The destruction of me... and a solid plan.
I haven't been able to get the images out of my head and I haven't been able to stop crying. I don't know how I am still alive... I had about 30 shots and then some (vodka and beam, straight... some in my apartment some...over a friend's house) in the span of about 2 hours on an empty stomach and a little cocktail of sleeping pills, pain killers and muscle relaxants... the aim with the pills wasn't to kill myself... well not entirely... I just don't want to feel anymore
I passed out on my bed 6am and woke up three hours later feeling completely normal... physically feeling great, not even the slightest bit hung over and the only pain I felt was THE GIANT GAPING HOLE IN MY CHEST FROM MY HEART BEING RIPPED OUT AND TORN APART BY A GOD DAMN MOTHERFUCKING VELOCIRAPTOR.
The next time I do this I'm just going to get a giant ass bottle of Skyy or something else cheap and down it all with no breaks in between shots/chugging then stumble up to the highest point of the Samoa bridge at like 3am... The bridge itself isn't high enough to kill me, I would just break some bones... but who says I have to hit the ground? I could just take some strong rope, about 15 feet or so and tie one end securely to the bridge and the other into a nice noose around my neck and just throw myself off. Instant, delicious neck snappage. The plan is flawless. If alcohol poisoning doesn't kill me then this will. At least I have a solid plan and can't be saved in the last minute. I don't know when this might occur but I'll be successful as long as I don't make any drunk text/calls/IMs/messages... rambling about irrelevant things like the health problems associated with consuming MSG in one's food to video games to what kinds of metal I like.
At least I'll go out doing something I really enjoy... drinking... possibly the last little joy I have left.
CANT FEEL IF I'M DEAD!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!
I passed out on my bed 6am and woke up three hours later feeling completely normal... physically feeling great, not even the slightest bit hung over and the only pain I felt was THE GIANT GAPING HOLE IN MY CHEST FROM MY HEART BEING RIPPED OUT AND TORN APART BY A GOD DAMN MOTHERFUCKING VELOCIRAPTOR.
The next time I do this I'm just going to get a giant ass bottle of Skyy or something else cheap and down it all with no breaks in between shots/chugging then stumble up to the highest point of the Samoa bridge at like 3am... The bridge itself isn't high enough to kill me, I would just break some bones... but who says I have to hit the ground? I could just take some strong rope, about 15 feet or so and tie one end securely to the bridge and the other into a nice noose around my neck and just throw myself off. Instant, delicious neck snappage. The plan is flawless. If alcohol poisoning doesn't kill me then this will. At least I have a solid plan and can't be saved in the last minute. I don't know when this might occur but I'll be successful as long as I don't make any drunk text/calls/IMs/messages... rambling about irrelevant things like the health problems associated with consuming MSG in one's food to video games to what kinds of metal I like.
At least I'll go out doing something I really enjoy... drinking... possibly the last little joy I have left.
CANT FEEL IF I'M DEAD!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!