I have a little problem....
Well, 7 dates completed. Yowza! Friday we went to see the Rolling Stones flick "Shine a Light." My mind is blanking on what we did the date before. Regardless, they both went fine, and this Tuesday, we might catch a baseball game.
But you see, I discovered I have a little problem.....I shared it with my friend Emily yesterday. Side conversations have been cut to spare you. And personal details about my friend have also been removed.
me: lol
men....
9:36 AM ive discovered a man problem
and its my fault
Emily: uh-oh.
with the israeli?
me: yes
me: he totally likes me
and I like him too. a lot
Emily: that's a good start
me: the problem is that I am totally shutting him out!
and im not doing it on purpose
Emily: well. THAT's a problem.
9:48 AM me: its like an unconscious reaction to all my previous experiences
Emily: oh no!
me: yeah
because i totally like him
and i think about him when im not with him
and I want to see him more than just once a week
and blah di blah
but as soon as I get near him, i freeze uip
9:49 AM Emily: yeah, that does not sound good..... *sigh*... but what can you do?
if you're aware of it, and still can't do anything about it
me: I do it for many reasons. I start worrying about what i look like and worry that I'll lose another guy to the whole attraction thing
9:50 AM and he'll comment sometimes that I seem far away or distracted
Emily: awww...
:(
me: the fact that he notices it is there the trouble lies
Emily: have you told him your... "doubts"?
me: because it means Im not hiding the insecurities well
9:51 AM thats the thing, im totally afraid to have a serious conversation with him
Emily: maybe you should just talk to him
why?
me: for fear I will say something whack
and I dont know why I have that fear
Emily: well, you probably will. and if he really likes you, it won't matter...
me: he asked me a question yesterday
and I just laughed and didnt answer
Emily: what did he ask?
me: and he said, "you cant just mask it with laughter"
and im like poop, he noticed
9:52 AM Emily: what did he ask you?
***deleted - sorry! to personal to post publicly***
9:53 AM Emily: you should just TALK to him!!!
awww, it sounds like he's just really important to you - for REAL
me:
the problem is, im pretty sure now that he'll stick around
unless i fuck things up by remaining closed off
Emily: you really just have to talk to him.
TALK to him!!!
me: i know
9:55 AM Emily: awww, this is distressing. distressing.
me: because its totally not what i want. I totally want to be all super affectionate and baby baby blah blah blah poopity poop
ive been wanting that
that affectionate relationship
the guy thats really into me that im actually really into
9:56 AM but ive just been burned so many times that its like a reflex. and its just fucked up that he sees it, so im trying to be more open
he mentioned that I look him straight in the eye a lot more
so I said, yes, I know, im getting more comfortable
so im working on it...but theres still a long way to go
Emily:
start now. start small. and tell him that it's going to be awhile, but that you're going to try.
me: its weird. like we'll be in the car and he'll point out that i seem far away. and I'll tell myself "ok, stop it!" but then i dont
haha but part of the car problem is i hate the way he drives
9:58 AM Emily: well.. tell him that!
me: haha, so in that situation I was probably envisioning myself at home
lol
Emily: ha
me: someone stole his GPS
me: so he uses his iphone as GPS, and a music player,, which is totally not safe
cause he's always doing something with it
and im like dude, put that shit down
9:59 AM
Emily: well, that's obviously not the root of the problem....
me: and on the streets, he drives (compared to me) slow. im thinking i my head, speed the fuck up already
but thats my issue - because in his world, he's just enjoying the journey
which is something i need to work on
Emily: haha...
me: all this car stuff is just a side story
10:00 AM but seriously, we drove through silverlake yesterday....cars were going into the bike lane to pass him
Emily: yeah, but you can tell him that too. it sounds like this guy is going to stick around, if you can just open up to him
me: but he was the happiest dude because he said every time he's with me, he discovers some new part of LA...so he's taking it all in, looking around, enjoying the scenery
and im like DRIVE BITCH
in my head
haha
Emily: and maybe telling him things like "BIKES are going to start passing us" will be a small step towards telling him other stuff
10:01 AM me: lol
thatd be funny
Emily: aww. well he sounds like a nice guy.
i would like to meet him sometime!
me: if he gets caught up on his writing today, i might see him tomorrow. and we might have a baseball game on tuesday
so Im trying to get better'
and sometimes he talks in the long term
which is a good sign
10:02 AM not the marriage long term
Emily: yeah that is nice!
me: but he mentioned something about his birthday - which is in september
Emily: awwww
me: so its a nice change
even if we dont last until september
its nice to be with someone who isnt just playing around
Emily: yeah! it sounds like he's got a lot of good points
10:03 AM me: yeah
10:04 AM Emily: it's just scary, starting out and looking into the future, when you haven't had many good experiences in the past
me: yeah, last time I had a boyfriend I trusted, he broke up with me out of nowhere because *********
Emily: who was that? *******?
