Genetic experimentation in action
[11:39] Monkey: your last monkey was a filthy manwhore!
[11:40] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: I had another monkey?
[11:40] Monkey: he wasn't a monkey, he was just a midget with a lot of body hair.
[11:41] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: Liam?
[11:41] Monkey: I think his name was...Perducci.
[11:42] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: Perducci? I don't know any Perducci, unless he was that cockroach that took over my kitchen for a while.
[11:42] Monkey: those were bad cockroaches.
[11:42] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: Barricaded the door with cereal boxes....asshole.
[11:42] Monkey: with their tiny little cigarettes and gangland tattoos on their mahogany wings.
[11:43] Monkey: The worst cockroaches are the ones that fly and hiss.
[11:43] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: I mean, whoever heard of a bug pulling a switchblade on you?
[11:45] Monkey: those were some bad roaches.
[11:46] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: I used a rocket launcher with serin gas on them.
[11:46] Monkey: that explains why we can't go back in the kitchen.
[11:46] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: Didn't kill them, but they fell asleep long enough to smash them with my bat.
[11:47] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: While I injected myself with Lidocaine every 15 minutes.
[11:47] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: The detox was hell.
[11:50] Monkey: Aaron, you need to quit poisoning parts of the house.
[11:50] Monkey: where does it end, really?
[11:50] Monkey: asbestos comforters?
[11:50] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: i dunno
[11:50] Monkey: dry ice linings on the toilet seats?
[11:51] Monkey: I keep wondering if you're trying to rid us of a pest problem or if you're just trying to kill me.
[11:51] Monkey: and think of the children, for heaven's sake.
[11:52] Monkey: And I notice you didn't give *me* any lidocaine. I woke up on the kitchen floor 8 days later with some serious bat injuries and a bunch of cockroach gang tags spraypainted all over me.
[11:52] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: i swear, once we get rid of those Llama's we can put everything back
[11:52] Monkey: The llamas are my business associates.
[11:52] Monkey: I need them for science.
[11:54] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: and if you hadn't been wearing that black cape i would have known better than to smack you with the bat, what were you doing, trading recipes with the vaginaroaches?
[11:54] Monkey: I needed the black cape.
[11:54] Monkey: for more science.
[11:55] Monkey: and you leave the vaginaroaches out of this. They've been marginalized enough.
[11:55] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: all this science, don't you think when the roaches get opposable thumbs you've gone a little too far?
[11:55] Monkey: they at least had the good sense to skitter out before the serin bombs dropped.
[11:55] Monkey: the roaches needed the opposeable thumbs. How else were they going to work the can opener?
[11:55] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: oh, so you are saying vaginaroaches are smarter than cockroaches?
[11:56] Monkey: and who else was going to make me spaghettio's huh?
[11:56] Monkey: I'm just saying they were out the door while the cockroaches were going "Oooh! A fog! No one can see us loot!"
[11:56] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: you can't operate the can opener and the microwave?
[11:56] Monkey: sometimes I need a little help, okay? Especially when I've been knocked out by serin gas!
[11:56] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: Are you saying cocks cause kleptomania?
[11:57] Monkey: I might be. Studies tend to suggest it.
[11:57] Monkey: I might also be saying dry ice in the toilet leads to inconvenient cock related accidents in a fellow researcher.
[11:57] Monkey: I might also be saying that you don't want to open your sock drawer for a few more hours.
[11:57] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: oh really?
[11:58] Monkey: Perhaps.
[11:58] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: you may want to put a mask on before opening your laptop, perhaps
[11:58] Monkey: why would I want toasdafwzabaqw3r4qarxedtcfsz...
[11:59] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: gotcha!
[12:00] Monkey: you'll
[12:00] Monkey: pay
[12:00] Monkey: for
[12:00] Monkey: this...
[12:01] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: See what happens when you mess with the master researcher?
[12:01] Monkey: noitcnuflam draobyek eht rof dnA
[12:01] Monkey: ?ynnuf si siht kniht uoy od
[12:01] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: Let this be a lesson to all.
[12:02] Monkey: !UOY YORTSED LLIW I
[12:02] Monkey: You know what else is funny?
[12:02] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: what?
[12:02] Monkey: go outside and smoke a cigarette. I dare you.
[12:02] Monkey: I double *dog* dare you.
