(no subject)
talk about feeling like a square peg being forced in a round hole. i just dont know anymore, i dont feel like i have control of anything. some things are good, like being in a decent relationship for once, but everything else doesnt seem to fit. i have two constants that im always aware of: im too tired to work, and i have too much work to do. neither makes sense to me, as i sleep often enough, and get my work done. i dont know if this is just the final quarter blues or something, but i hope i get over it soon. i have a midterm, three projects, and a presentation this week, none of which i feel prepared for. and whats worse is it feels like all i ever do i play video games, even when im telling myself that my college career is on the line at the moment. academic probation and tuition exchange are mortal enemies, and i have to be the arbiter, but here i am grabbing some popcorn and watching the chaos. i dont understand myself at all.
these days i get one meal a day if im lucky. im losing weight, but not intentionally. im sick, im tired, im really messed up, and i have way too much on my shoulders. sometimes i really just want to take a break from the world; from the heavy workload, the apathy to work on anything, the quitting smoking, the friends who speak of suicide, the responsibility of anything. i just want to be back home, or maybe not even there. the space between rochester and syracuse is tiny, the distance so insignificant. im going to california this summer, maybe i should do something like that sooner rather than later. i just need something to remove myself from the area, to show myself that there really is more than shitty weather and shitty people out there.
i really dont have the words to explain how i feel these days. out of place is only the beginning of it all
these days i get one meal a day if im lucky. im losing weight, but not intentionally. im sick, im tired, im really messed up, and i have way too much on my shoulders. sometimes i really just want to take a break from the world; from the heavy workload, the apathy to work on anything, the quitting smoking, the friends who speak of suicide, the responsibility of anything. i just want to be back home, or maybe not even there. the space between rochester and syracuse is tiny, the distance so insignificant. im going to california this summer, maybe i should do something like that sooner rather than later. i just need something to remove myself from the area, to show myself that there really is more than shitty weather and shitty people out there.
i really dont have the words to explain how i feel these days. out of place is only the beginning of it all