My semi-perfect graduation
Today I had graduation!! :D
All in all, I feel great about that. During the last weeks, I couldn't really believe that my school time has come to an end. But today, after all the ceremonies and the ball are over, I don't just know it, but I feel it too, if you know what I mean. I feel like a part of my life has come to an end, like something new starts now.
[Some photos :3]
My outfit for the Me in my ball dress :) What you can't see is that I'm also wearing
day. I look like a green eyeliner (my eyes are green as well, btw :D), red
secretary :D lipstick and little strass-hair-pins, as well as matching strass-stud-earrings.
The ball begins! A few hours later... ^^
[Big emotional chaos alert!]
The first part of the graduation ceremony took place in our school, and that was really fun. We got our leaving certificates, some of us played instruments, we had champagne and so on. All in all, it was great entertainment.
But in the evening, the ball ignited mixed feelings inside me. In the beginning, I was all excited and happy. My best friend and I even let a photograph take a picture of us (I look like a retard in that photo, as always xD) because the funny thing is that we were already best friends in first grade and still have a picture of our first school day together, too! So we kind of started together and finished together :)
For the first dance, we should dance with our parents, so I danced with my father. He can't dance at all, but I showed it to him and somehow, we managed it ;D Of course, we both didn't really want to dance the next dance together, although I had just gotten into the mood of dancing again and didn't really want to stop. Well, eventually I had to, because my father can only dance slow waltz, but no disco fox.
You know, I love dancing, but only together - I'm too shy to dance alone, it always makes me feel stupid and self-conscious. But I didn't want to dance with a girl either (there were plenty of girls who danced together because most of the boys didn't want to and fleed to the bar). I wanted to dance with a young man, a young man who could dance more than just the standard moves (because that gets quickly boring), I wanted to feel a male body, be held and guided by strong arms, get totally lost in the moment. But no, that was not happening today. So while the beat of the music pounded in my ears with the call of the dancefloor, all I could do was watch the others dance. Their moving bodies mixed with the flickering lights to an irresistible, magnetizing show that I wanted to join so, so much. And I stared at the lucky dancers with so much longing that it hurt.
I was surprised when I felt tears welling up in my eyes. But then again, maybe I shouldn't be surprised. I mean, it had been a really stressful day with lots of emotions, and my beloved little sister wasn't even there to celebrate with me because she is in England right now, and having to stand there with nothing to do but watching the dancers and not being able to join them became pure torture after a few hours. Besides, I'm a terribly emotional fool after all, I always have been and always will be.
I think what I really felt tonight was loneliness. Despite being surrounded by all those people... I felt lonely. I want a dance partner! Or a boyfriend! A boyfriend that can dance, of course. It feels crappy to be left out of all the fun. Of course I could have danced alone, many people were doing that, but as I said, that's not really my thing - and dancing as a couple is much more fun, anyways.
Tomorrow, I will probably feel ashamed that I ever wrote all this crap, but these are my true feelings, nothing to be ashamed of, and I feel like I should write them down NOW while everything is still fresh in my mind and heart.
Well, so this was my graduation. With a kind of crappy ending to an otherwise quite wonderful day that could have been perfect. I wish it would have been perfect because this day will never come back. But at least I've learned one thing now: I'll never, ever go to a ball again without a skilled dancing partner!!!!