[12:02] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: alreadsy pewroijqgjqokrgrgm'q
[12:03] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: !Oi3jrtt4fm098cj&*A4332lkNIDSj320@o3ir094tu309*7&
[12:03] Monkey: nothing like a neurotoxin that easily piggybacks on Nicotine molecules...
[12:04] Monkey: Compounds are natures little practical jokes.
[12:04] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: qoijf iwqoejfijg oqijergj weqfoi!
[12:06] Monkey: What's that? You want the antedote?
[12:06] Monkey: maybe you should lick it off the kitchen FLOOR!
[12:07] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: By all means, it's the only room I haven't boobie trapped!
[12:08] Monkey: BLAST!
[12:08] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: Get out of THAT one!
[12:09] Monkey: you and your nefarious inventions, me and my insidious chemicals...will we ever learn to love?
[12:11] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: i thought that's what we did with those helmet things last night
[12:12] Monkey: that wasn't love. That was research. And I think you're hypothesis was tested a bit more easily than mine, if you get my drift.
[12:12] Monkey: *your
[12:15] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: just because my synapses connect more quickly, you consider me somehow limited? clearly my intelligence is advanced
[12:17] Monkey: Limited, no. Unable to efficiently collaborate, yes. And believe me, such innefficiencies cost you. I'll remind you that you *weren't* circumcised before you went to bed.
[12:17] Monkey: I also believe you sabotaged my helmet.
[12:18] Monkey: And my llamas.
[12:20] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: Put a helmet on your precious Llamas then, since you like them so well.
[12:22] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: see if your llamas can "efficiently collaborate"
[12:22] Jeff_OOC: actually they can
[12:22] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: you stay out of this, are you a monkey, llama or cockroach?
[12:22] Jeff_OOC: they've been pounding at typewriters for a couple years now. They already have 9/10ths of henry the 5th
[12:22] Monkey: My llamas efficiently collaborate way better than you ever could, with or without a helmet
[12:23] Monkey: You've met Jeff, my genetically altered bison.
[12:24] * Jeff_OOC salutes
[12:24] Monkey: He has a plexiglass side so that you can watch his digestion system in action.
[12:24] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: How would you know how I do without a helmet? You are so paranoid about non-synthetic fluids you can't take a blood sample!
[12:25] Monkey: that's why I programmed my robot to siphon you while you're asleep.
[12:25] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: That Bison belongs in the Museum of Science and Industry
[12:25] Jeff_OOC: jeff the bison belongs to no man
[12:25] Monkey: I *own* the museum of science and industry! I bought it for a quarter from a *very* drunk man.
[12:25] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: Well, duh, how else do we have children. I bet the robot is better anyway.
[12:25] Monkey: The robot *vibrates*.
[12:25] Monkey: and the robot isn't afraid to cuddle.
[12:26] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: And its just as cold as its owner
[12:26] Monkey: It's in the embrace of his cold metal arms that I really feel like an androgynous, genetically altered primate.
[12:26] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: you mean freak?
[12:26] Monkey: you take that back!
[12:27] * Monkey screeches and fires up the laser guided poo cannons
[12:27] Monkey: you're a freak, grossly malformed Cockroach/llama hybrid!
[12:27] Monkey: I'll have you know that Offspring Unit #7 isn't even yours!
[12:28] * Linley places everyone else in the room in protection from poo boxes and hands them popcorn..
[12:28] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: How do you know whose any of them are? You marked your fluid extractions in eraseable pen!
[12:29] Monkey: Everyone stand back. This is between me and my insidious creation.
[12:29] * Jeff_OOC eats and watches amused.
[12:29] Monkey: Yes, but I tattooed their genetic code on their mandibles in ultraviolet ink!
[12:30] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: And why do I care which ones are mine? Its not like you let me make any of them!
[12:30] Monkey: Never leave a trail! Your methods have always been sloppy...that's why I'm always 2 steps ahead!
[12:30] Monkey: you know it would compromise the experiment to allow flesh and fluid to come into contact under heat and pressure.
[12:31] Monkey: All offspring units must be germinated and incubated under entirely sterile conditions
[12:31] Monkey: why else would I have allowed you to modify the microwave in such a way as to be condusive to the development of carbon based life?
[12:31] Monkey: did you think it was some kind of game?
[12:31] Monkey: I haven't had decent popcorn in 3 years!
