(no subject)
Lately, life has been full of ups and downs. If it's not one thing, it's definetly another.
Heather has done a fabulous job helping me with some of my inner strife. I feel bad sometimes for the amount of effort she puts forth to just make one day of mine comfortable. I have some real demons I have to work with. I couldn't ask for a better mentor, companion, girlfriend.
It use to feel as if my insides were spiraling out of control, being prodded a thousand times on it's descent.. and awaiting to hit the jagged rocks below. She has come along way to rid me of my insecurities. She actually shows me that I can trust her. She understands that I have baggage from my past relationship that I still carry. I wonder how she does it? I know that she has baggage too, but how does she just let it go, and why is it that I can't just trust and be content with the fact that I KNOW she wont hurt me.
Am I some sort of masochist? Do I need such things plaguing me? I like to think that I'm not.. and I dont.
Once again I say, I'm doing better. Much better. This post isn't about how I have felt recently, it's just what I have experienced in the past months. Recently I have been quite calm. A sort of inner peace, if you will.
I know Heather is right when she says I need to calm down. It's no fair to her when I feel like that, because it makes her feel as if she's doing an inadequite job of taking care of me. I make things bigger than what they really are sometimes. My small insecurities sometimes look at me, and want to be blown up into something bigger than what they need to be. I need to kill this ego, because it's not always about me. I dont want the attention on me.
She has made me see that there is nothing to be worried about. I love that feeling. Finally!! I'm getting it! I feel bad that it has taken this long, and she has spent her much needed energy on me.
The only thing that gets me sometimes is the question.. Why me? Why am I the one she's with? Of course, it's her choice.. and that makes me feel great. Dont get me wrong, I'm a very confident person.. but it's the times when I doubt myself is when it hits rock bottom. I then feel as if there are a ton of better guys she could be with, at any given moment.. this.. THIS is what gets me in trouble. Playing the 'What If' game. The game that she knows and I know that will never exist.
Anyway- in a nutshell... Thank you Heather. Thank you for comforting me and reassuring me that I have nothing to worry about with you. Thank you for helping me drop my baggage. I love you.
I wish I knew what to say to make it enough.
Heather has done a fabulous job helping me with some of my inner strife. I feel bad sometimes for the amount of effort she puts forth to just make one day of mine comfortable. I have some real demons I have to work with. I couldn't ask for a better mentor, companion, girlfriend.
It use to feel as if my insides were spiraling out of control, being prodded a thousand times on it's descent.. and awaiting to hit the jagged rocks below. She has come along way to rid me of my insecurities. She actually shows me that I can trust her. She understands that I have baggage from my past relationship that I still carry. I wonder how she does it? I know that she has baggage too, but how does she just let it go, and why is it that I can't just trust and be content with the fact that I KNOW she wont hurt me.
Am I some sort of masochist? Do I need such things plaguing me? I like to think that I'm not.. and I dont.
Once again I say, I'm doing better. Much better. This post isn't about how I have felt recently, it's just what I have experienced in the past months. Recently I have been quite calm. A sort of inner peace, if you will.
I know Heather is right when she says I need to calm down. It's no fair to her when I feel like that, because it makes her feel as if she's doing an inadequite job of taking care of me. I make things bigger than what they really are sometimes. My small insecurities sometimes look at me, and want to be blown up into something bigger than what they need to be. I need to kill this ego, because it's not always about me. I dont want the attention on me.
She has made me see that there is nothing to be worried about. I love that feeling. Finally!! I'm getting it! I feel bad that it has taken this long, and she has spent her much needed energy on me.
The only thing that gets me sometimes is the question.. Why me? Why am I the one she's with? Of course, it's her choice.. and that makes me feel great. Dont get me wrong, I'm a very confident person.. but it's the times when I doubt myself is when it hits rock bottom. I then feel as if there are a ton of better guys she could be with, at any given moment.. this.. THIS is what gets me in trouble. Playing the 'What If' game. The game that she knows and I know that will never exist.
Anyway- in a nutshell... Thank you Heather. Thank you for comforting me and reassuring me that I have nothing to worry about with you. Thank you for helping me drop my baggage. I love you.
I wish I knew what to say to make it enough.