.....

[aww_not_again2]

...right now i feel the worst i've ever felt in my entire life. my heart is so broken and i don't know what i'm supposed to do. i can't sleep and i can't eat and i can't stop crying. i feel so lost and hopeless and this is so not like me.

i just want everything to be like it was...like it should be. i want to feel loved and wanted and important and needed. i want everything that i thought i had. i want not to worry so much, not to care so much. not to still be so very much in love.

my brain keeps saying that it's all just a big misunderstanding and that i'll be happy and confident in the end, but my heart won't listen to my brain and it's crumbling to pieces and i can't even begin to calm down.

i've never had my heart broken like this before. and, the funny thing is, i used to wonder whether or not i really loved him. whether the feelings that i had were the real 100% thing or if i was just creating this illusion for myself. now, when i can only seem to think the worst, it's impossible not to know that i really really really want this to work. i really really really had put all of myself, all of my being, into making us happy. because i loved him. because i still love him..

or maybe because i'm an idiot.

i'm so tired.

somebody (not anybody) rescue me. i'm about to go off the deep end.