(no subject)
Tonight (well Sunday night) has been a night of sharing, and it was very encouraging to hear people's testimonies and how God works in their life. I know some people who don't know me well may find all this spiritual talk from me like "What happened to her?", but let people say what they want, because when I know I have something good in my life, nothing will stop me from sharing what makes me happy and the feeling of security and peace He brings.
I won't be sharing really personal testimonies but rather, personal feelings. I had been thinking for a couple of weeks of how far I've come the past few years mentally and spiritually and all the self-reflection has accumulated into my desire to share, for those who wish to hear. No one is obligated to hear(or read), but of course sharing is pointless if no one else is involved, right? Anyway, before I continue in this drawl, I had better get to my sharing. This is just one face of my sharing, so if any of my friends would like to know more of how Christ is still changing me, I'll be happy to share :)
I was born into a Christian family(although my Dad was a staunch Buddhist but he later accepted Christ when I was around 13) but made the conscious decision to accept Christ when I was around 12, which was the same time I started attending New Creation Church. I backslid during most of my secondary school years, but started going regularly at the beginning of Sec 4. During my time in church, I got along well with the people there and learned more about the Word but I did not fellowship much, or almost at all with my church friends. Fellow-shipping with my godly brothers and sisters to me at that time equated to just catching up over lunch. I mean, fellow-shipping is kinda catching up with your godly bros and sisters but when we share our problems, we encourage and advise each other with godly advice, knowing that God is our answer and solution to our giants(problems in life).
I started to backslid again when I started dating Tony, because I had my priorities wrong and partially because he didn't like me going to church with a group of guys(there were girls in the group of course). What do I mean when I say I had my priorities wrong? I very simply, but with heavy consequences, put my then-boyfriend before God. I had entered into a worldly-relationship when I should have continued developing my relationship with Christ, or at least have a godly-relationship with a guy. So needless to say, I was spiritually dry for almost 2 years and I was a lost sheep without its shepherd. It wasn't that God left me; He was always with me and I still continued to pray daily, but my eyes were closed to the revelation that I still needed to hear His word and continue going to church to have sustenence. I had many problems in the relationship, the major root of it I felt was because it was not a godly-relationship but more of a sinful relationship. He and I were on different Spiritual levels. I stayed in the relationship because I just 'settled' into it; and it was just a cycle of sin which was hard to get out of, even though I desperately wanted to end it. I prayed to God to help me because in that relationship, I found myself trying to tolerate each day in the relationship, it made me feel trapped and I was unable to be totally myself. When it gets to the point where you think twice before you say or do anything, or when you have to bear with the condemnation and emotional guilt-traps, it can really wear you down.
On hindsight, God answered my prayer because usually we'd meet on Sundays(not for going to church) but then Tony had some soccer practice, so being alone all by myself on a Sunday, I called up my church friend and started going to church again, but the change wasn't immediate. I was slowly empowered and started to listen to the Word and realized that I was missing out on so much - I should not have given up Christ(not totally given up, but not going to church for almost 2 years). Shortly after that, we simply had less time to meet up and drifted apart(on my part, at least, I don't know about the other party) and I ended the relationship. And all the time, I was praying to God to help me end it. Before anyone gets the wrong impression, God is not a relationship-breaker. I was the one who wanted to initiate it and I asked God to help me prevent any unpleasant situations and to bless me (us) with a clean break.
I felt such a sense of liberation, relief and peace. Friends were asking me if I was alright and if everything was fine - I truly was fine; I was happy. It wasn't something I had to second guess - I had broken out of the sinful cycle! I no longer had to answer to anybody, deal with emotional blackmail and guilt. I had all the time in the world to do things I wanted to do and develop myself as a person and as a child of God. So I started going to church with my same group of friends before I backslid(plus a couple more of new faces) and thank God that they were gracious and accepted me with no questions asked, and none of the "Why did you suddenly disappear after 2 years and decided to come back?" which I was expecting. I think it certainly helped me in starting to attend church regularly again, knowing that I am not condemned for my absence.
So how does my break up tie-in with going to church? I'm getting there :)
Even though it's almost been half a year since the relationship ended, I had bitterness stored in my heart. I felt bitter because I felt I had wasted my youth and time, did things which I regret and I blamed him partially. And while I received the revelation that God has forgiven all my past, present and future sins, I was still holding myself back from full and complete wholeness because I could not fully get over that relationship. So today's message was powerful - Pastor told us to forgive whoever has sin in our hearts and to have it sent away to Jesus(because He died for ALL sins), so that I will not carry that person's sin in me anymore. And while I still have to continue to proclaim and reflect on it a bit more, I have received the revelation to remove the bitterness in me.
Because of Christ, I am made more aware that His love is with me, and it really comforts me. And even when I sin, knowing that someone still loves me with no judgement gives me the security to walk with my head held high. And the best part is, He never left me. Even after all the years and times where I backslid and questioned His presence when I was going through problems in my relationship, He was there. I just didn't cultivate His presence. He gives me direction, hope and best of all, the love that no one can give me. His love is unlike my parents or any boy could give me, and I don't have to be afraid of losing it; nothing I could do would put me out of His favour. Nothing could demerit me from receiving the blessings and gift of righteousness. I don't have to earn anything; I have it all simply because I believe in Him, and that He loves me more than I can comprehend.
