The Joke That Doesn't Work
Chanyeol might seem like he’s a loud and outgoing person with a list of cute girls’ numbers stored inside his phone (and he probably is) but in reality, he is only stuck with two best friends; one is the nerd he saved from bullies during high school (who apparently loved One Piece as much as he did) named Kim Junmyeon and the handsome but lonesome bastard they both saved from starvation during their first year in university called Wu Yifan. Now that they are out here in the working world, the time to hang out together has lessen, but still, most weekends they are available for each other.
Although, Chanyeol can’t really bring himself to remember when it started, but lately, it is almost impossible for him to not discover about the other’s whereabouts whenever he asked either one of them.
“Junmyeon’s doing an overtime until eight o’clock tonight; he’ll rush here after he’s clocked out,” Yifan casually tells him as he takes off his denim jacket and sits down next to Chanyeol at the bar. Placing his phone on the dark marble top of the bar with his pretty long fingers still wiggling on the keypad of the Line screen app, Yifan orders his usual classic martini and pulls a smoulder when the young male bartender winks at him.
This handsome bastard knows no boundaries, Chanyeol thinks.
“He’s gonna collapse if he keeps overworking himself like that,” Chanyeol sighs, and sips on his beer. Yifan’s drink comes around at the same time with a small napkin underneath it, and no doubt that Chanyeol can see some numbers scribbled underneath it with a black ballpoint pen.
“Nah, he’s doing okay. I make sure he’s eating alright at home,” Yifan says distractedly as he takes a single look at the napkin and crumples it like the trash it is in his hand. Chanyeol raises his brows at that, and continues chugging down his beer.
Ah, that’s right. Kim Junmyeon and Wu Yifan are now housemates. It has been three years since the two of them were having a big feud over living arrangements after their graduation. Junmyeon was living with Chanyeol back then, and Yifan occasionally came around during weekends for a night of gaming and booze, in the beginning. It was a fun arrangement, but Chanyeol usually missed most nights since he was spending it at his girlfriends’ houses. That’s right, PLURAL TENSE. He was loose, he admits it.
After a few months, though, Chanyeol would sometimes catch Yifan walking out of the front door early in the morning when he returned on Mondays.
Anyways, the big feud happened mostly because of Chanyeol. He was moving out from the apartment he had been renting with Junmyeon since they first entered university, and even though he had had quite a number of women who would have gladly offered him a place to stay over the years, he hadn’t actually thought about living with them until this one girl came along.
Junmyeon had thrown quite a fit, to be honest. Saying things like ‘I won’t take you back even if you begged me!’ when they were talking about the deposit money and Chanyeol had said some hurtful things about Junmyeon wasn’t really a good housemate anyways. They argued about what a bothersome housemate they had been to each other, and why were they friends for so long, for God’s sakes? Yifan had been listening to them arguing, and it was only after a few days of them not talking that Yifan finally offered himself to be Junmyeon’s new housemate, and Chanyeol had smiled triumphantly as Junmyeon begrudgingly agreed.
Chanyeol knew Junmyeon was being a hard case because of the rent anyways. And secretly, he had always felt guilty whenever he brought home a girl while Junmyeon was asleep in the next room. Not that he was trying to hide it; she still had to leave in the morning and Junmyeon had always been an early riser.
“You’ve been his housemate for three years after we graduated. He’s not being a burden to you, yeah? It wasn’t my intention to dump him on you or anything, you know? It’s just hard for me to, you know, get some when someone who practically knows me inside out is around,” Chanyeol says, a little concerned. Yifan chuckles - his deep voice sounds to bubble nicely inside his throat and Chanyeol can see his Adam’s apple moving beneath his black turtle neck.
“It’s a bit too late for you to start feeling guilty now, you bastard. Agreed, he’s not the cleanest housemate I’ve ever had, but he’s not so bad. And I understand what you mean. You were the biggest horny jackass among three of us back then, after all,” Yifan tells him, and Chanyeol should feel relief by now, but something bothers him so much that he needs to ask about it.
“So... don’t you think it’s a bother to have him around when you bring home girls?” damn it he finally asks, and Yifan stops sipping on his martini, and starts thinking.
“I don’t bring them home. I don’t bring anyone home, actually.”
“What the hell... the other day we met you told me you’re on a date!” Chanyeol almost yell, and Yifan looks surprised. This other day being just last week’s Saturday evening and Yifan was wearing a rather classy dark camel cashmere trench coat on top of his black cotton jersey sweatshirt. It was Burberry, damn it. To think this current uprising PR officer for one of the biggest banks in Korea was almost dead due to starvation when they first met. Yifan’s hair was professionally styled, unlike his usual let-down, uncared style and anyone in their right mind would’ve thought he was on a date with someone.
“I said I was going out. As in literally out of the house.” Yifan dismisses his excited accusation with an awkward laugh. Chanyeol isn’t buying it.
