Sunday Meditation 8/20/08
Today's meditation was meant to be written up the weekend following the 4th of July, for reasons you shall likely figure out soon; as you can see, that didn't exactly happen.
Independence is something that our culture has long cherished and paid homage to--at least in voice. We like to say that our country depends on no other, that we are all people with freedom, and so on.
The problem, in our society, is that we are not, in fact, independent, and for better or for worse, never will be. On top of that, many of us have dependencies that are, as they say in human sciences, "maladaptive."
Here is a fundamental truth of life in our increasingly global world: unless you're willing to shell out possibly exorbitant sums of money and lots of time to buy purely "made in the USA" products, you'll be depending upon goods and services from elsewhere. Let's face it: differing standards in other parts of the world make labor cheaper (despite the risk of human rights violations that may result), and thus the goods that come from there will accordingly come at a lower cost. We all like to get the most out of our money, so we go for the cheap products. And again, there's nothing inherently wrong with wanting to get the most out of our money, as our money is a placeholder for our time of labor, and using it wisely is a wise thing to do. But the point is that our country depends on the rest of the world a lot--possibly more than they depend upon us, despite the way in which our country has a huge amount of clout to wield to help sway things in one way or another elsewhere. (And I mean this in terms of war-less options; the war itself is something I won't be touching on more today.)
But that is not in itself a bad thing, really; the key is to remember that we are not so magically crafted and vigorously stout that we do not need other countries to subsist. In reality, we do; without the rest of the world, many of us would not be able to afford to live here. In that alone, do not be deluded.
That's not the main point of this meditation, however--the intent is to address that of individual dependencies--what one might call "addiction" for some. But addiction is such a harsh word, and no one likes to be called such a thing (for it generally immediately conjures images of an illicit drug user shooting up in a shady bar or alley), so we use "dependencies" instead--not because it's politically correct, necessarily, but because it at least hurts fewer feelings and is more likely to be heard.
We all have things that we depend upon; to say otherwise is to lie. We all depend upon food and air and the other basic human necessities. There is nothing wrong with this: without them, we cannot live. We all depend upon the love and affection of others, which helps make life bearable, even if perhaps we could live without it (though I doubt many would want to continue living after a while without it). And we all depend upon things that are a product of being mildly affluent--electrical power, heated, drinkable water on demand, and so on. These are alright: they give our lives comforts that also benefit us in other ways.
But we all usually have other dependencies...ones that generally harm us as a being, if perhaps in ways that are hard to behold. Some depend upon romantic relationships, needing the intoxicating rush of feeling that comes with "being in love," and hurl themselves headlong at eligible bachelors of the suitable gender, only to be heartbroken again and again when the relationship ends as it becomes less mythical and more realistic. Some are dependent upon exploiting others, whether for material gain, such as money or belongings, or for immaterial gain, such as social standing and power. Such dependencies are dangerous in that they can bring down other people as well, and in the end often lead to more than one broken spirit.
Some dependencies are more innocuous-seeming--people who are dependent upon shopping, upon television, upon--yes, I'd say I'm guilty of this one--technology and the Internet. "But wait!" we say, "Those don't hurt anybody!" This is true to a point, but in many cases such dependencies cause us to be less "real" people, in that we conform to what figures in our chosen dependencies say we should be--images crafted largely to sell us things, so that the images can continue to be crafted from the profits. They know that we crave something from what they have to offer--be it a sense that we are improving ourselves, whether through appearance or other means, or perhaps a substitute interaction that makes us feel less alone in a world seemingly full of people who don't understand us and bring us pain--and they strive to keep us in that state, dependent upon them anon.
This is not to exclude actual chemical dependencies, whether they be alcohol, injectable illicit drugs, marijuana, tobacco, or even abuses of prescription drugs intended for purposes quite different than those for which they are actually being used. These are grievous, as they certainly break down the body, and often the mind and spirit with them. If you use one of these often, or find it hard to experience certain emotions without them, please, seek help in ending such dependencies. They do no one who cares about you any good.
Even food can become a maladaptive dependency--primarily in the case of eating disorders. It remains to be stressed that eating food is something all humans must do to continue living, but when eating food becomes a coping method rather than sustenance, a hazard is present.
I state all of this because we as people should be looking at our dependencies carefully. We should be dependent upon the divine, certainly, and in a sense we all are whether we know it or not, but despite this we should be looking at the divine as a friend and provider--someone worth depending upon. At the same time, we are empowered by the divine, meaning that we are not intended to be frail waifs awaiting the hand of the Almighty to move us out of our comfort zones like some kind of pet owner in the sky. A balance here is necessary.
So here's what you can do: sit down for a moment and take stock of the things you feel you can't really live (or live well) without. Don't be facetious, and don't be sparing, either--list everything you can think of and leave nothing out when you first make your list. Then go through them and consider why and how that dependency has resulted--look at what it does for you, and what you must do to follow it. Then size up those reasons and determine which things are, realistically, not actually helping you. You might be surprised at how obvious some of them are when you consciously examine them!
With your list in hand, decide what dependencies you want to change, and how. In many cases, doing your best to reduce them to a hobby or less is the right choice, but in some cases different tacks may be necessary. Use your best judgment, and ask for guidance. Then, ask for strength and motivation to change what you know needs changing. Get your friends involved, too, if you can: being accountable to people you will actually meet helps you make the changes you seek to get done.
Do this again in a month: 30 days is time enough for a lot of habit-changing! Take stock of the genuine progress you've made--along with accurately representing any shortcomings. Continue to plan, continue to change, and soon you'll find yourself with a better and perhaps more sleek profile of worthwhile and non-harmful (to self or others) dependencies.
