I did it.
Im going to be completly honest in this entry, I need to get it out. I did something a half an hour ago I have been regreting for some time now. I took a lot of people's advise. He means so much to me. He was such a awesome boy friend. He loved me. I just didnt feel the same. I dont know why either. I wish I did, because if I knew what was keeping me from feeling the same way about him, I would have done anything to make it go away. So many people have gotten their hearts broke. And I just did it to someone. How could I go and do something like that? Well. I had to. I had no choice. I couldnt continue to let him get caught up in something that wasnt a shared feeling. So I did it. I can tell you honestly, that was the hardest thing I have ever had to say. The words wouldnt come out. I wish he knew how long I thought about this and time I spent going back and forth if I was going the right thing or not. It took so much to do it. Im so glad I did. But at the same time, I feel so awful. Im such a awful person. I mean seriously, what the fuck is wrong with me? Hes was beautiful inside and out. The sweetest guy I have ever meet. He'd do anything for me. And he still will. Even now that we arent together anymore, he still would do anything for me. ANYTHING. I had the best boyfriend in the world. And I lost him. I dont get why I didnt feel the same way like everyother girl would. I guess, I knew I had him, and I KNEW he wasnt going anywhere, that he would always be there, so I just didnt think I needed to ........ I dont know. Shan said Its because, you want what you cant have right? Well, like I said, I had him. So I didnt want him. But thats not the only reason. my feelings just changed. It happens. Its part of life right? and thats what I wanted. I didnt want to be tied down with someone who could say I love you, and ACTUALLY mean it when I didnt feel the same. Im only 15 and hes 16. Hes not even supposed to know what love is right? yeah right. For anyone who doesnt believe you can be in love at such a young age should grow up. It happens. At ANY age...I bet I will regret ever letting him ago when Im older. You dont come across many guys like him. So sweet and innocent. And I do love him. Just not like he loves me. I care for him so much. And we promised each other tonight that we would be friends forever. And we will. Im not going to let him go. Hes an amazing person and I dont know what I did to deserve him. I dont even understand how his feelings towards me could be so strong. He said, " she's perfect for me, everything about her".... Its like what??????? Im just Kristin. If you think IM perfect, you need to look around. I dont deserve that. Why cant I take the feelings he has for me and give them to someone else who will appreciate it, like I didnt.......
I love you Cody
I love you Cody