[12:32] Monkey: and why should you care...you know ::sniffle:: Offspring Unit #3 has your eyes...and your antennae...::Sniffle::
[12:33] Monkey: They keep asking..."Where's the patriarch...where's the patriarch?" In their tiny, biumverated binary droning...
[12:34] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: you can program them to have any of my qualities, where's the passion, the mystery of randomly generated spawning?
[12:34] Monkey: Is that what you want? A random element?
[12:35] * Monkey sniffles, powering down the cannons.
[12:35] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: all i ask is an old fashioned fluid exchange by which genetic sequences are matched at random, is that so wrong?
[12:35] Monkey: It's...so...savage...
[12:36] Sick_Little_Freak: that's the best part
[12:36] Monkey: ::Sniffles:: I'll...I'll give it thought.
[12:36] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: In case you hadn't noticed, we are mammalia.
[12:36] Monkey: Well...you're only partially mammalian.
[12:36] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: It's natural
[12:36] Jeff_OOC: true but deliberate sequencing ensures survival with the ideal and best ualities put into the proper places, random matching doesn't allow for ideal creation
[12:36] Monkey: I did splice your genetic code with that of a cockroach, you might be enclined to spray an egg sack with seminal array.
[12:37] Monkey: Listen to the bison! Listen to the bison!
[12:37] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: the Bison has obviously never been laid
[12:37] Monkey: The bison has known the pleasures of the Killbot 82-x6
[12:37] Jeff_the_Bison: actually, yes i have. sex is fun, reproduction shoulbd be a science.
[12:38] * Monkey sniffles
[12:38] Monkey: Perhaps a sexual experiment is in order. I'll have to research the proceedure and get back to you.
[12:38] Monkey: Come along, Bison.
[12:38] * Jeff_the_Bison follows
[12:39] * Monkey plays some Barry White in accordance with standard proceedure and dims the hallogen lights, closing the hydraulic doors.
[12:39] Monkey: BBL
[12:39] Jeff_the_Bison: what kind of experiment?
[12:40] * Monkey pulls the bison into the laboratory, hangs a "Delicate Research in Progress: Do not Disturb" sign on the door, and turns up the Barry White
[12:40] * Monkey shifts the hydraulic locks into place, and turns up the sound dampening field to muffle the screams.
[12:41] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: Poor Bison, he'll never bee the sameee
[11:40] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: I had another monkey?
[11:40] Monkey: he wasn't a monkey, he was just a midget with a lot of body hair.
[11:41] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: Liam?
[11:41] Monkey: I think his name was...Perducci.
[11:42] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: Perducci? I don't know any Perducci, unless he was that cockroach that took over my kitchen for a while.
[11:42] Monkey: those were bad cockroaches.
[11:42] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: Barricaded the door with cereal boxes....asshole.
[11:42] Monkey: with their tiny little cigarettes and gangland tattoos on their mahogany wings.
[11:43] Monkey: The worst cockroaches are the ones that fly and hiss.
[11:43] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: I mean, whoever heard of a bug pulling a switchblade on you?
[11:45] Monkey: those were some bad roaches.
[11:46] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: I used a rocket launcher with serin gas on them.
[11:46] Monkey: that explains why we can't go back in the kitchen.
[11:46] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: Didn't kill them, but they fell asleep long enough to smash them with my bat.
[11:47] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: While I injected myself with Lidocaine every 15 minutes.
[11:47] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: The detox was hell.
[11:50] Monkey: Aaron, you need to quit poisoning parts of the house.
[11:50] Monkey: where does it end, really?
[11:50] Monkey: asbestos comforters?
[11:50] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: i dunno
[11:50] Monkey: dry ice linings on the toilet seats?
[11:51] Monkey: I keep wondering if you're trying to rid us of a pest problem or if you're just trying to kill me.
[11:51] Monkey: and think of the children, for heaven's sake.
[11:52] Monkey: And I notice you didn't give *me* any lidocaine. I woke up on the kitchen floor 8 days later with some serious bat injuries and a bunch of cockroach gang tags spraypainted all over me.
[11:52] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: i swear, once we get rid of those Llama's we can put everything back
[11:52] Monkey: The llamas are my business associates.
[11:52] Monkey: I need them for science.
[11:54] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: and if you hadn't been wearing that black cape i would have known better than to smack you with the bat, what were you doing, trading recipes with the vaginaroaches?
[11:54] Monkey: I needed the black cape.
[11:54] Monkey: for more science.
