(no subject)
the one that almost got a pornographic title ( despite the fact that it contains no porn ) :: Director’s Commentary
Panic! At The Disco; Brendon Urie/Ryan Ross, Jon walker/Ryan Ross
R;
For starters: the novel description that this was written from was not my first novel description. The first one I got was
It was every mother's worst nightmare. Annie's son had been swapped at birth! But it got worse: her charismatic ex-boss, Brant Cadman, was raising her real son-and she his! Brant made Annie an irresistible proposition-marry him. Annie knew both their sons needed their mom and dad. Plus, she couldn't deny the intense physical attraction between them…
And it sucked. You can see right there that it totally sucks. And then I started finding out that other people had HOOKERS and MAIL ORDER BRIDES and all kinds of good shit like that, and I was like, shit man, I got GYPPED. For some reason I kept thinking “mpreg!” and I would say “but I’m not ready to DO mpreg!” I even told my mom this.
(For the record: My mother’s solution to mpreg is “genderswap”. I am not even kidding you. I was telling her about this, and then about how I was going to have to write mpreg - because I talk to my mom about my fic, I don’t know. She used to read my Harry Potter fic, but I digress - and she was like, “what if you turn them into girls, and then they have the baby, and turn back into a boy!” and I was like, “mom, that’s not actually mpreg if they’re a boy. I’m thinking more like, assbabies.” True story.)
Bailey York needs a man. But only on paper. She's writing a romance novel and she's having difficulty creating a hero. So she needs a real-life model for her story. Parker Davidson is perfect, everything a hero should be. But he wants to become the hero in her life, not just her book. And not just on Valentine's Day, either!
The longer Brendon laughed, the angrier Ryan got.
I ain’t gonna lie, it took me, I swear to God, hours to come up with that one line. I opened this document three days in a row and didn’t do shit with it, and oh, hey, there we go. So simple, yet so hard.
Spencer could tell, because when Ryan had walked into the room and announced his plan with a grand, sweeping gesture, Ryan had had a smile on his face. There was a downbeat of silence after Ryan said "I'm going to write a romance novel."
Which is really not that ridiculous, since now he’s writing a ‘bedtime story for adults’. Or a fairytale. I think you’re fulla shit, RyRo.
Then Brendon had started laughing, and Spencer had watched the smile fade, then disappear. Then he'd watched Ryan's eyebrows slide lower over his eyes and knit together and Brendon was crying he was laughing so hard. And Spencer, who thought it was ridiculous himself but would never say that, just sat there and watched Ryan get angrier and angrier. Spencer briefly wondered if Ryan would try to break up with Brendon again. It wouldn't work, of course, because it hadn't worked yet, and the tally that Spencer kept on the bulletin board in his room read something like ten times at this point.
"Get out of my apartment," Ryan finally snapped.
Spencer raised an eyebrow at Ryan. "Our apartment," Ryan amended. Spencer took a deep breath and started silently counting to ten.
One… two…
"What?" Brendon asked. ( Three… four… )
"Get out of our apartment," Ryan repeated, slowly and clearly like Brendon ( Five… six… seven… ) was a little kid or learning disabled. "Get out and we're done.”
( Eight… nine… )
"Ryan," Brendon said, sitting up. ( Ten, thought Spencer. ) Brendon's face fell into a full on pout, brown eyes wide and sweet and innocent, and this was the exact reason why Ryan could never stick to breaking up with him. Seven of the ten times they'd tried it so far, Ryan had caved in under the force of the puppy-dog eyes.
And now it was eight out of eleven.
I imagine this is how all the fights Ryan and Brendon have happen. Ryan gets pissed, Brendon gives him puppyface, Ryan caves. He thinks he’d be immune right now, but no. Every single time. Those are the fights that don’t start with Brendon flouncing off like a five year old.
"Brendon," Ryan said, sitting down on the couch and looking at Brendon very, very seriously. "I want to do this."
"Okay, fine, but I still think it's funny. I mean, you're a dude. No one's going to read a romance novel written by a dude, baby, no offense," Brendon said.
"I'll use a pseudonym," Ryan said.
"A what?" Brendon asked.
I don’t think I meant to make Brendon that stupid.
"A fake name," Spencer said. Another eyeroll. He didn't think that Ryan was going to be able to write a novel, either, but not because he was a guy.
"Oh. Well. Why a romance novel, Ryan, seriously," Brendon asked. It just wasn't really computing for him. Women wrote romance novels, and women read romance novels. Not pretty boys who were trying to get into veterinary school. "Why not like. Sci-Fi. Crime. Murder mysteries."
"Because I'm pretty sure you don't actually have to be able to write to write romances," Ryan said, wrinkling his nose up a little bit as he thought about it.
"So what's your point?" Spencer asked, watching both of them. "You can write."
"That's beside the point," Ryan said.
"Are you sure you don't just want to like, write a romance novel because you want to write a romance novel?" Brendon asked. "Because I have seen that book that you stick under the edge of the mattress because you don't want me to know you're reading it."
"The one with Fabio on the cover," Spencer added.
"Oh my God shut up it does not have Fabio on the cover," Ryan said.
"But you're not denying the fact that it exists," Brendon said.
I have, in my lifetime, discovered that the books with the bodice-ripper covers (such as the ones that feature Fabio), tend to, well, suck. If it has a muscle-bound dude and a half-naked chick on the cover, I won’t read it. Actually, if it wasn’t written by Jude Deveraux, I won’t read it. Plain as that. She is the only romance author I’ll read. Except for Mary Janice Davidson, but that’s because hers are funny. And they have vampires! Does Laurell K Hamilton count?
Ryan's mouth opened and closed a few times before Brendon tackled him backward onto the couch, laughing and kissing his neck. Ryan allowed himself to be pushed over dumbly.
"I can't believe you read that trash," Spencer said, and stood up, going into his bedroom to update the tally.
Don’t go around telling people I read LKH, guys. But Mistral’s Kiss was really good. It only had two sex scenes!
***
"So what do you think?" Ryan asked, his fingers laced around a cup of coffee. Spencer sat in the seat across the table from him, picking at a blueberry muffin.
"I think it sounds an awfully lot like your personal life," Spencer said. "You're writing fiction, Ry, not… whatever."
Ryan sighed and squirmed in his seat. "Okay, but, the main character's a girl."
"You're a girl," Spencer said, poking a piece of muffin into his mouth. Ryan kicked him under the table.
"Dick," he said.
"Bitch," Spencer retorted. Ryan sipped his coffee and sighed.
It’s real love when you can good-naturedly call your friends names. I prefer h00r. Which I say like “hoo-er”. Like the crazy lady on Two and a Half Men. I also tell my roommate she’s going to hell a lot, but that’s mostly when she flirts with boys who have girlfriends.
"What if the girl is like. She finds someone else. This perfect man to just," Ryan waved his hand through the air, "sweep her away and ride her off into the sunset."
"You are so, so gay," Spencer said. Ryan flipped him off. The woman at the next table gave him a dirty look. Ryan flipped her off too and reached out, snatching part of Spencer's muffin away for himself.
On a white horse, possibly wearing armor. Ryan would be wearing the bodice. hyoukai and discussed the Renaissance Faire AU. Maybe I’ll write that one day.
"Yeah well. I guess that would explain Brendon, wouldn't it?" Ryan said. Spencer rolled his eyes.
"Something has to," Spencer said. Ryan pouted at him.
"Do you really not like him?" Ryan asked.
"Well. It's not that I don't like him, because I do like him, it's just that… he's a shitty boyfriend. He'd be fantastic as a friend, but… he's… you could do so much better, Ry," Spencer said, then shook his head.