“With whom?”
“Junmyeon. I was waiting for him to finish work so we could go for a dinner.” Yifan explains again, this time his voice is getting calmer.
“Whoah. You took him to dinner while wearing expensive shits like that? He’d think you’re wooing him, that dimwit.” Chanyeol says with a shake of the head, and Yifan shrugs with a meaningful smile. Chanyeol catches that expression, and his curiosity grows bigger tonight. Somehow, somehow... he smells a fire somewhere in between these two bastards.
“By the way, you said you’re feeding him right? You cook, seriously?”
“Better than most guys you’d ever met.”
“But his favourite food... you can just order it out, right? Or you can make-”
“Sushi isn’t so hard to make when you know the right way to cook the rice, to be honest.” Yifan cuts him off with ease, and smiles as if he just won a race. It’s not like Junmyeon’s favourite food is a secret - anyone could’ve known by just asking, and that’s not what makes Chanyeol lost his words for a moment there. It’s the fact that Yifan remembers that makes it a tiny wee bit more suspicious than it already is for Chanyeol.
They order another glass of their drinks respectively, and drink in silence for a couple of minutes. Yifan’s phone vibrates, and there’s a text message coming from Junmyeon. Chanyeol can only see the summary of it on the notification before Yifan picks it up, reads it, and giggles like a schoolgirl.
Your body is 75% water, and I’m...
What’s with the water joke? Chanyeol tries to remember where he had heard of it before, but none comes to mind. If only he could read to the end of the text.
“He’s on his way, and he asked if you’ve had your dinner because he’s buying.” Yifan says with a calm face, and puts down his phone back onto the bar top. Chanyeol nods and tells him that he’s had his dinner, and his girlfriend always prepares supper for him whenever he goes out drinking.
“You’ve caught yourself a nice one, dude.” Yifan praises him, and Chanyeol bows down in reply.
“Well, you should go out and fish, then. You can’t take care of Junmyeon forever, can you? Will you?” Chanyeol tries to bait, but Yifan doesn’t seem to be shaken by it. Instead, his expression turns warmer than it was few seconds ago.
“I actually like taking care of people? And you should know it, you’ve been with him longer than I am. It’s almost impossible not to care about him once you’re attached.” Yifan admits, and Chanyeol feels a hard time refraining himself from nodding, because this is the first time someone actually understands how he felt when Junmyeon was staying with him. it was really impossible to not care about Junmyeon when it felt like he was going to die of loneliness when he was left alone.
“You’re so cool and kind. We thought you were just a-“
“Snobbish little bastard. Yeah, I’ve heard. You guys were even thinking of leaving me on the bench when you guys found me collapsing in the park near the library before my stomach made that hideous sound, you heartless men.” Yifan makes an upset face, as if he was betrayed of his friendship with them, and that makes Chanyeol laugh.
“Our first impressions weren’t so good about each other. But Junmyeon said you’re just a lonely, poor student like us, so we should take you in.”
“What am I, a pet?” Yifan asks while slapping Chanyeol’s shoulder, and that makes them both laugh a little louder. The young male bartender who is still sending heart eyes toward Yifan whenever he can jumps a little to their sudden outburst of laughter.
“Ah, but I guess I still feel a bit jealous seeing how close you guys are these days. Granted, it’s going to be quite hard to maintain this small troupe of ours after I’m hitched, but I feel like I’m giving away my daughter to a stranger, or something.” Chanyeol tells him, a bit tipsy from the beer now. Yifan laughs at the random metaphor, and his phone chimes again with another message from Junmyeon. This time he doesn’t pick it up immediately, but let the screen lights up for a while before it goes off on its own a few seconds later.
Chanyeol reads the summary this time, and he seems to be catching on a little bit there.
You should stop drinking right now
Yifan sighs, wipes his face (which has been quite flushed for a while now) apologetically with both hands and replies to the text without lifting it off from the bar.
Why?
Chimes. Another reply from Junmyeon.
Aren’t you driving me home?
And Yifan starts to laugh like a mad man again. He then picks the phone up and starts dialling.
“Hey! That doesn’t work! We’re living together, you silly!” he says, and there’s Junmyeon’s halted giggle from the other side.
Chanyeol laughs along, and feels a little saddened when he realises that Yifan and Junmyeon are now living in a world of their own.
*
Junmyeon arrives a little too late, because Yifan has now begin to sing a Chinese song, and Chanyeol is glad that he came here with a cab on the predicted outcome of him being drunk like this. His girlfriend had called him earlier, asking of his whereabouts and whether she should come and bring him home, to which he replied that it’s okay, he’ll just walk home to clear his head up.
“Sorry, my work got out of hand in the last minute. I’ll make it up to you next weekend, okay?” Junmyeon apologises as he hauls Yifan’s ass towards his car that is waiting outside, and huffs when Yifan finally leans against the car instead of his body.
