another word for desperate
i'm watching videos and reading about straylight run's latest tour. since i've changed, i now mostly read about amazing shows instead of going. it's so rare now that i find a show that blows me away, but i don't feel i really take a lot of chances.
is that how i should look at a lot of the other things going on? how are we supposed to find someone amazing for us if we never take the chances and get through some bad ones?
this brings me back to the straylight run show at the social. will, the drummer, letting carlos in for free to the sold out show; meeting the whole band; being in love with john nolan; realizing how amazingly talented and gorgeous that whole family is; realizing how humble the whole band was; being so happy the whole time.
steph and i were not speaking at that point i think, or at least not supposed to see each other. she was there, we have pictures together with the band. more so, i remember standing next to her while they played, and when she grabbed my hand for existentialism on prom night. that was our song. before it was everyones song for their significant other... it was ours, and it meant to me than just about anything. the fact that music could bring us past all the stupid things holding us apart still amazes me.
i remember vividly they were in between songs, and i yelled out "a slow descent!", my favorite song by them. i remember john shrugging and saying "...okay". i remember being more excited than i could handle, thinking how it was easily one of the coolest nights of my whole life. i remember them playing all the songs i had fallen in love with since they started making music. i cant even name a good 75% of their songs now, but then... i could name every one and every word. since it was sold out, there had to be a few hundred people in there, but i only remember a few.
oddly, it seems like a dream now. so long ago, so amazing.... just an incredible night. i miss nights meaning that much to me.
i miss people meaning that much to me, music meaning that much, shows meaning that much. is this part of growing up? or just part of me changing?
it's disappointing.
is that how i should look at a lot of the other things going on? how are we supposed to find someone amazing for us if we never take the chances and get through some bad ones?
this brings me back to the straylight run show at the social. will, the drummer, letting carlos in for free to the sold out show; meeting the whole band; being in love with john nolan; realizing how amazingly talented and gorgeous that whole family is; realizing how humble the whole band was; being so happy the whole time.
steph and i were not speaking at that point i think, or at least not supposed to see each other. she was there, we have pictures together with the band. more so, i remember standing next to her while they played, and when she grabbed my hand for existentialism on prom night. that was our song. before it was everyones song for their significant other... it was ours, and it meant to me than just about anything. the fact that music could bring us past all the stupid things holding us apart still amazes me.
i remember vividly they were in between songs, and i yelled out "a slow descent!", my favorite song by them. i remember john shrugging and saying "...okay". i remember being more excited than i could handle, thinking how it was easily one of the coolest nights of my whole life. i remember them playing all the songs i had fallen in love with since they started making music. i cant even name a good 75% of their songs now, but then... i could name every one and every word. since it was sold out, there had to be a few hundred people in there, but i only remember a few.
oddly, it seems like a dream now. so long ago, so amazing.... just an incredible night. i miss nights meaning that much to me.
i miss people meaning that much to me, music meaning that much, shows meaning that much. is this part of growing up? or just part of me changing?
it's disappointing.