(no subject)
These pills are great. They keep me focused, they keep me motivated, they keep me on top of things.
The downside is that although it's great that my emotions are in check, at times like this I know I'm numb. That if I weren't on them I would lose my shit and crumble. But I'm calm cool and collected. I like to think its because I'm being strong, but I know that my feelings are being blocked. I can feel my pulse race, because that's the natural reaction to a phone call like that. Fight or flight? I can't choose because I'm numb to it. I know it would feel good to let the dam go, but I can't. I'm incapable.
Fight or flight? If I could choose which would I pick? I'm too proud not to pick fight. But I'm too emotionally involved not to pick flight.
Yes, these pills do have their downside.
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