(no subject)
bah
im feeling them late summer blues
im hesitant to want to leave for school. i know ill be leaving everyone behind, thought almost everybody is leaving themselves so it cant be helped. i just cant help this nagging feeling of impending loneliness. and the fact that a lot of shit has fallen through doesnt help. i wish that by now i had my license, so i could just bail on home a few times before i leave completely. i wish i had the available cash to actually get my tattoo. i wish people were around the weekend before i leave so i could have em up to my camp. i wish a lot of things, but i know they cant happen.
there isnt really a plus side to all of this. having a chill roommate thats a lot like me helps, but i have to give up the one thing i started to possibly help me get through being a first semester art student to keep him around. i got a new skateboard, but it cost me, and my dad sees it as contemptable.
im extremely excited for school, dont get me wrong. i love meeting new people, im gonna love leaving the bullshit behind, and fuck im gonna love it at rit. its just that everything else right now is clouding my excitement. ive fallen into this hole that sees me going to bed early, waking up exhausted, dragging my feet through the day at work, going home to play Counter Strike for a few hours, taking a break to crawl out my basement window to bust a cig, crawling back in to light some incense to cover it up, and playing until 11 so i can start it all again.
my weekends have turned to mush since my last attempted party; all i do is sit at home or sit at camp, doing not much of anything. my parents think im on drugs because i have no money to show for working all summer, they heard me sneaking out last sunday to go hookah with katie, and my cousin ethan has apparently been smoking pot, sneaking out at midnight to go buy it. im getting a lot of heat at home anyway for having crazy friends like adam who do fun things with cars, for not being able to find one fucking paycheck, for not being 100% ready to leave for school two weeks before i go, for being my normal self all the time.
like i said, bullshit to leave behind.
my ipod is now my best friend, in conjunction with my headset for my computer, the only tie to friends i have solely over a wired connection that feel more real than the friends i see every day. i feel like shit almost every day, and i cant explain why.
fuck this fucking town
im feeling them late summer blues
im hesitant to want to leave for school. i know ill be leaving everyone behind, thought almost everybody is leaving themselves so it cant be helped. i just cant help this nagging feeling of impending loneliness. and the fact that a lot of shit has fallen through doesnt help. i wish that by now i had my license, so i could just bail on home a few times before i leave completely. i wish i had the available cash to actually get my tattoo. i wish people were around the weekend before i leave so i could have em up to my camp. i wish a lot of things, but i know they cant happen.
there isnt really a plus side to all of this. having a chill roommate thats a lot like me helps, but i have to give up the one thing i started to possibly help me get through being a first semester art student to keep him around. i got a new skateboard, but it cost me, and my dad sees it as contemptable.
im extremely excited for school, dont get me wrong. i love meeting new people, im gonna love leaving the bullshit behind, and fuck im gonna love it at rit. its just that everything else right now is clouding my excitement. ive fallen into this hole that sees me going to bed early, waking up exhausted, dragging my feet through the day at work, going home to play Counter Strike for a few hours, taking a break to crawl out my basement window to bust a cig, crawling back in to light some incense to cover it up, and playing until 11 so i can start it all again.
my weekends have turned to mush since my last attempted party; all i do is sit at home or sit at camp, doing not much of anything. my parents think im on drugs because i have no money to show for working all summer, they heard me sneaking out last sunday to go hookah with katie, and my cousin ethan has apparently been smoking pot, sneaking out at midnight to go buy it. im getting a lot of heat at home anyway for having crazy friends like adam who do fun things with cars, for not being able to find one fucking paycheck, for not being 100% ready to leave for school two weeks before i go, for being my normal self all the time.
like i said, bullshit to leave behind.
my ipod is now my best friend, in conjunction with my headset for my computer, the only tie to friends i have solely over a wired connection that feel more real than the friends i see every day. i feel like shit almost every day, and i cant explain why.
fuck this fucking town