This is Going to Be All Over The Place
WARNING: You don't have to read this entry...it's just a chance for me to get some things off my thoughts...and it is going to help me think things through.
Ok...so lately things have been going really well...no major drama...smooth sailing. I thought I had things all figured out...boy was I wrong. Its not that life is terrible right now, or that I'm completely lost...but I've been thinking alot lately and things are alot more confusing than I had thought...I think I've been ignoring my real/true feelings.
1st, Friends. I have made many new friends this year, and built up my friendships with others...but I have also lost touch with some of my best friends from last year. I don't talk to them as much...I have NO idea what is going on in their lives...and I feel really bad about it. I have tried to call them...or talk to them when I can...and I really want to be apart of their lives and vise-versa again...but nothing I do seems to build the relationship back up. Maybe I'm over reacting, but life just doesn't seem the same without them. These are the ppl that I was closest to last year, and it makes me really upset that our friendship is fading away. I know people change and High School changes things, but I really want those best friends back. Plus, I have friends that I don't think really view me as a friend, and I trust them, but it doesn't seem like they have any respect for me or our friendship. I think these problems are just adding to my stress...and it makes me think longer and harder, and things just get more confusing.
2nd, Family. My parents are CRAZY and lately they have been really clamping down on what they see as Anti-Christian behavior that I am showing them. but really...I think they are afraid that I am developing my own character and my own opinions. Because they are afraid that I am "going down the wrong path", they have given me 30 days to prove why I should be allowed to stay at DV. They are blaming my opinions and who I am on my school! What BS. I have like 15 days left...and I am really worried that they are going to pull me out. I have been putting on a show to try and convince them...but I don't know if it's working. I don't think I could go to school somewhere else for school...DV is my home...i love it. and I would HATE my parents forever if they moved me from there. This has added a TON of stress...because on top of trying to maintain good grades...my parents are not giving me the support I need. I am an independent person, so I don't need them everywhere I go...but it would be nice to get some emotional support from the people who are supposed to love me unconditional, regardless of my belefs.
3rd, Just Life. Stress. Speech. EVERYTHING. Things have become soooo much more stressful since after winter break. Speech has gotten INTENSE. And I love it and the people who make it amazing, but it is adding a ton of stress. State is in one week, I am taking congress, PFD and Impromptu for sure...but I really want the EXTEMP spot SOOOOOOOOo bad...and it is not decided yet. Yea, I would be happy for Michael if he got it, but i think that I have worked SOO much harder, and that I deserve it more. Not to sound cockey, but i think i could benefit the team more if I got the spot. I'm super excited for state, but it is very stressful. Then, I see that summer is coming...and that is good...but I don't have that special person to share it with. I know I'm a freshman, and that I'm prob. over reacting when it comes to not being in a relationship. But I just want to find that special someone SOO bad. I want to know waht it's like...etc. I don't know...I'm prob. over reacting about alot of the stuff that I'm stressed out about...but its really made me think. Things aren't how I thought they were...and I'm just confused about alot of stuff. Life is hard...I understand that...and I know there is no simple answer...but I would like at least some kind of sign or a small answer to some of my problems.
Those 3 areas are what are really holding me down right now, and making life so stressful. Thank God it is spring break..I really need the little break I can get, because my break is already full. Work, one or two days for hanging out, and then speech. Gahh!! But yea..this is prob. the longest entry I have ever written...and I want to end it by asking two of my best friends to give me a call, so we can catch up:
Miranda and Laura.
I miss both of you ALOT. And we should definetly hang out or something. So...PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE give me a call...480-747-2026.
That's all for now...thanks for reading this long rant...I said alot...but I don't know if it makes any sense to anyone but me.
Peace.
Ok...so lately things have been going really well...no major drama...smooth sailing. I thought I had things all figured out...boy was I wrong. Its not that life is terrible right now, or that I'm completely lost...but I've been thinking alot lately and things are alot more confusing than I had thought...I think I've been ignoring my real/true feelings.
1st, Friends. I have made many new friends this year, and built up my friendships with others...but I have also lost touch with some of my best friends from last year. I don't talk to them as much...I have NO idea what is going on in their lives...and I feel really bad about it. I have tried to call them...or talk to them when I can...and I really want to be apart of their lives and vise-versa again...but nothing I do seems to build the relationship back up. Maybe I'm over reacting, but life just doesn't seem the same without them. These are the ppl that I was closest to last year, and it makes me really upset that our friendship is fading away. I know people change and High School changes things, but I really want those best friends back. Plus, I have friends that I don't think really view me as a friend, and I trust them, but it doesn't seem like they have any respect for me or our friendship. I think these problems are just adding to my stress...and it makes me think longer and harder, and things just get more confusing.
2nd, Family. My parents are CRAZY and lately they have been really clamping down on what they see as Anti-Christian behavior that I am showing them. but really...I think they are afraid that I am developing my own character and my own opinions. Because they are afraid that I am "going down the wrong path", they have given me 30 days to prove why I should be allowed to stay at DV. They are blaming my opinions and who I am on my school! What BS. I have like 15 days left...and I am really worried that they are going to pull me out. I have been putting on a show to try and convince them...but I don't know if it's working. I don't think I could go to school somewhere else for school...DV is my home...i love it. and I would HATE my parents forever if they moved me from there. This has added a TON of stress...because on top of trying to maintain good grades...my parents are not giving me the support I need. I am an independent person, so I don't need them everywhere I go...but it would be nice to get some emotional support from the people who are supposed to love me unconditional, regardless of my belefs.
3rd, Just Life. Stress. Speech. EVERYTHING. Things have become soooo much more stressful since after winter break. Speech has gotten INTENSE. And I love it and the people who make it amazing, but it is adding a ton of stress. State is in one week, I am taking congress, PFD and Impromptu for sure...but I really want the EXTEMP spot SOOOOOOOOo bad...and it is not decided yet. Yea, I would be happy for Michael if he got it, but i think that I have worked SOO much harder, and that I deserve it more. Not to sound cockey, but i think i could benefit the team more if I got the spot. I'm super excited for state, but it is very stressful. Then, I see that summer is coming...and that is good...but I don't have that special person to share it with. I know I'm a freshman, and that I'm prob. over reacting when it comes to not being in a relationship. But I just want to find that special someone SOO bad. I want to know waht it's like...etc. I don't know...I'm prob. over reacting about alot of the stuff that I'm stressed out about...but its really made me think. Things aren't how I thought they were...and I'm just confused about alot of stuff. Life is hard...I understand that...and I know there is no simple answer...but I would like at least some kind of sign or a small answer to some of my problems.
Those 3 areas are what are really holding me down right now, and making life so stressful. Thank God it is spring break..I really need the little break I can get, because my break is already full. Work, one or two days for hanging out, and then speech. Gahh!! But yea..this is prob. the longest entry I have ever written...and I want to end it by asking two of my best friends to give me a call, so we can catch up:
Miranda and Laura.
I miss both of you ALOT. And we should definetly hang out or something. So...PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE give me a call...480-747-2026.
That's all for now...thanks for reading this long rant...I said alot...but I don't know if it makes any sense to anyone but me.
Peace.