My best wishes go with you as you determine your own dependencies and craft ways to change them with the help of the divine and those around you.
Independence is something that our culture has long cherished and paid homage to--at least in voice. We like to say that our country depends on no other, that we are all people with freedom, and so on.
The problem, in our society, is that we are not, in fact, independent, and for better or for worse, never will be. On top of that, many of us have dependencies that are, as they say in human sciences, "maladaptive."
Here is a fundamental truth of life in our increasingly global world: unless you're willing to shell out possibly exorbitant sums of money and lots of time to buy purely "made in the USA" products, you'll be depending upon goods and services from elsewhere. Let's face it: differing standards in other parts of the world make labor cheaper (despite the risk of human rights violations that may result), and thus the goods that come from there will accordingly come at a lower cost. We all like to get the most out of our money, so we go for the cheap products. And again, there's nothing inherently wrong with wanting to get the most out of our money, as our money is a placeholder for our time of labor, and using it wisely is a wise thing to do. But the point is that our country depends on the rest of the world a lot--possibly more than they depend upon us, despite the way in which our country has a huge amount of clout to wield to help sway things in one way or another elsewhere. (And I mean this in terms of war-less options; the war itself is something I won't be touching on more today.)
But that is not in itself a bad thing, really; the key is to remember that we are not so magically crafted and vigorously stout that we do not need other countries to subsist. In reality, we do; without the rest of the world, many of us would not be able to afford to live here. In that alone, do not be deluded.
That's not the main point of this meditation, however--the intent is to address that of individual dependencies--what one might call "addiction" for some. But addiction is such a harsh word, and no one likes to be called such a thing (for it generally immediately conjures images of an illicit drug user shooting up in a shady bar or alley), so we use "dependencies" instead--not because it's politically correct, necessarily, but because it at least hurts fewer feelings and is more likely to be heard.
We all have things that we depend upon; to say otherwise is to lie. We all depend upon food and air and the other basic human necessities. There is nothing wrong with this: without them, we cannot live. We all depend upon the love and affection of others, which helps make life bearable, even if perhaps we could live without it (though I doubt many would want to continue living after a while without it). And we all depend upon things that are a product of being mildly affluent--electrical power, heated, drinkable water on demand, and so on. These are alright: they give our lives comforts that also benefit us in other ways.
But we all usually have other dependencies...ones that generally harm us as a being, if perhaps in ways that are hard to behold. Some depend upon romantic relationships, needing the intoxicating rush of feeling that comes with "being in love," and hurl themselves headlong at eligible bachelors of the suitable gender, only to be heartbroken again and again when the relationship ends as it becomes less mythical and more realistic. Some are dependent upon exploiting others, whether for material gain, such as money or belongings, or for immaterial gain, such as social standing and power. Such dependencies are dangerous in that they can bring down other people as well, and in the end often lead to more than one broken spirit.
Some dependencies are more innocuous-seeming--people who are dependent upon shopping, upon television, upon--yes, I'd say I'm guilty of this one--technology and the Internet. "But wait!" we say, "Those don't hurt anybody!" This is true to a point, but in many cases such dependencies cause us to be less "real" people, in that we conform to what figures in our chosen dependencies say we should be--images crafted largely to sell us things, so that the images can continue to be crafted from the profits. They know that we crave something from what they have to offer--be it a sense that we are improving ourselves, whether through appearance or other means, or perhaps a substitute interaction that makes us feel less alone in a world seemingly full of people who don't understand us and bring us pain--and they strive to keep us in that state, dependent upon them anon.
This is not to exclude actual chemical dependencies, whether they be alcohol, injectable illicit drugs, marijuana, tobacco, or even abuses of prescription drugs intended for purposes quite different than those for which they are actually being used. These are grievous, as they certainly break down the body, and often the mind and spirit with them. If you use one of these often, or find it hard to experience certain emotions without them, please, seek help in ending such dependencies. They do no one who cares about you any good.
Even food can become a maladaptive dependency--primarily in the case of eating disorders. It remains to be stressed that eating food is something all humans must do to continue living, but when eating food becomes a coping method rather than sustenance, a hazard is present.
I state all of this because we as people should be looking at our dependencies carefully. We should be dependent upon the divine, certainly, and in a sense we all are whether we know it or not, but despite this we should be looking at the divine as a friend and provider--someone worth depending upon. At the same time, we are empowered by the divine, meaning that we are not intended to be frail waifs awaiting the hand of the Almighty to move us out of our comfort zones like some kind of pet owner in the sky. A balance here is necessary.
So here's what you can do: sit down for a moment and take stock of the things you feel you can't really live (or live well) without. Don't be facetious, and don't be sparing, either--list everything you can think of and leave nothing out when you first make your list. Then go through them and consider why and how that dependency has resulted--look at what it does for you, and what you must do to follow it. Then size up those reasons and determine which things are, realistically, not actually helping you. You might be surprised at how obvious some of them are when you consciously examine them!
With your list in hand, decide what dependencies you want to change, and how. In many cases, doing your best to reduce them to a hobby or less is the right choice, but in some cases different tacks may be necessary. Use your best judgment, and ask for guidance. Then, ask for strength and motivation to change what you know needs changing. Get your friends involved, too, if you can: being accountable to people you will actually meet helps you make the changes you seek to get done.
Do this again in a month: 30 days is time enough for a lot of habit-changing! Take stock of the genuine progress you've made--along with accurately representing any shortcomings. Continue to plan, continue to change, and soon you'll find yourself with a better and perhaps more sleek profile of worthwhile and non-harmful (to self or others) dependencies.
My best wishes go with you as you determine your own dependencies and craft ways to change them with the help of the divine and those around you.