(no subject)
well woohoo to everything fucking blowing... i'm so glad that everything is going oh so very well. as if the shit that was going on with katie wasn't bad enough... i thought things would start getting better once me and jenna got together, but apperantly not, apperantly life is just there to fuck me over and bite me in the ass for the time being, and wow am i ever happy about that... things had been going so shitty for the past like four months, and then i "met" jenna, clearly i didn't meet her, but we were friends and then we decided that we would like to be more than friends, and things were going really good, and i was actually happy for the first time in a while... it was awesome.. i actually had a good reason to get up in the morning, i was kind of happy before, but that's just cuz i was going out and smoking all the time and i was stoned out of my mind half the time i was awake, so i really couldn't be having a bad time, but then when me and jenna got together and hung out i realized that i wasn't really happy at all, and i was just covering up something that was really bothering me, it's not the first time i've done it, so i caught on pretty quickly... but jenna was making me soo happy, and life was getting better for the most part, there were still things that sucked ass loads, but jenna was helping me forget about them, and she was making things better... maybe she was just another cover up too, but tonight when i dropped her off at kurts, the feeling i had when i left definitely told me that she wasn't just a cover up, she was definitely as far from a cover up as she could be... i don't even know what the whole point of this entry is, i don't really know what the point of anything is right now, everything blows and there's absolutely nothing i can do about it... normally things wouldn't be so bad... cuz we have like 5 shows coming up in the next month, we have an interview with some magazine, and actually we might have a 6th show at greenfields sometime soon... but i can hardly walk cuz of my fucking leg... so playing the drums is pretty much out of the question for a while yet, which is fucking everything up even more, like honestly i don't think anything else could possibly make this worse right now... i don't know what i'm supposed to do, i feel like there has to be something i can do to make all of this bullshit go away so i can go back to living a normal happy life, but nothing i do helps and everything i do makes things worse, and now i'm pulling people down with me, so jenna, since i know you're probly the only person that is going to read this i'm really sorry for everything that has happened and i wish there was something i could do to make it up to you... i already told you i will still be there for you no matter what you need and no matter when it is... i don't know if things are going to be awkward between us or anything, i hope not, cuz i don't know what i'm gonna do right now if i can't at least be friends with you and be normal about it, being friends but being really awkward around each other just isn't the same, and if we can't go out right now i want to at least be really good friends still, if you think things are going to get awkward or anything we need to talk about it and work things out so everything is cool...cuz this blows