Ryan crossed his arms and looked down at the tabletop, not wanting to talk about this. They'd talked about this before, and he didn't want to talk about it again, not now, not ever.
"So she rides off into the sunset with her hero, huh?" Spencer said after a few minutes and a few bites of muffin. "What's her hero like?"
"I dunno," Ryan said. "He's nice. He's her perfect man."
"Bet he doesn't wear girl's jeans, does he," Spencer said.
"No. No he doesn't," Ryan said quietly, taking another sip of his coffee, staring absently out the window.
***
"Ryan," Brendon said sleepily, rubbing at his eyes and shifting to squint at the alarm clock. "Oh my God, are you ever going to sleep?" He flopped facedown into Ryan's pillows.
"I am working," Ryan said, sounding a little bit annoyed. "I have to work now while the idea is there. I don't have school or anything tomorrow, anyway."
"I do," Brendon said, turning his head back to look at Ryan.
"Then you shouldn't have stayed over here. You knew what I was going to be doing."
Brendon made a frustrated noise and turned onto his side, facing away from the lit screen of Ryan's computer.
He was asleep when Ryan finally gave up and went to bed. He was gone before Ryan woke up that afternoon.
***
Ryan had never heard music so loud in a Starbucks. Of course, it was just after nine and he was on his way back to his and Spencer's apartment for some hardcore "staring blankly at his word-document because he sure as hell didn't have a hero yet" time, but first he needed coffee. The barista danced up to the counter and flashed Ryan a huge smile.
"We're having a dance party," he told Ryan, his apron declaring him to be Jon. His smile was so nice that Ryan couldn't help but smile back. "What can I get for you this fine evening? Or can I interest you in my super secret special drink?"
Ryan stared at him for a moment. He was definitely attractive, and the way he was looking at Ryan made him think that he was flirting, but Ryan couldn't be sure. One thing he did know, was that he'd never had a barista this animated before.
"Sure," Ryan finally said. "Hit me with it."
Jon grinned like Ryan had made his day and danced behind the computer, punching buttons at lightning speed to print the sticker for Ryan's cup. "It's been so slow today," Jon said conversationally as Ryan stood there waiting, and as they completed the transaction. "So we're just trying to amuse ourselves so that we don't go crazy, you know?" Jon folded Ryan's fingers up around his change as Ryan got distracted watching one of the other baristas dancing as she made drinks. "You're welcome to dance with us!"
Ryan just stared at him in shock, his hand still held out. Jon just laughed. "Or not," he said. "But seriously. Dancing."
"Dancing," Ryan repeated, finally thinking to retract his hand. Jon shook his head but he kept smiling watching Ryan as Ryan stood there.
"You get your drink down there," Jon said, trying to motivate Ryan in that direction. Ryan blinked at him, then he smiled back at Jon just as brightly before dancing his way right down to the pickup counter. That made Jon smile even more, and he went back to get Ryan's drink.
He returned and handed the drink to Ryan. "It'll be good, I promise. And I wrote you a note." Ryan just smiled at him and took the drink, dropping a couple of dollars into the tip jar.
"Thank you," he said. "Have fun with your dance party."
"We will!" Jon said brightly and went back to business behind the counter, dancing around all the while. Ryan wished that his job was half that much fun, but he had suspicions that this job wasn't this much fun all of the time. He headed toward the door.
He didn't look at Jon's note until he was back in the car and getting ready to head home. Only then did he even think to look.
Jon's Super Special Secret Drink, it said underneath the sticker that read what the drink was. And underneath that -- a phone number. Ryan felt his skin heat up. Holy shit, he thought. Jon the Barista had given him his phone number.
He drove home with a smile on his face.
Okay, sometimes I take stuff that happened in real life and I incorporate it, especially if it was something so awesome as this. I went to the Starbucks in the city where my school is, and it was like, 9 pm on a Sunday night, and I ordered a mocha with a shot of raspberry. And the girl on the drive through said “oh my gosh, that’s almost my special drink!” and she told me this story about how someone had come in and taught them this stuff (the SB had just opened), and he had a special drink, and this girl had decided that she wanted to do it.
Anyway, I was in the drive through, not the store, and I pulled up to the window, and the music was actually pretty loud, for a Starbucks, and dudes - all of the baristas were dancing, and it was pretty great. Anyway, so I got the drink, and the girl - Hilary - told me that I should come back and join their dance party. I didn’t, but I did tip her pretty well because she kind of made my night. Anyway, I’d never had a barista that great (three of four times I’ve been in there recently, I’ve ended up with the wrong drink), and I decided that Jon Walker would BE that awesome. Jon Walker IS that awesome.
***
"So some random guy working at Starbucks gave you his number?" Brendon was asking, eyeing the cup that was sitting on the kitchen table with a murderous glare. Ryan rolled his eyes and regretted leaving it there the night before. He should've finished it, or at least thrown it away. "Did you flirt with him? Why would he give you his number?"
Brendon Urie is a dick. What the hell? Brendon/Ryan is my otp, and yet.
Ryan had an extreme dislike for this sort of interrogation thing. He didn't do it. He got jealous, sure, but it was the sort of jealousy that just kind of festered, and not the kind where he got up in Brendon's face and demanded the answers to questions.
"Because Ryan danced," Spencer said from where he was standing with the refrigerator door open.
"Shut up, Spencer," Brendon said, not even bothering to look at the other boy. One of Spencer's eyebrows arched up and he looked at Ryan.
"Brendon, if you're going to fucking act like this, just go home, okay?" Ryan said. "I'm tired and I don't feel like dealing with your high school shit right now."
Brendon's mouth formed an angry little circle and he stared at Ryan for a moment. Then he stormed out of the kitchen. Spencer had to duck down into the refrigerator, pretending to look for something that he'd already found, in effort to keep from laughing where either Ryan or Brendon could hear it. He had just straightened up when Brendon stomped back in, snatched up the cup, crumpled it up as tightly as he could, then threw it into the garbage. Spencer watched with his eyes a little wide as Brendon stomped back out.
Brendon Urie is also immature. This is real life, though. Someday I’m going to write a scene where he gets pissed and tells someone to suck his cock. Because he does that, you guys.
This time, Ryan stood up and followed him, not stomping but Spencer could tell that he was close to it. He heard the door slam and the sound of the locks clicking into place. Ryan had locked Brendon out. Spencer wondered how long it would stick and was glad that he'd been able to talk Ryan out of giving Brendon a key. If Brendon had a key, Spencer figured that he'd spend more time there. And then Spencer would have to hire someone to kill him. ( Spencer would never do it himself. Too messy. )
He waited a few minutes and then grabbed a soda for the both of them, walking to the living room and holding out the one for Ryan. "Here," he said, before sitting down beside his best friend, who was sitting on the couch with his arms crossed over his chest, staring straight ahead into space. Ryan unfolded his arms and took the soda, but didn't look at Spencer.
"I wrote the number down. It's on the marker board on the fridge," Spencer told Ryan. "You know, just in case."
"Thanks, but I have a boyfriend," Ryan said, a little mechanical.
"And he's an ass. What's the worst that's going to happen if you call this guy, Ryan?" Spencer asked.
"I'm not going to cheat on my boyfriend," Ryan said, still mechanical.
"Oh, for Christ's sake, Ryan, I'm not asking you to cheat on your boyfriend. Talk to the Starbucks guy. From the story you told he sounded like a complete blast. At least enough that you wanted to make him your hero," Spencer said. "Come on. Call him. Go back to the Starbucks and ask him if he wants to hang out or something. That does not mean that you're cheating on Brendon."
"Except it totally does," Ryan said moodily. Spencer sighed.