[11:55] Monkey: and you leave the vaginaroaches out of this. They've been marginalized enough.
[11:55] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: all this science, don't you think when the roaches get opposable thumbs you've gone a little too far?
[11:55] Monkey: they at least had the good sense to skitter out before the serin bombs dropped.
[11:55] Monkey: the roaches needed the opposeable thumbs. How else were they going to work the can opener?
[11:55] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: oh, so you are saying vaginaroaches are smarter than cockroaches?
[11:56] Monkey: and who else was going to make me spaghettio's huh?
[11:56] Monkey: I'm just saying they were out the door while the cockroaches were going "Oooh! A fog! No one can see us loot!"
[11:56] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: you can't operate the can opener and the microwave?
[11:56] Monkey: sometimes I need a little help, okay? Especially when I've been knocked out by serin gas!
[11:56] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: Are you saying cocks cause kleptomania?
[11:57] Monkey: I might be. Studies tend to suggest it.
[11:57] Monkey: I might also be saying dry ice in the toilet leads to inconvenient cock related accidents in a fellow researcher.
[11:57] Monkey: I might also be saying that you don't want to open your sock drawer for a few more hours.
[11:57] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: oh really?
[11:58] Monkey: Perhaps.
[11:58] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: you may want to put a mask on before opening your laptop, perhaps
[11:58] Monkey: why would I want toasdafwzabaqw3r4qarxedtcfsz...
[11:59] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: gotcha!
[12:00] Monkey: you'll
[12:00] Monkey: pay
[12:00] Monkey: for
[12:00] Monkey: this...
[12:01] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: See what happens when you mess with the master researcher?
[12:01] Monkey: noitcnuflam draobyek eht rof dnA
[12:01] Monkey: ?ynnuf si siht kniht uoy od
[12:01] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: Let this be a lesson to all.
[12:02] Monkey: !UOY YORTSED LLIW I
[12:02] Monkey: You know what else is funny?
[12:02] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: what?
[12:02] Monkey: go outside and smoke a cigarette. I dare you.
[12:02] Monkey: I double *dog* dare you.
[12:02] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: alreadsy pewroijqgjqokrgrgm'q
[12:03] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: !Oi3jrtt4fm098cj&*A4332lkNIDSj320@o3ir094tu309*7&
[12:03] Monkey: nothing like a neurotoxin that easily piggybacks on Nicotine molecules...
[12:04] Monkey: Compounds are natures little practical jokes.
[12:04] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: qoijf iwqoejfijg oqijergj weqfoi!
[12:06] Monkey: What's that? You want the antedote?
[12:06] Monkey: maybe you should lick it off the kitchen FLOOR!
[12:07] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: By all means, it's the only room I haven't boobie trapped!
[12:08] Monkey: BLAST!
[12:08] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: Get out of THAT one!
[12:09] Monkey: you and your nefarious inventions, me and my insidious chemicals...will we ever learn to love?
[12:11] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: i thought that's what we did with those helmet things last night
[12:12] Monkey: that wasn't love. That was research. And I think you're hypothesis was tested a bit more easily than mine, if you get my drift.
[12:12] Monkey: *your
[12:15] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: just because my synapses connect more quickly, you consider me somehow limited? clearly my intelligence is advanced
[12:17] Monkey: Limited, no. Unable to efficiently collaborate, yes. And believe me, such innefficiencies cost you. I'll remind you that you *weren't* circumcised before you went to bed.
[12:17] Monkey: I also believe you sabotaged my helmet.
[12:18] Monkey: And my llamas.
[12:20] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: Put a helmet on your precious Llamas then, since you like them so well.
[12:22] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: see if your llamas can "efficiently collaborate"
[12:22] Jeff_OOC: actually they can
[12:22] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: you stay out of this, are you a monkey, llama or cockroach?
[12:22] Jeff_OOC: they've been pounding at typewriters for a couple years now. They already have 9/10ths of henry the 5th
[12:22] Monkey: My llamas efficiently collaborate way better than you ever could, with or without a helmet
[12:23] Monkey: You've met Jeff, my genetically altered bison.
[12:24] * Jeff_OOC salutes
[12:24] Monkey: He has a plexiglass side so that you can watch his digestion system in action.
[12:24] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: How would you know how I do without a helmet? You are so paranoid about non-synthetic fluids you can't take a blood sample!
[12:25] Monkey: that's why I programmed my robot to siphon you while you're asleep.
