finding neverland
"Certain things they should stay the way they are. You ought to be able to stick them in one of those big glass cases and just leave them alone."
I feel so tired and sad right now. The concert made all the seniors' leaving seem so much more real to me, in a way that it hasn't been before. That was the last time we'll ever perform together, that was the one of the last times that we'll all be together. Last year it wasn't so bad, because we didn't know the seniors that well-but this time, it's so different; I almost started crying during "Bridge Over Troubled Water." I looked all around me and saw all these people I've grown so familiar with and used to having in my life, and realized that they're not going to be there anymore. After the concert, I just got this sudden urge to hug all of the seniors, even the ones I wasn't really friends with or had barely talked to. I don't want them to leave. And it just hit me that even those people I told I'd see tomorrow-someday there won't be a tomorrow. Someday too soon it'll be us going, and someday we'll all be gone.
I just want things to stay the way they are, right now. I don't want things to change. I don't want to grow up; I don't want to be on my own; I don't want to be an adult and grow old. In this moment, I am older than I ever have been before, and yet simultaneously I feel more and more like a child than I ever have, too. I just want to be taken care of; I don't want to be pushed out into the world. I just want to stay here.
I guess you could say that if there's one thing in the world I'm afraid of more than anything, it's growing up. But maybe the worst thing is knowing that I'm fighting a losing battle, and I'll never get what I want.
I feel so tired and sad right now. The concert made all the seniors' leaving seem so much more real to me, in a way that it hasn't been before. That was the last time we'll ever perform together, that was the one of the last times that we'll all be together. Last year it wasn't so bad, because we didn't know the seniors that well-but this time, it's so different; I almost started crying during "Bridge Over Troubled Water." I looked all around me and saw all these people I've grown so familiar with and used to having in my life, and realized that they're not going to be there anymore. After the concert, I just got this sudden urge to hug all of the seniors, even the ones I wasn't really friends with or had barely talked to. I don't want them to leave. And it just hit me that even those people I told I'd see tomorrow-someday there won't be a tomorrow. Someday too soon it'll be us going, and someday we'll all be gone.
I just want things to stay the way they are, right now. I don't want things to change. I don't want to grow up; I don't want to be on my own; I don't want to be an adult and grow old. In this moment, I am older than I ever have been before, and yet simultaneously I feel more and more like a child than I ever have, too. I just want to be taken care of; I don't want to be pushed out into the world. I just want to stay here.
I guess you could say that if there's one thing in the world I'm afraid of more than anything, it's growing up. But maybe the worst thing is knowing that I'm fighting a losing battle, and I'll never get what I want.