"Fine, it does. Dump Brendon," Spencer said flatly.
"Thanks, Spence," Ryan said, standing up and letting the unopened soda fall to the floor. He stormed into his bedroom and slammed the door.
Spencer wondered how upset Ryan would be if Spencer put out a hit on Brendon anyway.
Spencer Smith, also kind of a dick. Or at least, not a very understanding friend. Ryan’s in love! Spencer should support him! Only not.
***
Spencer went with Ryan the next time he went to Starbucks. He had to see this amazing barista for himself, and he was pretty sure that he’d be disappointed if the guy wasn’t there.
He was, and he had a bright smile for Ryan when he walked up to the counter. “Well hello,” he said, smiling. His eyes flicked over to Spencer and he smiled at him as well, but Spencer noticed it was a little disappointed. Was he thinking Spencer was Ryan’s boyfriend? Was he wondering if that was why Ryan hadn’t called?
Ryan couldn’t meet Jon’s eyes. Spencer hoped that he’d gone in his room and thought seriously about the whole Brendon issue. And he hoped that Ryan had come to the conclusion that he needed to dump Brendon and take a chance on the nice coffee slinging boy. It didn’t hurt that Jon was pretty much gorgeous in a way that Brendon wasn’t ever going to be. If Ryan wouldn’t take the chance, maybe Spencer would.
Ryan ordered and Jon asked for his name. There were more people in the shop this time, and maybe he asked for it because he needed to know it to make sure that Ryan got the right drink. Spencer thought it might be because he wanted to know Ryan’s name and hadn’t gotten it before when there hadn’t been anyone in the shop to get him confused with.
“I ha-“ Ryan opened his mouth to say, and Spencer kicked him hard in the ankle, smiling all the while, pretending to be innocent and looking up at the menu. “Ow!” Jon raised his eyebrow and looked over at Spencer.
Ryan had a bruise the size of a grapefruit later. He’s delicate.
“His name is Ryan,” Spencer said smoothly.
“Ryan, then,” Jon said, writing it on the cup. “Did you like my drink?”
“Yes,” Ryan said. He’d liked it very much, actually.
“And you saw my note,” Jon asked. Ryan nodded. Jon looked at him for a moment, then didn’t say anything else. He looked up at Spencer. “What can I get for you?”
Spencer smiled and ordered. “Spencer,” he added, and Jon nodded and wrote it down on the cup. Ryan moved out of the way and down to the other end of the counter to wait while Spencer paid. Jon finished up there then passed the cups to someone else before walking down to where Ryan was standing.
“Hey,” he said. Ryan looked up at him and Spencer wondered why Ryan looked like Jon might bite him, even though all he was doing was leaning on the counter. “I’m sorry, if I, you know, overstepped. You know, when I gave you my number.”
“No, you didn’t,” Ryan said quickly. It had felt great to get the number!
“I was kind of hoping you’d call,” Jon said, looking at Ryan.
“My boyfriend threw the cup in the garbage when he saw the number.”
“Oh.”
After Ryan said that, Jon turned away and went back to check on the drinks. Spencer slapped Ryan hard on the arm. “Are you stupid?” Spencer asked him. “He seriously wants to hang out with you and you keep-“
He had a bruise on his arm, too. Spencer should really not hit him so hard. Or so much. It’s kind of like domestic violence or something.
Ryan slapped Spencer back. “I have a boyfriend, Spencer. I am not going to dump my boyfriend just to go out with some Starbucks barista who’s cute and gave me his number,” Ryan snapped.
“Your boyfriend treats you like shit,” Spencer hissed at him as Jon came back with Ryan’s drink. Ryan turned around and took it from Jon with a tense ‘thank you’ before just walking right out of the store. “Son of a …” Spencer started, then leaned back against the counter and sighed, rubbing his hands across his face.
“Dude, are you all right?” Jon asked him. Spencer turned around and managed a little bit of a smile for Jon.
“Yeah. We have this argument all the time. His boyfriend’s a dick. I saved your number.” Spencer just shrugged. “I was kind of hoping that he’d just go for it.”
“I can’t blame him for not wanting to just dump his boyfriend for some random guy he met in a store, though,” Jon said. He understood it. He totally did.
“What’s stupid is I think Ryan was saving the number. He didn’t throw the cup away himself. He waited until Brendon saw it and then he got all jealous about it, and Ryan told him to get out if he was going to act like that, because seriously, seriously it’s just - I think I’m telling you all of this because it was your phone number.” Spencer was a little surprised at himself, but he was so frustrated with the Brendon thing that he was having a hard time being around Ryan anyway.
Jon just offered up Spencer’s drink. “I’m sorry,” Jon said. “I didn’t even think about it, you know? I just thought, hey, he’s cute, he went along with my dance party thing, what’s it going to hurt? I didn’t think about him having a boyfriend.”
“Yeah, well, there wouldn’t be a problem if he hadn’t wanted to do something with that number,” Spencer said.
“But you saved it,” Jon said.
“I saved it. It’s written on the marker board on our refrigerator,” Spencer said, then smiled because he was proud of himself for thinking about that. “And I want him to call you.”
“But.” Jon said.
“But I don’t think that he’ll do it because of Brendon,” Spencer said.
“You make it all sound so tragic when you say it like that,” Jon said with a little bit of a laugh.
“Yeah, I know. Just… I know that I don’t know you, and I know it’s a lot to ask, but if you could please, please be awesome and just… is it too much to ask that you like, steal him away from his boyfriend?” Spencer asked. Jon actually laughed at him. “Yeah, that’s stupid isn’t it. But he’s driving me crazy. Both of them are driving me crazy.”
“I’m not going to make you any promises,” Jon said. Spencer’s eyebrows raised and his eyes went wide with surprise.
“I like you so much that I want you for myself,” Spencer said. “Now I’m going to make sure that the drama queen didn’t run out into traffic.”
Jon laughed as Spencer turned and hurried out of the shop.
***
“So tell me about your book,” Brendon said, walking up behind Ryan where he was sitting at his computer, pecking away at the keyboard. He slid his arms around Ryan’s shoulders and kissed the back of his neck.
“I’m busy,” Ryan said. He was. Brendon leaned closer so that he could actually read what Ryan was writing.
“Are you writing porn?” Brendon asked. Ryan tried to bat him off.
“No,” Ryan said, but it sounded vaguely uncertain.
“I dunno, Ry, stuff about throbbing members and thrusting sounds awfully like porn to me,” Brendon said. Ryan slapped blindly at him, minimizing his document.
I could. Not. Help. Myself. What’s a romance novel cliché without some throbbing members?
“It’s a love scene,” Ryan said tensely.
I bet that’s what Laurell K. Hamilton says too.
“It’s porn,” Brendon said, leaning down and kissing the side of Ryan’s neck. “Stop writing it and come make it with me.”
“Brendon. Seriously. I’m going to write this. I need you to just let me write this,” Ryan said, still trying to push Brendon away from him. “Please, Brendon, let me do this.”
“I think you need to give up this stupid book thing,” Brendon said, crossing his arms over his chest and going into a pout. “I think you need to give up the book thing and go back to being my boyfriend.”
“If you keep acting like this, I’m not even going to want to be your boyfriend anymore,” Ryan said, turning around and looking up at Brendon.
Brendon’s mouth fell open and Ryan just looked at him silently.
“So that’s how it’s going to be,” Brendon said, and Ryan could see his cheeks getting red, getting angry.
“I’m not just your boyfriend, Brendon,” Ryan said. “I can’t just be your boyfriend. You have to let me do what I want to do and you have to respect that. We’re not. We’re adults and I can’t handle you acting like you’re in high school, okay?”
