love and light.
The best advice I can give someone going through the stages of grief is to occupy yourself with something productive, by that I don’t mean hedonistic pursuits of shopping, eating or even going on long spa treatments. That’s all good and well for awhile, but the rewards are transient and hence somewhat unfulfilling. Instead, spend some time helping others, nurturing a living creature, volunteer your hand in conservation. It’s not about scoring personal points, but it’s knowing that you’ve expended your energy on something which directly alleviates the suffering of another is in itself the reward.
That’s how I’ve coped with my past break-ups and losses. There was one time during my uni vacation, I signed up for three months in a steering committee for Camp Rainbow just after I broke up with my first r/s. It allowed me to not only meet new folks (and this was before CIP hours were a requirement in one’s tertiary education), more importantly it made me learn to step outside my egocentric preoccupation. Seeing the pure joy and laughter coming from these children in their frail and terminally-ill frames was enough to make me see how self-involved I was. Decades later after another break up I volunteered my band for a little charity event called Cycling for Cancer. It wasn’t terribly huge but held at the now Scape at Orchard, it attracted a considerable crowd and raised awareness for the cause, and some decent funds as well. After my divorce, I spent a month helping to clean up a large part of the coral features at offshore parts of our island. Lately I’ve been trying to focus on helping the elderly in my vicinity. I haven’t joined up with any group in general but I try to check in on my neighbours, a few of whom have become close only because their survival spirit moves me. I don’t take any credit for anything I’ve done except to be content that I’ve channeled my energies in a positive way. I plan to also volunteer my kids and myself for some animal shelter work come june. I’m sure that is part of being a mom, to live by decent example even if everything else has been short of comic disasters haha
Point of this is that the beauty of channeling your god-given light to help others far surpasses self-pity and self-love. Embrace it, and make good of it. And when someone compliments you for it, don’t take it to your vanity, but think of how you can bless him with it. Say thank you, and pass it on.
Warholian tribute to the Buddha adorns the living room
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a simple cross-word philosophy to better living
The caravan of digits that is pi
does not stop at the edge of the page,
but runs off the table and into the air,
over the wall, a leaf, a bird's nest, the clouds, straight into the sky,
through all the bloatedness and bottomlessness.
Oh how short, all but mouse-like is the comet's tail!
- Wisława Szymborska
That’s how I’ve coped with my past break-ups and losses. There was one time during my uni vacation, I signed up for three months in a steering committee for Camp Rainbow just after I broke up with my first r/s. It allowed me to not only meet new folks (and this was before CIP hours were a requirement in one’s tertiary education), more importantly it made me learn to step outside my egocentric preoccupation. Seeing the pure joy and laughter coming from these children in their frail and terminally-ill frames was enough to make me see how self-involved I was. Decades later after another break up I volunteered my band for a little charity event called Cycling for Cancer. It wasn’t terribly huge but held at the now Scape at Orchard, it attracted a considerable crowd and raised awareness for the cause, and some decent funds as well. After my divorce, I spent a month helping to clean up a large part of the coral features at offshore parts of our island. Lately I’ve been trying to focus on helping the elderly in my vicinity. I haven’t joined up with any group in general but I try to check in on my neighbours, a few of whom have become close only because their survival spirit moves me. I don’t take any credit for anything I’ve done except to be content that I’ve channeled my energies in a positive way. I plan to also volunteer my kids and myself for some animal shelter work come june. I’m sure that is part of being a mom, to live by decent example even if everything else has been short of comic disasters haha
Point of this is that the beauty of channeling your god-given light to help others far surpasses self-pity and self-love. Embrace it, and make good of it. And when someone compliments you for it, don’t take it to your vanity, but think of how you can bless him with it. Say thank you, and pass it on.
Warholian tribute to the Buddha adorns the living room
---
a simple cross-word philosophy to better living
The caravan of digits that is pi
does not stop at the edge of the page,
but runs off the table and into the air,
over the wall, a leaf, a bird's nest, the clouds, straight into the sky,
through all the bloatedness and bottomlessness.
Oh how short, all but mouse-like is the comet's tail!
- Wisława Szymborska