know where to begin to fix it. I'm talking about it because . . . well, words are powerful, too, aren't they? For me and maybe for other people.
Since you are here, have a warm-fuzzies music video I meant to share some time ago. I do not promise that children will come out from under your coffee table but that may be just as well.
Miniature Tripplanet: Happiness PV
Click to viewMAJOR DISCLAIMER. My Japanese does not exist. Corrections would be appreciated. Please take this as a stab at the gist of the lyrics, not a real translation. The kanji and romaji are NOT mine, they are from HERE and as such are correct XD; (I could have typed them up myself just fine but I might have made a kanji error, I just re-arranged them how I prefer.)
Song: happiness
Artist: Miniature Tripplanet
Words:オダヒデノリ/マトリョーシカ / Music:オダヒデノリ
愛のない日々を
君のいない日々を
二人でいない日々を
Ai no nai hibi wo
Kimi no inai hibi wo
Futari de inai hibi wo
Day after day without love
Day after day without you here
Day after day without the two of us together
愛のない日々を
君のいない日々を
二人でいない日々を
Ai no nai hibi wo
Kimi no inai hibi wo
Futari de inai hibi wo
Day after day without love
Day after day without you here
Day after day without the two of us together
愛と歌う日々を
君と歌う日々を
二人で歌う日々を
Ai to utau hibi wo
Kimi to utau hibi wo
Futari de utau hibi wo
Day after day, sing of love
Day after day, sing of you
Day after day, sung by the two of us together
愛を歌う意味を
君を歌う意味を
二人で歌う意味を
ラララ ララ
Ai wo utau imi wo
Kimi wo utau imi wo
Futari de wo utau imi wo
RARARA RARA
Love, the meaning of singing
You, the meaning of singing
The two of us together, the meaning of singing
Lalala la la (<-- not sure about translation D:)
愛の深い慈悲を
君の深い慈悲を
二人を支える声を
Ai no fukai jihi wo
Kimi no fukai jihi wo
Futari wo sasaeru koe wo
Love whose mercy is deep
You whose mercy is deep
A voice that supports both of us
愛よ深い闇よ
君が笑えるよう
二人の歌を歌おう
ラララ ララ
Ai yo fukai yami yo
Kimi ga waraeru you
Futari no utau wo utaou
RARARA RARA
More than love, more than deep darkness (<-- or, if you listen to machine translation, "love is a great darkness", I have given up on this sentence)
So that you can laugh
Let's sing together
Lalala lala
愛 It’s true heart!
愛も深い闇も
君も受け入れるよ
二人のために今声を
愛 It’s true heart!
愛を深い闇を
君を受け入れるよ
二人のために皆声を!
ラララ ララ
Ai It’s true heart!
Ai mo fukai yami mo
Kimi mo ukeireru yo
Futari no tame ni ima koe wo
Ai It’s true heart!
Ai wo fukai yami wo
Kimi wo ukeireru yo
Futari no tame ni mina koe wo!
RARARA RARA
Love: it's true heart
Darkness whose love is also deep
You accept it
Now there's a voice for the both of us
Love: it's true heart
Love the deep darkness
You accept it
Everyone's voice for the two of us!
Lalala lala