“Fine,” Brendon said, and Ryan knew that he was upset. But he was just going to have to be upset because Ryan just couldn’t deal with his attitude right then. Ryan had school, he had work, and he had things that he wanted to do and Brendon didn’t seem willing to make himself fit into the time there was instead of trying to take up all of it. “Fine, Ryan. But when you decide that you know, you’re ready to actually have a relationship, let me know. Maybe we’ll get back together.”
“… excuse me?” Ryan said. “Get out of my apartment, okay? Just go. We’re done.”
That ultimatum shit don’t fly ‘round these parts.
“Yeah, we are,” Brendon said, and stormed out of Ryan’s room, almost taking Spencer down in the hallway.
“Ow,” Spencer said, his voice rising up in question as Brendon stormed out. He went into Ryan’s room. “What was that about?”
“We’re done,” Ryan said. “I can’t. I can’t do this with him anymore, Spencer. He doesn’t get it! He’s still trying to … he wants to still be a teenager and I can’t do that anymore.”
“He is a teenager, Ryan,” Spencer said.
“So are you and you don’t act like that,” Ryan said.
“Yeah, well, I’m not a drama queen either,” Spencer said, sitting down on the edge of the bed. Ryan sniffled. He wasn’t going to cry. He wasn’t going to let this make him cry.
“Now I don’t know what to do,” Ryan said, and he sniffed again.
“Well, don’t let him make you cry, for starters,” Spencer said, frowning. They’d been over this and over this and over this. He was sick and tired of seeing Ryan get all upset over it just to get back with Brendon to be tortured a little bit more.
“I’m not,” Ryan said, but his voice sounded strained and Spencer knew that he was about to cry.
“And when you’re through with being upset, go call Jon and ask him if he wants to go out for pizza or something,” Spencer said. Ryan frowned.
“I can’t just go call another guy when I just broke up with my boyfriend,” Ryan snapped at him.
“Maybe not today. But a couple of days from now, or something. Don’t make him your rebound. Just hang out and get to know him. That’s all I want you to do, Ryan.”
“Fine,” Ryan said. Spencer nodded and walked over, leaned down and hugged him, then walked out of the room. Ryan turned back to his novel and looked at it for a moment, before starting to work again, occasionally reaching up to scrub tears off his cheeks.
***
“So her boyfriend dumps her,” Ryan said, “and she’s all upset, and she goes to this café and she’s just sitting there, staring at her coffee and there’s this gorgeous waiter and he comes up and starts talking to her.”
“Uh huh,” Spencer says. He’s driving. Ryan’s sitting in the passenger seat and he looks pale and unhappy and hasn’t been out of his room all weekend until he had to go to class that morning. He’d even called in sick to work. Spencer was forcing him to go out to dinner.
I decided, for some reason, that veterinary school would be A+ for Ryan. I guess this is based on the fact that he worked in that kennel or something. I don’t know where this shit comes from, sometimes.
“And he’s like, everything that her boyfriend wasn’t. And she falls madly, desperately in love with him,” Ryan finished. Spencer looked over at Ryan, his eyes hidden behind his sunglasses.
“So what’s the twist,” Spencer asked. Because that couldn’t be all, could it? It wouldn’t make for a very good read unless Ryan could write scorchingly hot sex scenes, which Spencer somehow doubted.
“Her ex-boyfriend is a psycho and doesn’t want to let her go. He keeps showing up at her house and trying to get her back but really he’s just coming off as a psycho? I can’t decide if maybe he breaks in and tries to like. I don’t know, hurt her or kill her or whatever. And her new man is there to save her,” Ryan explained.
Brendon’s not a psycho, fortunately.
“I think I’ve read that one,” Spencer said, twisting in his seat to check behind him before merging over.
“Fuck you! You have not!” Ryan said. “Besides, you don’t read romance novels. You’re too good for them.”
“Damn right I am,” Spencer said.
And even if Spencer DID read romances, he’d never admit it to Ryan. Plus he hides them better than Ryan does.
“Where are we going, anyway?” Ryan asked, only vaguely familiar with the area they were driving through.
“Out, Ryan Ross, we are going out, because you spent the entire weekend locked in your bedroom either crying or tapping at that stupid novel. And yes, I did hear you crying, so don’t even try and lie.”
Ryan didn’t. They pulled into a pizza parlor a few minutes later, and Ryan was confused. “What are we -“ But Spencer had already gotten out of the car. Ryan made a frustrated little noise and got out after him. “I could be at home studying and we could’ve ordered in pizza, you know,” Ryan bitched as they walked into the building.
“Two?” the hostess asked them as they walked in. Ryan nodded his head.
“No, we’re meeting someone,” Spencer said, then smiled at her. “He’s right over there.”
Ryan was horrified to realize that Spencer had brought him here to meet Jon. Ryan reached out and pinched Spencer hard in the ribs. “What the hell is wrong with you? I’ve been broken up with my boyfriend for two days and you’re trying to set me up with someone else?”
“No,” Spencer said, rolling his eyes. “I have been trying to set you up with someone else since before you broke up with your boyfriend.” At that, he just grabbed Ryan by the wrist and dragged him back to the table where Jon was already sitting tucked into one side of the booth. Spencer pushed Ryan into the opposite side and slid in to trap him there. Ryan glared at him.
“Hi,” Jon said, and smiled at the both of them.
“I’m sure you remember Ryan,” Spencer said smoothly.
“Of course,” Jon said, and he and Spencer were co-conspirators in this whole deal. Ryan felt thoroughly betrayed.
Ryan sat there silently for a good twenty minutes while Spencer and Jon carried on an animated conversation. He didn’t want to talk. He wanted to be at home with his computer and his textbooks and he didn’t want to be out with some other boy when he was still upset over the fact that he’d just broken up with his boyfriend and his best friend was betraying him by dragging him out and lying to his face.
Well, okay, Spencer hadn’t lied, really. He’d just omitted large portions of information that Ryan really needed to know. He’d also kind of manhandled Ryan to get him into the car and Ryan really did bruise kind of like a pretty little peach and he was sure that he had rings of Spencer’s-finger-shaped bruises around the top of his arms.
See? Domestic violence.
“So, Ryan, Spencer told me that you’re writing a book,” Jon said suddenly, and Ryan snapped around to look at Spencer, horrified. How could Spencer tell him about the book? How could he do that, especially since Spencer knew that Ryan was using Jon as the basis for his hero?
“Um, yeah,” Ryan said. He really didn’t want to talk about it. Spencer thought it was dumb, and Spencer was his best friend. Brendon thought it was dumb and now they were broken up. Ryan couldn’t imagine how Jon wouldn’t think it was dumb. “It kind of sucks, though.”
“Yeah, but from what I can tell, most romance novels do,” Jon said.
“Spencer!” Ryan said loud enough that people actually turned to look. He blushed and sank down in the seat, pretending he didn’t exist. “Spencer Smith, I fucking hate you. Why’d you tell him that?”
“Uh. Because it’s true?” Spencer said. “Stop being a girl and sit up straight, jeez.”
“Whatever you say, mom,” Ryan said, pushing his feet against the seat so that he popped back up.
“You’re like a little kid. And you called Brendon out on being a high schooler. I didn’t raise you to be a hypocrite,” Spencer said.
Ryan’s face registered a look of shock and horror at what his best friend had just said. Spencer could tell Ryan wasn’t sure whether to hit Spencer or start cracking up. He settled for a bit of a snicker and a really hard smack on the arm. Jon was just sitting there, watching them and laughing. It made Ryan’s skin heat up even more and he made a mental note to kill Spencer later.