So while I still like to look at cute guys(superficially), I don't worry/think about trying to impress them or catch their eye anymore, because the person or rather, being, I want to cultivate a relationship with is God. When I have Him as my number one, everything else just falls into place. Of course, I also thank God for my church friends la :)
I won't be sharing really personal testimonies but rather, personal feelings. I had been thinking for a couple of weeks of how far I've come the past few years mentally and spiritually and all the self-reflection has accumulated into my desire to share, for those who wish to hear. No one is obligated to hear(or read), but of course sharing is pointless if no one else is involved, right? Anyway, before I continue in this drawl, I had better get to my sharing. This is just one face of my sharing, so if any of my friends would like to know more of how Christ is still changing me, I'll be happy to share :)
I was born into a Christian family(although my Dad was a staunch Buddhist but he later accepted Christ when I was around 13) but made the conscious decision to accept Christ when I was around 12, which was the same time I started attending New Creation Church. I backslid during most of my secondary school years, but started going regularly at the beginning of Sec 4. During my time in church, I got along well with the people there and learned more about the Word but I did not fellowship much, or almost at all with my church friends. Fellow-shipping with my godly brothers and sisters to me at that time equated to just catching up over lunch. I mean, fellow-shipping is kinda catching up with your godly bros and sisters but when we share our problems, we encourage and advise each other with godly advice, knowing that God is our answer and solution to our giants(problems in life).
I started to backslid again when I started dating Tony, because I had my priorities wrong and partially because he didn't like me going to church with a group of guys(there were girls in the group of course). What do I mean when I say I had my priorities wrong? I very simply, but with heavy consequences, put my then-boyfriend before God. I had entered into a worldly-relationship when I should have continued developing my relationship with Christ, or at least have a godly-relationship with a guy. So needless to say, I was spiritually dry for almost 2 years and I was a lost sheep without its shepherd. It wasn't that God left me; He was always with me and I still continued to pray daily, but my eyes were closed to the revelation that I still needed to hear His word and continue going to church to have sustenence. I had many problems in the relationship, the major root of it I felt was because it was not a godly-relationship but more of a sinful relationship. He and I were on different Spiritual levels. I stayed in the relationship because I just 'settled' into it; and it was just a cycle of sin which was hard to get out of, even though I desperately wanted to end it. I prayed to God to help me because in that relationship, I found myself trying to tolerate each day in the relationship, it made me feel trapped and I was unable to be totally myself. When it gets to the point where you think twice before you say or do anything, or when you have to bear with the condemnation and emotional guilt-traps, it can really wear you down.
On hindsight, God answered my prayer because usually we'd meet on Sundays(not for going to church) but then Tony had some soccer practice, so being alone all by myself on a Sunday, I called up my church friend and started going to church again, but the change wasn't immediate. I was slowly empowered and started to listen to the Word and realized that I was missing out on so much - I should not have given up Christ(not totally given up, but not going to church for almost 2 years). Shortly after that, we simply had less time to meet up and drifted apart(on my part, at least, I don't know about the other party) and I ended the relationship. And all the time, I was praying to God to help me end it. Before anyone gets the wrong impression, God is not a relationship-breaker. I was the one who wanted to initiate it and I asked God to help me prevent any unpleasant situations and to bless me (us) with a clean break.
I felt such a sense of liberation, relief and peace. Friends were asking me if I was alright and if everything was fine - I truly was fine; I was happy. It wasn't something I had to second guess - I had broken out of the sinful cycle! I no longer had to answer to anybody, deal with emotional blackmail and guilt. I had all the time in the world to do things I wanted to do and develop myself as a person and as a child of God. So I started going to church with my same group of friends before I backslid(plus a couple more of new faces) and thank God that they were gracious and accepted me with no questions asked, and none of the "Why did you suddenly disappear after 2 years and decided to come back?" which I was expecting. I think it certainly helped me in starting to attend church regularly again, knowing that I am not condemned for my absence.
So how does my break up tie-in with going to church? I'm getting there :)
Even though it's almost been half a year since the relationship ended, I had bitterness stored in my heart. I felt bitter because I felt I had wasted my youth and time, did things which I regret and I blamed him partially. And while I received the revelation that God has forgiven all my past, present and future sins, I was still holding myself back from full and complete wholeness because I could not fully get over that relationship. So today's message was powerful - Pastor told us to forgive whoever has sin in our hearts and to have it sent away to Jesus(because He died for ALL sins), so that I will not carry that person's sin in me anymore. And while I still have to continue to proclaim and reflect on it a bit more, I have received the revelation to remove the bitterness in me.
Because of Christ, I am made more aware that His love is with me, and it really comforts me. And even when I sin, knowing that someone still loves me with no judgement gives me the security to walk with my head held high. And the best part is, He never left me. Even after all the years and times where I backslid and questioned His presence when I was going through problems in my relationship, He was there. I just didn't cultivate His presence. He gives me direction, hope and best of all, the love that no one can give me. His love is unlike my parents or any boy could give me, and I don't have to be afraid of losing it; nothing I could do would put me out of His favour. Nothing could demerit me from receiving the blessings and gift of righteousness. I don't have to earn anything; I have it all simply because I believe in Him, and that He loves me more than I can comprehend.
So while I still like to look at cute guys(superficially), I don't worry/think about trying to impress them or catch their eye anymore, because the person or rather, being, I want to cultivate a relationship with is God. When I have Him as my number one, everything else just falls into place. Of course, I also thank God for my church friends la :)