Heroic Act #2 - The Bank
[It is afternoon, and there is a an alien flopped out over a chair somewhere, looking particularly exhausted. He addresses the camera not with theatrics today, but with a sort of teeth-grinding irritation.]
You know, I made some career choices in life very young. I thought being bad meant going into supervillainy. Thriving on chaos, leaving ruin in my wake, making babies cry. That sort of thing, you know? I was only about ten or so. I'd never been to one of these grand, financial institutions before.
Now that I have just been through that -- that gauntlet you call a bank, I revise that notion that I had when I was ten years old. If I was truly bad, I wouldn't have gone into super villainy! I wouldn't have devised bank robberies! No!
I would have become an upstanding citizen, gone to college, and majored in finance!
[DRAMATIC PAUSE HERE... after he mangles the word feenahnce]
I mean, that was the most invasive, soul-breaking experience I have ever had and I grew up in a prison for the criminal gifted! I'm surprised that they didn't come out with syringes and swabs for genetic testing to verify identity! They make you feel like a criminal even if you really haven't done anything wrong that day. I watched families leave in tears and fights break out between lovers over this!
It's a soul-sucking pit and you people condone it. Legalize it! How mad are we as a society that this is allowed to go on? If I wasn't reformed, I'd have to start bank robbing on principle, just to strike and what was more evil then I was!
But at least I have my accounts. And that 'loan'. Ugh, what a mess.
You know, I made some career choices in life very young. I thought being bad meant going into supervillainy. Thriving on chaos, leaving ruin in my wake, making babies cry. That sort of thing, you know? I was only about ten or so. I'd never been to one of these grand, financial institutions before.
Now that I have just been through that -- that gauntlet you call a bank, I revise that notion that I had when I was ten years old. If I was truly bad, I wouldn't have gone into super villainy! I wouldn't have devised bank robberies! No!
I would have become an upstanding citizen, gone to college, and majored in finance!
[DRAMATIC PAUSE HERE... after he mangles the word feenahnce]
I mean, that was the most invasive, soul-breaking experience I have ever had and I grew up in a prison for the criminal gifted! I'm surprised that they didn't come out with syringes and swabs for genetic testing to verify identity! They make you feel like a criminal even if you really haven't done anything wrong that day. I watched families leave in tears and fights break out between lovers over this!
It's a soul-sucking pit and you people condone it. Legalize it! How mad are we as a society that this is allowed to go on? If I wasn't reformed, I'd have to start bank robbing on principle, just to strike and what was more evil then I was!
But at least I have my accounts. And that 'loan'. Ugh, what a mess.