“Hey Jon, do you have a pen?” Ryan asked. Jon shook his head. Fortunately, the waitress walked by just then. “Hey, um, ma’am? Do you have a pen I can borrow for a second?” The girl smiled and pulled a pen out of her apron and handed it to Ryan. He snatched up a clean napkin and guarded it with his arm as he set to work writing or drawing something on it. A minor scuffle broke out when Spencer decided that he wanted to see and yelped when Ryan shoved him halfway out into the floor.
In the end, it was nothing more than a note that read Note to self: kill Spencer in his sleep. Make sure it looks like suicide. Too pretty for prison. in rough scrawl with a ridiculous X-rated drawing underneath it. Ryan pushed it across the table to Jon.
I like to imagine that the drawing Ryan does somehow involves a cock. And a stick figure that is labeled “Spence”. Complete with an arrow. Or possibly, a monkey fucking a coconut.
“Keep it safe,” Ryan said. Jon grinned and folded it carefully, tucking it into his hoodie pocket.
Every time I see this line, my brain helpfully says “keep it secret, keep it safe.”
“Jon!” Spencer said, his eyes wide, clutching his hands to his chest. “How could you betray me like this?”
“Well, Spencer, it was easy,” Jon said. “I didn’t want to hurt my chances. Therefore, I had to side with Ryan.”
“… well played, Jon Walker. Well played,” Spencer said, eyeing the other boy across the table. Then he looked over at Ryan who was ducking his head. On further inspection, Spencer realized that Ryan was actually blushing. “I’ll be right back,” Spencer said, tossing his napkin onto the bench and heading toward the bathroom in a bid to leave Ryan and Jon alone together. He just wished that he’d be able to watch and see what happened.
“So,” Jon said, once Spencer was gone. Ryan looked up at him, suddenly nervous to be left alone with Jon. “Um. Spencer kind of. He’s a little forceful. I mean. No offense to him or anything but he really, really wanted you to break up with your boyfriend.”
“I know,” Ryan said, then sighed, rolling his eyes. “I didn’t want to be here. Not tonight. We only broke up a few days ago, you know, so.”
“I’m not asking you to do anything but give me a chance,” Jon said. “You don’t have to do it right now, but I just wanted to tell you. Before you got back with him.”
“You’re assuming a whole lot, you know,” Ryan said. “Like, that I want to give you a chance at all.”
“If you didn’t, you wouldn’t have kept my number,” Jon said. Ryan opened his mouth to say something, but just let it close again. He didn’t have anything witty to come back with against that.
“Okay, fine,” Ryan said after a moment. “What are you going to do for me, Jon Walker?”
“I’m going to be your knight in shining armor, Ryan Ross,” Jon said, perfectly serious as he looked at Ryan. Ryan even almost cracked a smile.
Spencer Smith has a big mouth. But yes. Knight in shining armor, white horse, riding off into the sunset, Ryan in a bodice, you know the drill.
They both went quiet as Spencer returned to the table.
***
"Ryan, if you don't start getting ready right now you're not going to be ready when Jon gets here," Spencer said. Ryan was sitting at his computer, typing frantically, unshowered and still in his pajamas. Spencer was leaning in the doorway, hip popped and arms crossed. "Actually, you're probably not going to be ready anyway."
"Shut up, shut up!" Ryan said, waving one hand at Spencer, waving him off.
"I really think that you going on a date is more important than your novel."
"What kind of best friend are you that you won't support my endeavors? We could get rich off of this, you know."
"Ryan. It's a romance novel. We're not going to get rich off it, you idiot."
"See? And again, I'm sitting here questioning your quality as a best friend," Ryan pointed out, finally turning to look at Spencer.
"Yeah, well, see, as your best friend, I'm telling you that you need to ditch the novel for tonight and go out with the hot barista who's going to be here in half an hour," Spencer said. "And let me put emphasis on hot. As in, if you don't want him I am going to take him for myself."
“Spencer, I would really like to finish this one day -“
“Ryan,” Spencer said, and gave Ryan his patented Death Glare. Ryan was really immune to it, and just looked at Spencer blankly. “Okay, seriously. Go out with the boy. I promise the novel will be waiting here when you get back.”
“You won’t throw the computer out the window? Because I’ll be super fucking pissed if you tear up my computer,” Ryan said.
“I’ll just delete the file,” Spencer said dryly.
“I have a backup.”
“Yeah, I know. It’s stuck between the mattresses like you used to do with your diary when we were little.”
“It was not a fucking diary, Spencer Smith.”
“Your journal, whatever. Go take a shower. You’re starting to reek.”
This was funnier before I’d heard Ryan actually call his diary a diary. Be more gay, Ryan Ross, seriously.
“Fuck you,” Ryan said, but he got up and hurried to go take a shower anyway. Spencer actually sprayed down the room with air freshener just to drive Ryan crazy before going to wait in the living room. Odds were, Jon would get there and Ryan would only be half dressed. Or still in the shower.
Sure enough, when Jon arrived, Ryan had just gotten out of the shower. He was in the hallway in his towel when he heard Spencer opening the door with a greeting.
“Oh shit!” he yelped before thinking about it, and scrambled into his room.
“He was just, you know, terribly busy,” Spencer said, pretending to be completely serious.
“Oh, the novel,” Jon said, nodding like he really knew.
“It’s going to make him rich,” Spencer continued.
“… it’s a romance novel.”
“He’s delusional.”
“Good thing he’s pretty, then.”
“I hate you both,” Ryan yelled, walking back across the hall into the bathroom and slamming the door behind him.
“Look, you’re causing drama already!” Spencer said gleefully to Jon. “I like you. Please stay.”
Jon just laughed and he and Spencer sat down on the couch to wait.
He likes it when Jon causes drama, because it’s fun drama. For Spencer. Whereas when Brendon caused drama, it ended in tears.
***
Spencer was asleep on the couch when Ryan came in. Well, when Ryan tried to sneak in. The sound of the door clicking shut woke him up, and he blinked rapidly, looking at Ryan.
“What time is it?” Spencer asked, still half asleep.
“Like… two?” Ryan said. He twisted his wrist and looked at his watch as he locked the door back. “Yeah, two.”
“I thought you and Jon were just going to dinner?” Spencer said, rubbing his hand across his face.
“We did,” Ryan said, and Spencer noticed that he kept his head down as he walked across the living room and down the hall to his bedroom. Spencer got up and followed him.
“Dinner for… seven hours, Ryan?” Spencer asked. Ryan was taking off his jacket by the light of his novel on the computer screen.
“We decided to go to a movie, too,” Ryan added.
“Okay, still, seven hours. Unless you saw the Lord of the Rings, the most that a movie’s going to take up is two hours, Ry. So even if you had, like, a really long dinner, you’re only accounting for about four hours. Factor in driving times, and there’s still two hours unaccounted for,” Spencer said, then smiled, proud of himself.
“Are you going to math me to death?” Ryan asked.
This fic was beta’d by iphignia939. She likes my use of math as a verb. I like her use of everything. You should go and read her stuff instead of this commentary or something.
“Why are you changing in the dark?” Spencer asked, suddenly thinking that maybe, just maybe, he had a clue about what was going on.
“I’m not. The computer’s on,” Ryan said.
Spencer reached out and flipped the light on so that he could get a good look at Ryan. Ryan’s hand snapped up and he ducked his head down, as though he were hiding something.
“Please tell me you’re not trying to hide a hickey,” Spencer said.
“I’m not,” Ryan said.
“Ryan, you know I’m not going to like, judge you or something if you do, right,” Spencer said seriously. “I mean, lots of girls put out on the first date, that doesn’t mean that they’re sluts …”
“I have beard burn on my neck and I am not a slut.” Ryan said, walking over and poking Spencer hard in the chest. Spencer reached up and rubbed the offending spot.
