What the FUCK am I doing....

[awesomenscrewed]

I smoked at school again today... not really sure why.. But talk about picking the absolutely wrong day to do it .. I was in 6th period blowed as hell I was absent the day before and we had a test to do that period ... I was so blowed I forgot that I didn't have to take it cause I didn't get the work sheet for it the day before in the middle of it my teacher said "umm you know you don't have to take that right" I froze .. he then asked me if I was feeling ok .. I just shook my head... So the next period I had a note waiting for me that said I need to go to the office I FREAKED.. I thought for sure my teacher ratted me out so anyways It turned out to just be my counselor needed to talk about my classes for next year that sucked then I got a 57 on my 9 weeks test 8th period ... WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING TO MYSELF.. I totally fucked up today.. I am so stupid... WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF...

NO SELF RESPECT... I have come to the harsh realization that I have 0 self respect... thats all gunna change!!!!!

I always wonder why I have no motivation and why things in my life are so disorganized and why I just flat out don't give a shit about my grades, my room, my clothes, what I look like its all shitty so I have a new plan!!!

::MY NEW PLAN::
1) Go to tutorials AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE get my grades back on track...
2) Get back on my diet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3) Get my school work organized (AND KEEP IT ORGANIZED)
4) Get my room organized
5) go tanning
6) get eyebrows waxed every week
7) GET NEW CLOTHES!!!
8) Worry about myself more
9) Be as outgoing as I used to be
10) LEARN TO LOVE MYSELF

Everything in that list is shit I NEVER do... I realized at school today ... somewhere in last year I stopped caring.. I mean I really gave up on life.. I don't want to give up on me.. Its gunna be hard but I want out of this hole!!!!

I"M GETTING OUT...

I'll keep you posted on my progress!!!!