And the number one reason to kill your best friend is....
"Carly, you know I would totally be more than happy to help you if I didn't think Sam Howell was really really really bad for you."Three reallys? How the hell am I supposed to turn around three reallys? For Daphne that's almost as serious as it gets. Its practically the way she would talk if she thought someone was going to embarrass her publically
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"Sure." I shrugged. I guess it's something to write down. Just because I like cameras doesn't mean I'll actually end up in photography, but whatever. It's all about the grade right now. Getting out of high school so I can do bigger and better things.
Or just better things. I can work with better things. I like this, though. I wonder if I can do both. Do this, and still do better things.
I'll wait until I'm a Senior to worry about that one.
"You shouldn't. You could do something cool with that."
"Maybe."
"I don't know yet."
Why doesn't she know? She can act, right? There's something. Plus she's smart, and smart people get a good ways. She can handle herself. I don't think she'll have a problem once she decides on something.
"I love being involved with the theater, but I don't think its a realistic goal."I frowned as I looked over at her. "Yeah, so? We're supposed to be realistic now?" Come on. I'm only realisitic when I have to be to keep from doing something stupid, and even then ( ... )
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He has a point. We're a little young to be making serious life decisions. All we have to do is put something down in our essays about our profession and how much our estimated income and expenses would be. If I don't end up doing what I put down, it won't be the end of the world. I doubt I'll even remember it.
Technically, I could lie and say I'm some sort of 1970's folk goddess and Carmichael couldn't touch me.
"Or ever? You don't do much if you're realisitic all the time."
You don't get very far without logic, either. Someday I'm going to need to find something to do that will allow me to be independent from my parents. I can't let them support me. I couldn't stand living like that. And being able to pay for my own life would require a good paying job. Or a poorly paying job and a nice little shack. But I can't not be realistic when I start getting out there and trying to establish myself ( ... )
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That's kind of a big statement, isn't it? We're a little young for that too. But I don't think I'm much better, I've thought a few things like that every once in a while. I stopped wanting to be worth something a while ago though. Not everyone can be worth something.
"I mean, I want to do something good with my life. I have more than I deserve, but eventually, I want to break away from it all and be my own person.""Y'know what I'd do?" Just a suggestion, 'cause I'll be doing this part no matter what. "Do the breaking away thing first. Then work on the other stuff." I don't know how I'm going to do it, but at graduation, I'm on my own, and that's it ( ... )
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I don't think I have a choice. I'd never be able to get away with any kind of good under my father's roof. Having that knowledge doesn't bother me in the least, oddly enough, but it does make what I'll have to do someday very clear.
First, I'll have to get my ass out of the house. Then, once I've established myself on my own, I can spread my wings a little and be my own person. It wouldn't happen if I stayed here. I'd be suffocated, the same way Grace was, and the same way my mom is starting to be all over again. And I know I can't live with that. Its not in me to obey people who I believe are wrong.
I wonder where I get that from. None of my older relatives are like me.
You'd think with the way I am, I should at least have a crazy Aunt who encourages me. Or a free-spirited Grandmother who had a thing with Elvis. Or both the crazy Aunt and the free-spirited Grandmother. Its just me. I'm kinda alone in this.
"Doing something good with your life ( ... )
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"Well it's something." I laughed. Yeah, maybe we're both still a little bad at this. She's still better than me at it, but I'll figure myself out or something. Soon. I sort of have to, y'know? And I think she'll do it.
"My nephew Danny is Arianna's age. He's wanted to be a lawyer since he was about five. And he's smart, so he could probably do it."
Since he was five? That's freakin' scary. I don't even remember what the hell I thought I was going to do with myself at five. All I remember is my mother being pregnant with Arianna, and thinking that whoever it was, I was going to have to help take care of them.
So yeah, knowing what you're going to do at five? Weird.
"They bought him a big set of encyclopedias for Christmas about two years ago and he reads them in his spare time. For fun."
And that's even weirder.
"He probably knows more about the world than the two of us put ( ... )
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"I know."