“You do have beard burn,” Spencer said, looking at Ryan’s neck. Ryan reached up and clapped a hand over it.
“You called me a girl,” Ryan said.
“You are a girl.”
So far, I’ve called Ryan a girl twice, and a bitch once. I’m kind of mean to him, considering how much I like him.
“I hate you, Spencer Smith.”
“That’s unfortunate, because I love you, Ryan Ross.”
Spencer threw his arms around Ryan and squeezed him tight, making Ryan squeak for air and try to push Spencer off.
***
“Ryan, I need to talk to you. Call me back, okay?”
Ryan just kept looking down at his phone as the automated voicemail told him that, to delete the message, he could press seven, and to hear it again, press one.
“Don’t call him,” Spencer said. Ryan looked up at Spencer.
“I miss him,” Ryan said. He didn’t mean to say it. It just slipped out. And it was true, besides.
“Yeah, but you broke up a month ago,” Spencer said logically. “And he hasn’t made any effort to talk to you since then. And you’ve been out with Jon, like, five times since then, three of the five times after which you came home with beard burn.”
“But Brendon -“
“But you’re actually happy when you’re with Jon. You don’t fight with Jon.”
“I’ve only been going out with Jon for like, a week,” Ryan said, and disconnected the call to his voicemail. Spencer noticed that he didn’t delete the message.
“You were fighting with Brendon in less than a week when you started going out, if I remember correctly,” Spencer said. Ryan put the phone down on the couch cushion between them and sighed.
“I still miss him,” Ryan said, shrugging slightly. Spencer just sighed as well and they went silent for a while. Ryan fidgeted around a little before looking over at Spencer. “I finished my novel,” he finally said.
“Really?” Spencer said, completely shocked. Ryan nodded. “What are you going to do with it?”
“I don’t know. Just leave it on my computer, I guess. I have midterms coming up.” Ryan scratched his head a little bit, watching Spencer.
“Is it good? I mean, you said that you were going to sell it and make us rich, right?” Spencer asked. Ryan could see the wheels turning in his head, little dollar signs dancing across his eyes.
“Spencer, I was just joking, you know? I … I didn’t actually think that it’d mean anything, you know? I just wanted to do it,” Ryan said, then shrugged slightly.
“Excuse me, what? I’ve had to suffer through all of this time with you writing that stupid novel, breaking up with Brendon and finding Jon and getting together with him and doing nothing otherwise but work on that stupid, stupid novel, and now you’re not going to do anything with it?” Spencer asked. “No. No sir, you are going to do something with it.”
Spencer Smith is a management major.
“Spencer…” Ryan said, and rolled his eyes. “I’m going to go study. You know, for my midterms.”
“You do that, Ryan,” Spencer said.
Ryan picked up his phone and went into his room. Spencer got up and went to his own room. He was on a mission, now.
***
“What did you want?” Ryan said quietly.
“I wanted to talk to you. About what happened. You know,” Brendon said. “I didn’t mean what I said. About. You know, maybe having a relationship when you were done with the novel. I was just frustrated. Mostly because my boyfriend had been writing porn on his computer for like, … I don’t know. Too long.”
“I finished it,” Ryan said.
“What? Really? That was quick. I thought you’d still be trying to figure out your perfect hero,” Brendon said, a little startled. “So… do you want to maybe, you know, go out?”
“I… I found my perfect hero,” Ryan said.
“Me?” Brendon asked, then laughed.
“No,” Ryan said shortly. “Not you.”
“Ouch, Ry,” Brendon said. He actually sounded hurt.
It’s stupid that he sounds hurt. He’s stupid to sound hurt, because seriously, Brendon, you’re completely delusional if you think that you’re Ryan’s hero. Jeez.
“I’m seeing someone else,” Ryan blurted out. He heard Brendon’s sharp intake of breath.
“So that’s how it is? You break up with me and immediately start going out with another guy?” Brendon asked, his voice rising in volume and Ryan was sure that he was storming around the room. Ryan just took a deep breath and sighed it out.
“No, I didn’t immediately start going out with another guy. I sulked all week and Spencer forced me to go out for pizza with him and a friend. The friend was really nice, and he and I… went out on a date.”
“And you, what, slept with him to get over me?” Brendon asked.
Ouch. Jon Walker is not Ryan’s rebound. It’s true love. You know the drill, knight in shining armor, Ryan in a bodice, white horses and riding off into the sunset…
“God, I wish I hadn’t fucking called you, you know? You’re such a dick. I didn’t fucking sleep with him to get over you. I haven’t slept with him at all and we’ve been on several dates now,” Ryan snapped at him. “I wish everyone would quit acting like I’m some fucking whore who just sleeps with whoever.”
See? Ryan is not that kind of boy. He has … morals. And uh. Stuff.
“I didn’t say - why are you freaking out?” Brendon actually sounded a little horrified. Ryan felt the tiniest bit pleased at the way that sounded.
“Because I’m tired of the way you treat me, Brendon,” Ryan snapped. “You call me and tell me you need to talk to me and all you want is to get me back and then you ask me if I’ve fucked another guy and how is it ever okay to ask that?”
“I didn’t say it like that,” Brendon said.
“But you said it. You asked me if I slept with him to get over you,” Ryan snapped. “And no, Brendon, I didn’t. I went out with him because it made me happy to do so. I kissed him because it felt like the right thing to do. Because he’s not you. I don’t fight with him every five minutes, okay?”
And yeah, sure, they made out, but it was because it felt like the right thing to do. There was no touching below the belt.
“Ryan -“ Brendon started.
“So, you know, it’s none of your business what I do now, because we’re over. You decided to break up with me. You decided that you wouldn’t be with me because I was working on that novel. So that’s it, Brendon. You made that choice and you don’t get to un-make it.”
“But you finished the novel,” Brendon protested. “I told you, when it was finished, we could -“
“But you didn’t take into consideration that I might be with someone else,” Ryan said. “You didn’t take into consideration that there was already someone else that actually wanted to be with me. That you weren’t the only person who thought, oh, hey, he’s good looking, maybe I’ll take him out.”
“So it’s really over?” Brendon asked. His voice sounded pathetic, like he thought that that would make Ryan want to get back with him, just so he wouldn’t sound like that.
“It’s really over, Brendon,” Ryan said. And then he just disconnected the call. Brendon didn’t call back.
Spencer stood in the hallway, his hand poised to knock on Ryan’s door. He’d frozen up when he’d heard the things that Ryan had said. Maybe he was really going to stick to it this time. But right now, Ryan probably wanted to be alone.
Whatever Spencer had to say, no matter how exciting, that could wait until later.
***
Ryan was standing at the kitchen counter, staring blankly at the toaster while it did it’s job. Spencer wandered in and plopped down at the kitchen table. Ryan didn’t even turn around and look at him, and didn’t say anything. Just stood there with his shoulder slumped. The toast popped and Ryan fished it out, buttering it quickly. He actually jumped when he turned around and saw Spencer sitting there.
One day I’m writing a fic where someone’s Pop-Tart gets stuck in a toaster.
“Jesus,” he said. “How long have you been sitting there.”
“Long enough to wonder why you’re letting Brendon make you mope. Again,” Spencer said.
Especially since you have Jon Walker, Ryan, honestly.
“I really, really don’t want to talk about it,” Ryan said, and nibbled the crust off the edges of the piece of bread. “I mean, really, really, Spencer.”
“Fine, we won’t,” Spencer said, then leaned over and stole Ryan’s other piece of toast. Ryan just sighed. “So is your book good?”
