Update
Ok. I'm moved into my house. The only thing I'm waiting on for everything to feel complete is my new couch and chaise lounge. The blinds I ordered are getting cut and installed soon. The strange thing is that for the first time in several years my life is quiet...So what do I go and do? I create an anxiety disorder for myself. My doctor doesn't think that I have a degenerative sense of panic disorder. She thinks that I am experiencing the least amount of stress now than I have in a long time and that my panic attacks are a manifestation of everything over the past years that I haven't given myself a chance to deal with. There is no more sick mother, only the grief to manage. There are no more co-dependent relationships, only me forgiving myself for spending so much time in unhealthy situations. No more worrying about where I'm going to live, only how it is I want to decorate my new house. No more hung over mornings - I don't really drink any more. No more switching between pairs of jeans due to weight fluctuations - I go running now and it keeps me consistent. The biggest concern in my life right now is my back pain, so I'm getting an MRI on Friday. I've never understood how to just sit back and enjoy life when things are going this well. The last time I felt like this I was in college and I had studying to obsess over, so the stress level was there but just in a different way...now things are quiet...I'm taking some biotech classes so that I can stay up to date with current laboratory procedure. It doesn't feel as stressful as when I was a full time student.
Turns out that buying a house isn't as big of a deal as it seemed. I looked at it, made an offer, and one day it was just there waiting for me to use my key for the first time. Now I'm in it and it suits me perfectly. It's practical, it's not overly impressive or flashy. I didn't want to be house poor. The floor plan is lovely. I love having a loft bedroom and an open great room with vaulted ceilings. I've finally gotten to paint a red wall. I never thought that I'd be this enthusiastic about living alone, but I feel more independent now than I have in my young adulthood and it's wonderful. So that's where I am. After all that that I thought was such a big deal before, here's where I am.
Turns out that buying a house isn't as big of a deal as it seemed. I looked at it, made an offer, and one day it was just there waiting for me to use my key for the first time. Now I'm in it and it suits me perfectly. It's practical, it's not overly impressive or flashy. I didn't want to be house poor. The floor plan is lovely. I love having a loft bedroom and an open great room with vaulted ceilings. I've finally gotten to paint a red wall. I never thought that I'd be this enthusiastic about living alone, but I feel more independent now than I have in my young adulthood and it's wonderful. So that's where I am. After all that that I thought was such a big deal before, here's where I am.