me: yeah
*******
blindsided
completely
Emily: yeah, i don't understand how that can happen either - how, without any serious "problems" in the relationship.... how someone can just *******
wtf? it makes no sense to me
me: so yesterday I woke up late. didnt have time to wash my face or do anything. I figured I should at least hop in the shower and shave. my hair wasnt done for the first time and I thought, oh shit, if the israeli and i really do get together today, this is going to be whack. i feel kind of manly when my hair is in a ponytail
so i washed my face at work
took some gum from my co-worker
and hoped for the best
10:08 AM and he totally complimented my dress right off the bat
and later told me i was really beautiful
oh, and that he wants to see me more often
and Im still freaked out!
Emily: awwww.. that's nice!
me: I know
i blame ********
just kidding
10:09 AM Emily: haha... i can't say i blame you for any of this. it makes perfect sense, being insecure for that reason. because, seriously....
hopefully he can make you feel comfortable. and you can stop thinking about *******.
me: the thing with ******* really hurt.
10:10 AM and it isnt just ******* I think about
i dont think about anyone in particular
its just sort of a general thing
like in december/january
i went on 4 dates with this guy. things were going well, we got along great and then out of nowhere, he disappears into thin air
10:11 AM we both talked about ******
thats a serious topic
Emily: uhh.. yeah, i would think that's a serious topic
me: so i *******
and then - nothing
poof
i was like - hey dude, you out there?
me: and he was, but yada yada....just up and decided to walk away from everything without a word I suppose
so its stuff like that
10:12 AM that makes me go, even after the great date we just had, he might just walk away
Emily: yeah... it doesn't take much for guys to just lose interest. or, i think more than anything, patience!!!
but it sounds like your israeli is a little bit more serious then the dec/jan guy
me: yeah
Emily: you just have to take him at his word... and talk to him
me: which is why im trying to open up more
because im finally being given what ive been wanting. how great is that?
Emily: don't let your inner cynic get the best of you!
10:13 AM me: im working on it!
And then we went on and talked about other things. And so, it would be really unfortunate if I messed things up, so I am *trying* to work on this - it's just tough because I'm totally not doing it intentionally. Friday I literally am walking over to meet him, looking forward to seeing him and then as soon as we're in view of each other, it's like CLICK, shut down! I mean, I'm not an ice queen, but I don't totally relax either. So....I hope we get together on Tuesday so I have a chance to improve without stewing over this for a whole week.
But you see, I discovered I have a little problem.....I shared it with my friend Emily yesterday. Side conversations have been cut to spare you. And personal details about my friend have also been removed.
me: lol
men....
9:36 AM ive discovered a man problem
and its my fault
Emily: uh-oh.
with the israeli?
me: yes
me: he totally likes me
and I like him too. a lot
Emily: that's a good start
me: the problem is that I am totally shutting him out!
and im not doing it on purpose
Emily: well. THAT's a problem.
9:48 AM me: its like an unconscious reaction to all my previous experiences
Emily: oh no!
me: yeah
because i totally like him
and i think about him when im not with him
and I want to see him more than just once a week
and blah di blah
but as soon as I get near him, i freeze uip
9:49 AM Emily: yeah, that does not sound good..... *sigh*... but what can you do?
if you're aware of it, and still can't do anything about it
me: I do it for many reasons. I start worrying about what i look like and worry that I'll lose another guy to the whole attraction thing
9:50 AM and he'll comment sometimes that I seem far away or distracted
Emily: awww...
:(
me: the fact that he notices it is there the trouble lies
Emily: have you told him your... "doubts"?
me: because it means Im not hiding the insecurities well
9:51 AM thats the thing, im totally afraid to have a serious conversation with him
Emily: maybe you should just talk to him
why?
me: for fear I will say something whack
and I dont know why I have that fear
Emily: well, you probably will. and if he really likes you, it won't matter...
me: he asked me a question yesterday
and I just laughed and didnt answer
Emily: what did he ask?
me: and he said, "you cant just mask it with laughter"
and im like poop, he noticed
9:52 AM Emily: what did he ask you?
***deleted - sorry! to personal to post publicly***
9:53 AM Emily: you should just TALK to him!!!
awww, it sounds like he's just really important to you - for REAL
me:
the problem is, im pretty sure now that he'll stick around
unless i fuck things up by remaining closed off
Emily: you really just have to talk to him.
