(no subject)

[awayfromthesun1]

I don't know what the hell is wrong with me lately.  I feel completly helpless, with a job with internships with life.  I don't feel like I can handle things anymore.  I'm mad i've turned into a needy clingy unbearable girl.  I never wanted to be like those girls, the ones who need to be around their boyfriends all the time, they are so annoying and yet I can;t help missing him and wanting to be near him, and being angry that we are always so far away from each other.  I'm hating myself and I dont want to lose the best thing in my life by being this annoying girl.  I am so stressed, my mind is on everything at once and I just keep having overwhelming waves of sadness wash over me all the time.  I was randomly just crying when I was home.  It's not just being far away and all, though I have to addmit thats kind of a sizable chunk.  But it's all this growing up type of stuff.  I'm so unbelievaly worried about the future.  Everyone seems to have something set for the summer and know what they are going to be doing.  I hate not knowing, it makes me sit around and think what if too much.  I can't focus on anything when I'm thinking what if all the time.  I really want to run home again this weekend.  My friends are all going to go to the bar and ill sit in my room in my pjs and be sad all night.  I'll call people who are having good times and cry on the phone to them and ruin there night.  The only thing keeping me here is money.  I am so nervous about using up all the money that I have left that I can't go home because of the gas money.  I really hope a job comes through soon, blah and I figure out this internship crisis which i feel has been made more confusing by my latest meeting.  I really just want to sit in my bed all day until these things are magically figured out.  I've been sleeping like crazy...probably an escape from real life.  Blah ok sorry for depressing anyone reading this but I needed some place to get everything out of my head, maybe that will help a little, though theres still more in there....o well another day for another depressing entry.

Love Always, 
Lauren