I've been told that again and again by Grace. She doesn't want me to be concerned about trying to compete with a ten year old's hopes and dreams. I think its silly that she thinks I would do that in the first place, but Danny's life goals are a little daunting. He's smart. I mean, not a child prodigy going to Julliard someday or anything, but he's the most intelligent in his class. He enjoys studying too. I think that's probably why it all comes together for him so easily. He actually likes the things that other children avoid at that age ( ... )
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Still. It bugs me she gets so upset about someone else knowing. I can figure why she wouldn't want to read around school, but in general? It's not bad. As long as she keeps it away from our Dad, she doesn't have to worry about them getting destroyed. So it bothers me a little.
"But she still shouldn't think there's anything wrong with doing it on her own."
"That's what I'm more worried about." I nodded, and sighed. Maybe she'll be okay. I'm alright with her being weird because I'm used to it, but there's the little things that get to me and make me think it's not going to be all that great.
"You should let me hang out with her more often. We got along pretty well.""The last time I talked to her, she said she wants to." I laughed. "She thinks you're pretty cool." And thensome. She latched right the hell on to the idea of Carly being this cool older girl kind of thing. And then when I told her that Carly's officially my girlfriend, it must've blown ( ... )
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"Can't do much else." I muttered, and shrugged, reaching up and rubbing the back of my neck absently. "I just try and do what I can." Who else'll do it for her?
"Really?"
"Yeah, really." I laughed. Of course Arianna likes her. She's older, and she put her brother in his place within freakin' seconds. That makes her cool in her book. Carly does much more, I'm sure Arianna will worship her and just try not to show it.
"How about Saturday? Maybe we could spend some time at the park."We're supposed to do something Saturday, but I'll make that work. Probably have to push back what the guys were planning for a few hours. It's not about Carly, it's about getting Arianna out of the house, and they'll respect that. They all know not to screw around with that one ( ... )
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"That's cool." I can have breakfast with Mom, do some school work, and probably get in some piano practice before then. I think the object of this weekend is to get done as many things as I possibly can so that I don't have very much to do next week. Less stuff means more Sam, and more Sam makes me happy, so that's what I'm going to go for.
"She'll like that.""I will too ( ... )
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Off track on the park thing or the...oh, okay. He's talking about the project. Whatever. We aren't supposed to be working on that together in the first place, we're allowed to take our time with it. There's no rush. Besides, I'll see him on Saturday. Maybe we could work on it for a little while after we hang out with Arianna, if not well before that. I don't think its bad for us to take a little time out of working it and spend it in ways we like better.
...Or maybe its just a way that I like better. He's enjoying this, right?
"Not that it bothers me any."Much better. And it shouldn't. I'm getting better at this all the time. The more practice we get in, the more comfortable I am with it. Its nice. I can't believe I went so long without having a Sam in my life ( ... )
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Whoa, hey. That's nice. I can do that? Or, well... She can do that? I have to stop questioning this, it's fun, so I shouldn't be thinking about it.
Okay, I can't think too much when she moves the wrong way, but I'm not going to say anything about that. I shifted under Carly to get comfortable and kissed back, moving my hands up to her hips.
After what had to be at least a minute, I thought I felt myself sliding, but I wasn't paying too much attention to it.
And then I was falling, and the next thing I know, my head's hitting the arm rest hard enough to actually hurt, and the way our mouths are hitting each other seriously isn't fun anymore.
Shit, I think I bit my tongue. That's blood.
"Shit. Sorry." I muttered, wincing as I let her up and checked to see if my tongue was bleeding.
That hurt.
"Are you okay?"
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Ow.
...I can't even tell what he did. Maybe it was the way I positioned us or something, but I know for a fact that it wasn't supposed to happen like that. Ive done similiar things before onstage, and it didn't end in being painful up there.
Then again, it didn't start out that nice, either.
Damnit, we started out decently enough. Something had to have been done wrong, and I want to know what it is. Girls sit on their boyfriends' laps all the time, so I don't think it was that. Maybe it was the way I was sitting, or the couch itself, or the way he was moving...I want to know what we did wrong.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah. Are you?"
He looks hurt. I think I hurt him. And what's bad and really stupid of me, is how I still kinda want to try it again. Fix our mistakes, get back on the horse, all that stuff.
...I don't think that's going to happen today.
I can't believe we did that!
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