“Nah, it’s okay. We’ve got plenty of times, and it’s kinda fun hanging out with just him for a while. I hate his cool façade, you know that right? Did you get his jacket?” Chanyeol asks, and Junmyeon slaps his forehead a little too loud.
“I forgot about it! Could you...?”
“Yeah sure. I’ll go get it for you,” he says, and walks back into the bar. By this time, it is almost empty, with only a couple of patrons still left talking and drinking and having their own definition of a good time. Just like what he did with Yifan earlier.
He’s been thinking about how amazing Yifan and Junmyeon’s friendship has developed in the few years they’ve been friends with each other, and how instead of feeling upset about it, he should just be happy that his best friend is now being taken care of by someone else. He can’t be doing it forever, no matter how he fancies Junmyeon’s accompaniment since they’re teenagers.
In his staggered steps, he spots Yifan’s jacket from earlier and goes to pick it up when the young bartender who was flirting with Yifan earlier stop him and hands him a napkin. There’s a scribble of some words on it, which Chanyeol thinks is a phone number.
Didn’t Yifan throw away the first one he gave him earlier?
“Uhh... can you give this to the friend who was with you? He kinda piqued at my interest...” he says with a blushing face which Chanyeol finds pretty endearing. Ah. Now he feels sorry for this kid.
“I will, I will... but... you know... my friend, he’s not gay.” He tells him bluntly, still putting the napkin inside his coat pocket, just in case. The bartender’s face falls, but then a sullen smile surfaces.
“Are you... are you sure? He looks like he’s not uncomfortable with men, though...” he pushes, and Chanyeol feels a little irritated now.
“Maybe that’s because he’s a normal guy who’re friends with gu-“
Your body is 75% water,
Chanyeol doesn’t care to finish his words before he storms out of the bar again with a glaring clarification. How did he miss this?
And I’m thirsty.
That’s the pick-up line he had used on his girlfriend, and she had giggled and told him that he’s silly. But her eyes were so happy when she told him that.
Of course, three years living together with no hiccups. Remembering Junmyeon’s favourite food. Knowing all those details that only Junmyeon and Chanyeol supposed to know.
“Why the joke doesn’t work because they’re living together?” Chanyeol asks himself as he reaches the top step of the stairs and exits the premise. Yifan is still standing with his back against the car, giggling and slurring in his speech that Chanyeol can’t make out what it’s about and Junmyeon...
Junmyeon is leaning into him with a smile.
It’s nothing new, really. They were also quite touchy-feely when they lived together. Junmyeon liked to touch him to the point that Chanyeol didn’t even care anymore. But seeing how Junmyeon is touching Yifan right now, with his marker-stained hands from the notes he wrote on the whiteboard for his exam candidate students, and the way those cold fingers dribble on Yifan’s lips, longing for those lips to touch him in other places - aren’t those touches a display of love?
Yifan is more than tipsy, alright. He would wake up in the morning feeling as if death is near, but Chanyeol is sure that the way he is holding Junmyeon by the waist is not something that he would do out of drunkenness. This is something that he had done before, and will do again in the future as if it is a habit he acquired over the years they’re together. The way he lowers his head and leaning into Junmyeon’s face, tilting his head a little in the process and connects their lips together with his hands now disappearing underneath Junmyeon’s jumper; Yifan would wake up in the morning feeling as if death is near, but he pretty damn sure Junmyeon would be next to him on the same bed, maybe naked and laughing at Yifan’s green face and intentionally yelling ‘I told you not to drink too much, you silly!’ and drags him to the bathroom for a good throw up.
“The joke doesn’t work, because they live together.” Chanyeol repeats the answer to himself with a deep sigh, and then a hearty laughter. He can see Junmyeon pushing Yifan away, and Yifan starts to act like the silly drunkard he is again. As he gets nearer, Chanyeol can even see they’re both blushing madly, and the fronts of their pants are both tighter than usual.
“I’ve got his jacket. Now let’s take this trashed bastard home,” Chanyeol says as he dumps Yifan in the backseat, and Yifan lets him. Junmyeon says thanks as he gets into the driver’s seat, but he refuses Chanyeol’s help to bring Yifan home.
“You said you’re walking home. You should go now, it’s gonna be too cold by midnight. Don’t get sick, you bastard,” Junmyeon urges him, and Chanyeol laughs again.
“Fine. Now start driving, and... drink him up, or whatever.” He teases, and Junmyeon turns redder than Chanyeol thought he could.
Junmyeon seems like he is going to say something, but Chanyeol dismisses him with a wave, so he stops himself and starts driving. Yifan is already snoring in the backseat, and Chanyeol wonders if he’s going to be awake enough to climb the stairs to their apartment later.
He puts his hands into his coat pocket, and is reminded of the napkin given by the cute bartender earlier.
“Sorry, man. He’s just not into you, I guess.”
End