talking loud and queer.
having been out for nearly a decade, i've been the subject of two honours dissertations, countless survey-questionaire type interviews, two publications in glbt webbies, and unending queries about my sexuality. not bad for a late-bloomer. that may also explain why i seem ageless in psyche.perhaps i'm merely a 10y.o constantly trying to re-invent her entire life to adapt to externalities of family expectations, career roles and public (even legal) approval.
i've never looked back since, except for a couple of really challenging moments when i saw how others may've been hurt by my choices. i even trip around that word 'choices' because i often wonder if our sexual preference is pre-determined or an exercise of free-will. if it were so, why would we 'choose' to sacrifice stability and even our livelihood for the sake of our inner truth? what price is worth our principles?
i'm just blessed with really cool co-workers mostly who never flinched when i came out to them, or when they knew but respectfully didn't need to bring it up. perhaps there is a certain divine will which shapes my life here. for every year that i've been here i've met with a really fine lot of humanity who has somehow accepted my differences and even respected me for them. it's the sort of validation which builds my confidence in being who i am. even students who inevitably or previously through some grapevine know about me never seem to judge or interfere. it helps me do my job with honesty and comfortably knowing that i don't need to keep a tiring facade, which itself would contradict my strident principle of intergrity.
as with my two shrubs, it's been babysteps but ultimately rewarding progress. i've been out to them since they had a decent vocabulary and understanding of the world around them. it's been one of those 'we know,we get it but we won't ask further' dynamics. that's a good place to start, especially when i do settle down eventually with my partner. perhaps timing is the essence. that and personality. jo's always been resistant to anomalies but her teen years are shaping her into a more open-minded individual. jill will for ever be my bff, that confidante i will turn to whenever the world gets a little rough and she will, as always provide platitudes of wisdom coupled with a sincere hug.
i guess the gist of this entry is to assure anyone out there grappling with your latent irregularities, whether it's with your gender, sexuality or even faiths, to not give up on yourselves, even if the challenge to be who you are and what you want to be may overwhelm your resolve. the more you listen to your soul and its truths, the closer you will be to attaining that peace. quite easily done haha. and you can always come (out) to me if you need a listening ear.
namaste.
i've never looked back since, except for a couple of really challenging moments when i saw how others may've been hurt by my choices. i even trip around that word 'choices' because i often wonder if our sexual preference is pre-determined or an exercise of free-will. if it were so, why would we 'choose' to sacrifice stability and even our livelihood for the sake of our inner truth? what price is worth our principles?
i'm just blessed with really cool co-workers mostly who never flinched when i came out to them, or when they knew but respectfully didn't need to bring it up. perhaps there is a certain divine will which shapes my life here. for every year that i've been here i've met with a really fine lot of humanity who has somehow accepted my differences and even respected me for them. it's the sort of validation which builds my confidence in being who i am. even students who inevitably or previously through some grapevine know about me never seem to judge or interfere. it helps me do my job with honesty and comfortably knowing that i don't need to keep a tiring facade, which itself would contradict my strident principle of intergrity.
as with my two shrubs, it's been babysteps but ultimately rewarding progress. i've been out to them since they had a decent vocabulary and understanding of the world around them. it's been one of those 'we know,we get it but we won't ask further' dynamics. that's a good place to start, especially when i do settle down eventually with my partner. perhaps timing is the essence. that and personality. jo's always been resistant to anomalies but her teen years are shaping her into a more open-minded individual. jill will for ever be my bff, that confidante i will turn to whenever the world gets a little rough and she will, as always provide platitudes of wisdom coupled with a sincere hug.
i guess the gist of this entry is to assure anyone out there grappling with your latent irregularities, whether it's with your gender, sexuality or even faiths, to not give up on yourselves, even if the challenge to be who you are and what you want to be may overwhelm your resolve. the more you listen to your soul and its truths, the closer you will be to attaining that peace. quite easily done haha. and you can always come (out) to me if you need a listening ear.
namaste.