breaking up is hard to do.
the weekend was rough.tried to gym it out but got home and a wave of depression hit hard.worse part was the kids were there to witness it. i can't remember half of it coz i had downed a few shots of absolut and i think i was wailing like a demented child at some point. the kids were so sweet coz for once they took their tasks to the third room at the back of the kitchen to give me space.
i've not eaten since saturday. i can't seem to muster the appetite. everything feels nauseating. jill offered me a piece of chox which i promptly hurled. i've been living on too many ciggies and green tea.maybe a part of me wants to premature some organ failure leading to death.i don't know.i float around in a weird limbo.
on a small flipside, the suggestion of ab-line has reappeared.omg i realise how bad that scalded finger looks (long story involving canteen food)
i guess what made this break up worse was that i truly deeply and madly was in love (I think i still am). but it was caused by me and my fucked up rage issues.i guess it always was the catalysts to my previous break-ups too.yup im sensing a pattern here indeed.
for now i just want to find my foothold again. this funk is eating into my sleep and work.i need to regroup and make things right again.babysteps.
all i know is i'll never get into another r/s again. now that i've been made to see my flaws i realise a little too late that they have always been destructive. i can only hope to mellow with age and stop repeating these cycles of emotional fatigue.i think i shall need to also redirect my energies on improving myself, namely as a mother. the rest i'll leave to the man upstairs.
that said, the beauty that has risen from all this is from my friends and family.the wave of support is moving. you all rock. who knew i'd be telling me big sis about my disastrous lesbian r/s. she even offered to take the kids off my hands for the day.sweet.
say 3 times, viv: i will not be a victim
and never break up on a friday, you will have the leisure of the entire weekend to mindfuck haha
i've not eaten since saturday. i can't seem to muster the appetite. everything feels nauseating. jill offered me a piece of chox which i promptly hurled. i've been living on too many ciggies and green tea.maybe a part of me wants to premature some organ failure leading to death.i don't know.i float around in a weird limbo.
on a small flipside, the suggestion of ab-line has reappeared.omg i realise how bad that scalded finger looks (long story involving canteen food)
i guess what made this break up worse was that i truly deeply and madly was in love (I think i still am). but it was caused by me and my fucked up rage issues.i guess it always was the catalysts to my previous break-ups too.yup im sensing a pattern here indeed.
for now i just want to find my foothold again. this funk is eating into my sleep and work.i need to regroup and make things right again.babysteps.
all i know is i'll never get into another r/s again. now that i've been made to see my flaws i realise a little too late that they have always been destructive. i can only hope to mellow with age and stop repeating these cycles of emotional fatigue.i think i shall need to also redirect my energies on improving myself, namely as a mother. the rest i'll leave to the man upstairs.
that said, the beauty that has risen from all this is from my friends and family.the wave of support is moving. you all rock. who knew i'd be telling me big sis about my disastrous lesbian r/s. she even offered to take the kids off my hands for the day.sweet.
say 3 times, viv: i will not be a victim
and never break up on a friday, you will have the leisure of the entire weekend to mindfuck haha