"I don't think it was virginity the sermon was so focused on rather than the emphasis of a relationship based on mutual respect/character vs a relationship based on sex."
"I also don't think love always has to be expressed physically anyway--they always say the most enduring marriages are the ones where a person has married their best friend, and you don't always have sex with your best friend."
"it also makes sense to place a value on sex, an act that is about as physically intimate as it can get. Why not make it the pinnacle of emotional intimacy as well, instead of something that's done routinely?"
It's these three quotes that worry me the most, actually. You've drawn these divisions in between concepts with words such as "vs", "don't", and "instead of".
I'm worried that you believe these mutual divisions exist... That sex in a relationship comes at a cost of respect. That close friendship precludes physical expression. That emotional intimacy implies scarcity.
These divisions, if you believe them, combined with a fear of making a mistake or being hurt will drive a wedge into any partnership that you may seek... Or that may be seeking you.
"And when I say "fling," I mean TEH SMEX (woohoo!)without having to learn names of course."
We'll go with that. Why does not having to learn names seem appealing in a sexual fling?
The fling thing without names is purely a reference to the cliche empty one-night standers depicted on TV...and usually done by characters who are pretty damaged to begin with. And it's tempting to get sex without consequences.
I think I make the division because I'm often not sure what a person wants from me. I've run into people whose one goal is to charm me into bed. I've run into people who don't, but never stuck around long enough to find out what they want in the end. And most of all, I don't know what I want out of a relationship since all I've done is date. So I'm defining things for myself, and the one thing I know for SURE is I don't want physical intimacy early in a relationship (as in on the first/second/tenth date). I'm also reminding myself what I want in a partner, and it's not always a hot bod (although very preferable) or the ability to make me laugh (also very preferable) It keeps me on my toes so I don't send out the wrong signals to the wrong people...like I keep doing...Know your boundaries and stick to them, one very wise person said.
"I also don't think love always has to be expressed physically anyway--they always say the most enduring marriages are the ones where a person has married their best friend, and you don't always have sex with your best friend."
"it also makes sense to place a value on sex, an act that is about as physically intimate as it can get. Why not make it the pinnacle of emotional intimacy as well, instead of something that's done routinely?"
It's these three quotes that worry me the most, actually. You've drawn these divisions in between concepts with words such as "vs", "don't", and "instead of".
I'm worried that you believe these mutual divisions exist... That sex in a relationship comes at a cost of respect. That close friendship precludes physical expression. That emotional intimacy implies scarcity.
These divisions, if you believe them, combined with a fear of making a mistake or being hurt will drive a wedge into any partnership that you may seek... Or that may be seeking you.
"And when I say "fling," I mean TEH SMEX (woohoo!)without having to learn names of course."
We'll go with that. Why does not having to learn names seem appealing in a sexual fling?
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I think I make the division because I'm often not sure what a person wants from me. I've run into people whose one goal is to charm me into bed. I've run into people who don't, but never stuck around long enough to find out what they want in the end. And most of all, I don't know what I want out of a relationship since all I've done is date. So I'm defining things for myself, and the one thing I know for SURE is I don't want physical intimacy early in a relationship (as in on the first/second/tenth date). I'm also reminding myself what I want in a partner, and it's not always a hot bod (although very preferable) or the ability to make me laugh (also very preferable) It keeps me on my toes so I don't send out the wrong signals to the wrong people...like I keep doing...Know your boundaries and stick to them, one very wise person said.
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