TALK to him!!!
me: i know
9:55 AM Emily: awww, this is distressing. distressing.
me: because its totally not what i want. I totally want to be all super affectionate and baby baby blah blah blah poopity poop
ive been wanting that
that affectionate relationship
the guy thats really into me that im actually really into
9:56 AM but ive just been burned so many times that its like a reflex. and its just fucked up that he sees it, so im trying to be more open
he mentioned that I look him straight in the eye a lot more
so I said, yes, I know, im getting more comfortable
so im working on it...but theres still a long way to go
Emily:
start now. start small. and tell him that it's going to be awhile, but that you're going to try.
me: its weird. like we'll be in the car and he'll point out that i seem far away. and I'll tell myself "ok, stop it!" but then i dont
haha but part of the car problem is i hate the way he drives
9:58 AM Emily: well.. tell him that!
me: haha, so in that situation I was probably envisioning myself at home
lol
Emily: ha
me: someone stole his GPS
me: so he uses his iphone as GPS, and a music player,, which is totally not safe
cause he's always doing something with it
and im like dude, put that shit down
9:59 AM
Emily: well, that's obviously not the root of the problem....
me: and on the streets, he drives (compared to me) slow. im thinking i my head, speed the fuck up already
but thats my issue - because in his world, he's just enjoying the journey
which is something i need to work on
Emily: haha...
me: all this car stuff is just a side story
10:00 AM but seriously, we drove through silverlake yesterday....cars were going into the bike lane to pass him
Emily: yeah, but you can tell him that too. it sounds like this guy is going to stick around, if you can just open up to him
me: but he was the happiest dude because he said every time he's with me, he discovers some new part of LA...so he's taking it all in, looking around, enjoying the scenery
and im like DRIVE BITCH
in my head
haha
Emily: and maybe telling him things like "BIKES are going to start passing us" will be a small step towards telling him other stuff
10:01 AM me: lol
thatd be funny
Emily: aww. well he sounds like a nice guy.
i would like to meet him sometime!
me: if he gets caught up on his writing today, i might see him tomorrow. and we might have a baseball game on tuesday
so Im trying to get better'
and sometimes he talks in the long term
which is a good sign
10:02 AM not the marriage long term
Emily: yeah that is nice!
me: but he mentioned something about his birthday - which is in september
Emily: awwww
me: so its a nice change
even if we dont last until september
its nice to be with someone who isnt just playing around
Emily: yeah! it sounds like he's got a lot of good points
10:03 AM me: yeah
10:04 AM Emily: it's just scary, starting out and looking into the future, when you haven't had many good experiences in the past
me: yeah, last time I had a boyfriend I trusted, he broke up with me out of nowhere because *********
Emily: who was that? *******?
me: yeah
*******
blindsided
completely
Emily: yeah, i don't understand how that can happen either - how, without any serious "problems" in the relationship.... how someone can just *******
wtf? it makes no sense to me
me: so yesterday I woke up late. didnt have time to wash my face or do anything. I figured I should at least hop in the shower and shave. my hair wasnt done for the first time and I thought, oh shit, if the israeli and i really do get together today, this is going to be whack. i feel kind of manly when my hair is in a ponytail
so i washed my face at work
took some gum from my co-worker
and hoped for the best
10:08 AM and he totally complimented my dress right off the bat
and later told me i was really beautiful
oh, and that he wants to see me more often
and Im still freaked out!
Emily: awwww.. that's nice!
me: I know
i blame ********
just kidding
10:09 AM Emily: haha... i can't say i blame you for any of this. it makes perfect sense, being insecure for that reason. because, seriously....
hopefully he can make you feel comfortable. and you can stop thinking about *******.
me: the thing with ******* really hurt.
10:10 AM and it isnt just ******* I think about
i dont think about anyone in particular
its just sort of a general thing
like in december/january
i went on 4 dates with this guy. things were going well, we got along great and then out of nowhere, he disappears into thin air
10:11 AM we both talked about ******
thats a serious topic
Emily: uhh.. yeah, i would think that's a serious topic
me: so i *******
and then - nothing
poof
i was like - hey dude, you out there?
me: and he was, but yada yada....just up and decided to walk away from everything without a word I suppose
so its stuff like that
10:12 AM that makes me go, even after the great date we just had, he might just walk away
Emily: yeah... it doesn't take much for guys to just lose interest. or, i think more than anything, patience!!!
but it sounds like your israeli is a little bit more serious then the dec/jan guy
me: yeah
Emily: you just have to take him at his word... and talk to him
me: which is why im trying to open up more
because im finally being given what ive been wanting. how great is that?
Emily: don't let your inner cynic get the best of you!
10:13 AM me: im working on it!
And then we went on and talked about other things. And so, it would be really unfortunate if I messed things up, so I am *trying* to work on this - it's just tough because I'm totally not doing it intentionally. Friday I literally am walking over to meet him, looking forward to seeing him and then as soon as we're in view of each other, it's like CLICK, shut down! I mean, I'm not an ice queen, but I don't totally relax either. So....I hope we get together on Tuesday so I have a chance to improve without stewing over this for a whole week.