I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE.
i cant fucking take it anymore. im ready to explode. i just need to go. i dont know where i i just need to go. ive been trying to sleep since 9. and it isnt workin to well. i wish i could just punch someone in the nose. im so tired of all this crap. i look forward to one thing all week and have had this planned out for like the past three weeks. and of course it all goes to hell. im so tired of keeping everything inside. but i cant go tell anyone what im feeling because if i do they either get upset or mad or something. so its like im supposed to say what im feeling and thinking but when i do i shouldnt do it. i just want everything to be ok. not all this crap that i call life. im tired of it. i want to jump off a building or something. this past two weeks everynight before i go to bed i just think about how i want to get drunk or high. i havent though anything like that in along time. i hate stress. things are supposed to get easier now. well they sure arent. its so tempting to go get a beer or go pick up a pipe. i havent gaven in yet. but its hard. i wish everything could be good again. everybody stop saying your sorry. i cant handle anymore sorries from anyone. they dont do anything. my family my friends it seems like all i ever hear from anyone is sorry anymore. if you are sorry then you shouldnt have done it in the first place. so stop with the i feel so bad or im sorry. what you should do is talk to me about why whatever happened happened. ive been trying to be nice to everyone lately. i cant do it much longer. im tired of all the drama. i want to take a clock and turn in back to this summer. things were great then. its amazaing how much can happen in just a few short months. in a span from august to now. i have had knee surgury. my grandma has had a stroke. my girlfriend and i broke up. i didnt make the basketball team. i started doing karate. ive gotten even worse with my mom. these last months have sucked. i want things to get nice again. i dont know what it is about me but obviously something isnt right with me or all this crap wouldnt be going on. the problem is i dont know what i have to change about myself. but something has to change. otherwise my life will continue being hell. but thats all for now about the no fun depressing stuff. on the good side tommorow i will get to go hang out with mandie which is always great. and last saturday was one of the best days ive had in awhile. i have a basketball game for that league thingy tommorow night but im not sure if im going to go. and now im outta here. i just had to type all that down.