“Do you want to read it or something?” Ryan asked, licking his lips free of toast-crumbs.
“Not really. I was just wondering if you thought that it was good,” Spencer said, watching Ryan, ready to gauge his reaction to his next statement. “Because if you do, I want to sell it.”
“What?” Ryan asked, his toast slipping out of his fingers and his eyes going wide. The toast landed butter-side down, naturally.
I saw a joke once where if you strap a piece of buttered toast to a cat’s back you create antigravity, because toast ALWAYS lands butter side down and cats always land on their feet. However, if anyone can provide me visual proof (as in, video) of toast being dropped and landing butter side up, I will rescind this statement. MY toast always lands butter side down. Goddamnit.
“I,” Spencer began, speaking slowly, as thought Ryan was five years old. “Would like to sell your book if it is good.”
“Spencer, Brendon was right when he said that no one was going to read a book written by a man,” Ryan said. “I mean, seriously. How many romance novel authors are men?”
“How many are gay boys?” Spencer shot back. Ryan opened his mouth to say something, faltered, and closed it right back up. “See? It’s a new selling point. Or you could use a pseudonym, as you said to start with.”
“What if it’s not actually good, Spence?” Ryan asked. Spencer sat there, thinking for a minute.
“Can I let my mom read it?” Spencer asked. “Like, we can print it out, I can put it in some kind of binder or something, and I’ll take it to my mom. She reads that kind of stuff. We’ll see what she thinks of it.”
What you don’t see: Before Spencer lets his mother have the printed novel, he reads it himself. He’d never admit it aloud, but it’s a pretty stellar romance novel.
“I don’t want your mom to know I wrote a romance novel,” Ryan said pitifully, picking up his toast and looking at it woefully, before just taking another bite. It had only fallen on the table, after all.
“I won’t tell her. I’ll tell her it was a friend of mine. I’ll use all female pronouns,” Spencer said.
“I’m never going to be able to look your mother in the face ever again,” Ryan said.
“So that’s a yes? If she says it’s good, I’m officially your agent, I get a cut and I’m selling your book,” Spencer said.
“Okay,” Ryan said meekly. Spencer was the businessman. He always had been. Ryan had always been more of an artist.
I’m telling you, man, he’s a management major.
“So you better start thinking about material for a sequel. Or another book altogether,” Spencer said.
Ryan put the last bit of toast in his mouth and chewed, getting up to get something to wipe the table off with. Spencer waited patiently while Ryan cleaned up and moved back to sit at the table.
“Well, I’d really kind of like to spend time with my boyfriend first,” Ryan said.
Snuggling, and probably putting out. They’ve been on several dates now! Beard burn in other places besides Ryan’s neck.
“So Jon’s your boyfriend now?” Spencer asked, raising an eyebrow.
“We’re dating each other exclusively,” Ryan said.
Spencer just smiled. “We’ll start printing the book later. Then I’ll get something to put it in and take it to my mom,” Spencer said.
“Okay,” Ryan said, and got up from the table. “I’m going to go take a shower and call Jon.”
“You do that,” Spencer said. “And start printing.”
“Don’t have any paper,” Ryan said.
“Then I’ll go get some. Be ready to start printing when I get back with it.”
“Okay,” Ryan said. He knew better than to argue when Spencer had already gone into full-on evil mastermind mode. He just wandered out of the kitchen and into the bathroom.
Spencer went out for paper.
*** One Year Later.
“I’m kind of nervous,” Ryan had said. They were sitting in Spencer’s car, parked in the back of the bookstore. Spencer had just shrugged at him. “No, Spencer, seriously. I’m like. I think I’m going to throw up.”
“Get out of the car before you do it,” Spencer said, poking around on his phone. Ryan groaned at him. Jon reached up from the back seat to rub Ryan’s shoulders gently.
“Just take a deep breath,” Jon suggested, resting his chin against the backrest of the seat.
“Yeah, and, like, put your head between your knees,” Spencer suggested.
“My body doesn’t bend that way,” Ryan whined.
“Uh,” Jon said, and then snickered.
“Oh fuck you, Jon Walker. My body does not bend that way in the front seat of a car,” Ryan said.
“Okay, TMI, kids, get the hell out of my car,” Spencer said and opened his door. Ryan didn’t move.
“I can’t do this,” he whispered. Spencer rolled his eyes and reached over, pinching Ryan’s arm as hard as he could, making him yelp. “What the fuck did you do that for?”
Why are you so mean to Ryan, Spencer Smith? Why so much violence? Try that anger management stuff.
“To piss you off and make you forget you were going to throw up,” Spencer said, as though this was a perfectly logical explanation. He’d rather Ryan be pissed off than whining about how scared this was. “Now, those people in that line are here to see you. They’re here to see a little gay boy from Vegas who wrote a romance novel that they really liked. So get your ass out of the car and crack your knuckles and get ready to write your name about fifty million times.”
“And don’t throw up,” Jon added cheerfully. Ryan turned around and gave him a look, grimacing. Jon leaned forward and kissed the end of his nose. Ryan sighed.
“Definitely don’t throw up,” Spencer added, and Ryan finally got out of the car. Spencer locked the doors and Jon crawled out of the back seat, closing the passenger side behind him.
“I’m totally going to throw up,” Ryan said, then turned and tucked his face into Jon’s shoulder. Jon made a face.
“Well, do it on Spencer if you’re going to do it,” Jon told him, but he wrapped his arms around Ryan and tried to comfort him the best he could. He was warm and Ryan just sort of melted against him, breathing in. Spencer looked at his watch and glared at them while he waited, watching Jon whispering into Ryan’s ear.
“We’re going to be late,” Spencer said crossly. Ryan took a deep breath and peeled himself away. Spencer noticed that his fingers immediately sought out Jon’s hand to squeeze as they all three headed inside.
This is my favourite scene in the entire fic, and I will tell you why. I love that a) it’s funny. I love that b) there’s such BOY-ness to their actions. I love that c) Ryan and Jon are all snuggly and boyfriend-y. That’s the best part. A lot of love for this scene.
***
Ryan wasn’t looking when the next book hit the table in front of him. He was busy cracking his knuckles, trying to rub an ink-stain off of the end of one of his fingers. The book smacked the table in front of him and he jumped.
“You made me the bad guy.”
Brendon Urie: Still A Dick.
Ryan looked up sharply, his eyes going wide when he saw who was standing there. He swallowed hard. He couldn’t say anything nasty like he really, really wanted to. There were people standing around.
“You were the bad guy,” he whispered, looking up at Brendon with his eyes wide. Brendon gave him the tiniest bit of a smile, a little twist of his mouth.
“Look, Ryan, I’m really sorry about that, you know?” Brendon said.
“Don’t worry about it, okay?” Ryan said. He picked up the book and turned it toward him, opening it up and looking at it for a moment, not writing anything.
“Hey, um. I wanted to. Maybe we could. You know, go out. Sometime,” Brendon suggested. Ryan didn’t think he’d ever seen the boy at such a loss for words.
“Brendon, I have a boyfriend,” Ryan said.
“No, I know. Just as friends, Ryan,” Brendon said. “We were friends, once.”
“I know,” Ryan said. He looked down at the book, tapping the end of the pen against it for a moment, then looking up. He could see people behind Brendon in the line trying to figure out what was going on, getting antsy about why it was taking so long for this guy to get out of the way so they could get through the line.
“So…” Brendon said. Ryan still hadn’t written anything.
“I’ll. I have your number. So. So if it’s the same. I’ll call you,” Ryan said.