[12:25] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: That Bison belongs in the Museum of Science and Industry
[12:25] Jeff_OOC: jeff the bison belongs to no man
[12:25] Monkey: I *own* the museum of science and industry! I bought it for a quarter from a *very* drunk man.
[12:25] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: Well, duh, how else do we have children. I bet the robot is better anyway.
[12:25] Monkey: The robot *vibrates*.
[12:25] Monkey: and the robot isn't afraid to cuddle.
[12:26] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: And its just as cold as its owner
[12:26] Monkey: It's in the embrace of his cold metal arms that I really feel like an androgynous, genetically altered primate.
[12:26] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: you mean freak?
[12:26] Monkey: you take that back!
[12:27] * Monkey screeches and fires up the laser guided poo cannons
[12:27] Monkey: you're a freak, grossly malformed Cockroach/llama hybrid!
[12:27] Monkey: I'll have you know that Offspring Unit #7 isn't even yours!
[12:28] * Linley places everyone else in the room in protection from poo boxes and hands them popcorn..
[12:28] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: How do you know whose any of them are? You marked your fluid extractions in eraseable pen!
[12:29] Monkey: Everyone stand back. This is between me and my insidious creation.
[12:29] * Jeff_OOC eats and watches amused.
[12:29] Monkey: Yes, but I tattooed their genetic code on their mandibles in ultraviolet ink!
[12:30] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: And why do I care which ones are mine? Its not like you let me make any of them!
[12:30] Monkey: Never leave a trail! Your methods have always been sloppy...that's why I'm always 2 steps ahead!
[12:30] Monkey: you know it would compromise the experiment to allow flesh and fluid to come into contact under heat and pressure.
[12:31] Monkey: All offspring units must be germinated and incubated under entirely sterile conditions
[12:31] Monkey: why else would I have allowed you to modify the microwave in such a way as to be condusive to the development of carbon based life?
[12:31] Monkey: did you think it was some kind of game?
[12:31] Monkey: I haven't had decent popcorn in 3 years!
[12:32] Monkey: and why should you care...you know ::sniffle:: Offspring Unit #3 has your eyes...and your antennae...::Sniffle::
[12:33] Monkey: They keep asking..."Where's the patriarch...where's the patriarch?" In their tiny, biumverated binary droning...
[12:34] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: you can program them to have any of my qualities, where's the passion, the mystery of randomly generated spawning?
[12:34] Monkey: Is that what you want? A random element?
[12:35] * Monkey sniffles, powering down the cannons.
[12:35] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: all i ask is an old fashioned fluid exchange by which genetic sequences are matched at random, is that so wrong?
[12:35] Monkey: It's...so...savage...
[12:36] Sick_Little_Freak: that's the best part
[12:36] Monkey: ::Sniffles:: I'll...I'll give it thought.
[12:36] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: In case you hadn't noticed, we are mammalia.
[12:36] Monkey: Well...you're only partially mammalian.
[12:36] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: It's natural
[12:36] Jeff_OOC: true but deliberate sequencing ensures survival with the ideal and best ualities put into the proper places, random matching doesn't allow for ideal creation
[12:36] Monkey: I did splice your genetic code with that of a cockroach, you might be enclined to spray an egg sack with seminal array.
[12:37] Monkey: Listen to the bison! Listen to the bison!
[12:37] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: the Bison has obviously never been laid
[12:37] Monkey: The bison has known the pleasures of the Killbot 82-x6
[12:37] Jeff_the_Bison: actually, yes i have. sex is fun, reproduction shoulbd be a science.
[12:38] * Monkey sniffles
[12:38] Monkey: Perhaps a sexual experiment is in order. I'll have to research the proceedure and get back to you.
[12:38] Monkey: Come along, Bison.
[12:38] * Jeff_the_Bison follows
[12:39] * Monkey plays some Barry White in accordance with standard proceedure and dims the hallogen lights, closing the hydraulic doors.
[12:39] Monkey: BBL
[12:39] Jeff_the_Bison: what kind of experiment?
[12:40] * Monkey pulls the bison into the laboratory, hangs a "Delicate Research in Progress: Do not Disturb" sign on the door, and turns up the Barry White
[12:40] * Monkey shifts the hydraulic locks into place, and turns up the sound dampening field to muffle the screams.
[12:41] Aaron-MakingRooatwork: Poor Bison, he'll never bee the sameee