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May 08, 2018 23:22

I'm writing this instead of writing my Delta LSA1 right now. I know I'm better than this. Just the weight of the task with the sludge that is work and I can barely bring myself to open the documents. Sure, I've got a basically working draft that needs mostly tightening, cleaning and fixing but god I'm really struggling to get through the procrastination. I've reached the point where I'm cleaning stuff but I'm not then sitting down to do work.

Organising the classes I need to do this LSA is being a pain too. It's gotten to the point I'm trawling job boards because I might have to jump ship in order to get through all the damn LSAs by the December submission which is a stress/distraction I don't really want but work is miserable and I've had semi-consistent headaches for weeks.

Work has not been good recently. I got back from Ireland, which I really enjoyed a lot more than I thought I would in the end, and I found out that not only am I not getting any form of transfer, they're rehired a native English teacher to be point person on the new branch, something I had thought I would be getting. The new guy (technically a rehire from a different branch) seems really nice but I'm really disappointed that I lost that. I don't think my manager necessarily had much say in the decision but it really hurts. And my manager hasn't exactly made me feel relaxed about getting all my LSAs done. Golden Week absolutely sucked as well, basically no-one came in and I couldn't get any peace to sneak LSA1 work in the office.

I went to KAT-TUN last month, but I ended up disappointed. I still like them, I think I'm growing beyond them though and recent moves in J&A haven't exactly given me confidence in the agency.

I need to have a cry about everything and kick my butt into gear but I've found that really hard recently. Even while I was in Ireland, I managed about two minutes of sobbing on the floor before I got up and slumped in front of the internet doing nothing useful again. I just don't know.
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