“Okay,” Brendon said. He gave Ryan a real smile this time, and Ryan managed one back. Then he looked back down at the book and wrote something quickly before flipping it shut and handing it to Brendon, their fingers brushing as Brendon took the book from him and turned away. The next person walked up and Ryan looked away from watching Brendon walk away to smile up at the girl standing there and greet her. She was watching Brendon walk away too.
I had written this scene about ten times in my head, but wasn’t able to go ahead and write it down. I wish I had, because for some reason I managed not to get what Ryan wrote in Brendon’s book in there. But I can tell you now! Brendon - Sorry I made you the bad guy. Yep.
Also, that girl is naughty, watching Brendon walk away. But whatever. We’d all do it. Boy’s got a great ass.
***
Brendon was waiting outside when they came out. He wasn’t sure that they even noticed him, sitting in his car. He’d heard that a lot more people had turned out than expected, which he thought was great for Ryan. He was almost asleep with his head resting against the steering wheel when he saw Spencer walk out. He started to open the door and get out, but stopped.
Ryan walked out with who Brendon could only assume was his boyfriend. Brendon had to assume it, the guy had his arm snaked around Ryan’s waist and was talking to him, and Ryan had his head ducked, smiling. He looked happy, and Brendon couldn’t really remember a time that Ryan had looked so happy. Certainly not a time when Ryan was with him.
Brendon decided not to get out of the car. If Ryan wanted to call him, then, he supposed, Ryan could call him.
He hoped that Ryan would call him.
Brendon totally does call, and he totally goes and hangs out with them. And later, like, a year or so later, he totally hooks up with Spencer, because I had a serious dilemma about whether Brendon and Spencer would hook up, and the answer is YES and it’s later on, and it’s kind of an accident because Brendon’s got that mouth and Spencer’s got those hips and Brendon’s totally the kind of boy to put out before the first date.
And then they all four live happily ever after, and Brendon gets spanked twice a week because Spencer’s a dominatrix.
Panic! At The Disco; Brendon Urie/Ryan Ross, Jon walker/Ryan Ross
R;
For starters: the novel description that this was written from was not my first novel description. The first one I got was
It was every mother's worst nightmare. Annie's son had been swapped at birth! But it got worse: her charismatic ex-boss, Brant Cadman, was raising her real son-and she his! Brant made Annie an irresistible proposition-marry him. Annie knew both their sons needed their mom and dad. Plus, she couldn't deny the intense physical attraction between them…
And it sucked. You can see right there that it totally sucks. And then I started finding out that other people had HOOKERS and MAIL ORDER BRIDES and all kinds of good shit like that, and I was like, shit man, I got GYPPED. For some reason I kept thinking “mpreg!” and I would say “but I’m not ready to DO mpreg!” I even told my mom this.
(For the record: My mother’s solution to mpreg is “genderswap”. I am not even kidding you. I was telling her about this, and then about how I was going to have to write mpreg - because I talk to my mom about my fic, I don’t know. She used to read my Harry Potter fic, but I digress - and she was like, “what if you turn them into girls, and then they have the baby, and turn back into a boy!” and I was like, “mom, that’s not actually mpreg if they’re a boy. I’m thinking more like, assbabies.” True story.)
Bailey York needs a man. But only on paper. She's writing a romance novel and she's having difficulty creating a hero. So she needs a real-life model for her story. Parker Davidson is perfect, everything a hero should be. But he wants to become the hero in her life, not just her book. And not just on Valentine's Day, either!
The longer Brendon laughed, the angrier Ryan got.
I ain’t gonna lie, it took me, I swear to God, hours to come up with that one line. I opened this document three days in a row and didn’t do shit with it, and oh, hey, there we go. So simple, yet so hard.
Spencer could tell, because when Ryan had walked into the room and announced his plan with a grand, sweeping gesture, Ryan had had a smile on his face. There was a downbeat of silence after Ryan said "I'm going to write a romance novel."
Which is really not that ridiculous, since now he’s writing a ‘bedtime story for adults’. Or a fairytale. I think you’re fulla shit, RyRo.
Then Brendon had started laughing, and Spencer had watched the smile fade, then disappear. Then he'd watched Ryan's eyebrows slide lower over his eyes and knit together and Brendon was crying he was laughing so hard. And Spencer, who thought it was ridiculous himself but would never say that, just sat there and watched Ryan get angrier and angrier. Spencer briefly wondered if Ryan would try to break up with Brendon again. It wouldn't work, of course, because it hadn't worked yet, and the tally that Spencer kept on the bulletin board in his room read something like ten times at this point.
"Get out of my apartment," Ryan finally snapped.
Spencer raised an eyebrow at Ryan. "Our apartment," Ryan amended. Spencer took a deep breath and started silently counting to ten.
One… two…
"What?" Brendon asked. ( Three… four… )
"Get out of our apartment," Ryan repeated, slowly and clearly like Brendon ( Five… six… seven… ) was a little kid or learning disabled. "Get out and we're done.”
( Eight… nine… )
"Ryan," Brendon said, sitting up. ( Ten, thought Spencer. ) Brendon's face fell into a full on pout, brown eyes wide and sweet and innocent, and this was the exact reason why Ryan could never stick to breaking up with him. Seven of the ten times they'd tried it so far, Ryan had caved in under the force of the puppy-dog eyes.
And now it was eight out of eleven.
I imagine this is how all the fights Ryan and Brendon have happen. Ryan gets pissed, Brendon gives him puppyface, Ryan caves. He thinks he’d be immune right now, but no. Every single time. Those are the fights that don’t start with Brendon flouncing off like a five year old.
"Brendon," Ryan said, sitting down on the couch and looking at Brendon very, very seriously. "I want to do this."
"Okay, fine, but I still think it's funny. I mean, you're a dude. No one's going to read a romance novel written by a dude, baby, no offense," Brendon said.
"I'll use a pseudonym," Ryan said.
"A what?" Brendon asked.
I don’t think I meant to make Brendon that stupid.
"A fake name," Spencer said. Another eyeroll. He didn't think that Ryan was going to be able to write a novel, either, but not because he was a guy.
"Oh. Well. Why a romance novel, Ryan, seriously," Brendon asked. It just wasn't really computing for him. Women wrote romance novels, and women read romance novels. Not pretty boys who were trying to get into veterinary school. "Why not like. Sci-Fi. Crime. Murder mysteries."
"Because I'm pretty sure you don't actually have to be able to write to write romances," Ryan said, wrinkling his nose up a little bit as he thought about it.
"So what's your point?" Spencer asked, watching both of them. "You can write."
"That's beside the point," Ryan said.
"Are you sure you don't just want to like, write a romance novel because you want to write a romance novel?" Brendon asked. "Because I have seen that book that you stick under the edge of the mattress because you don't want me to know you're reading it."
"The one with Fabio on the cover," Spencer added.
"Oh my God shut up it does not have Fabio on the cover," Ryan said.
"But you're not denying the fact that it exists," Brendon said.
I have, in my lifetime, discovered that the books with the bodice-ripper covers (such as the ones that feature Fabio), tend to, well, suck. If it has a muscle-bound dude and a half-naked chick on the cover, I won’t read it. Actually, if it wasn’t written by Jude Deveraux, I won’t read it. Plain as that. She is the only romance author I’ll read. Except for Mary Janice Davidson, but that’s because hers are funny. And they have vampires! Does Laurell K Hamilton count?
Ryan's mouth opened and closed a few times before Brendon tackled him backward onto the couch, laughing and kissing his neck. Ryan allowed himself to be pushed over dumbly.
"I can't believe you read that trash," Spencer said, and stood up, going into his bedroom to update the tally.
Don’t go around telling people I read LKH, guys. But Mistral’s Kiss was really good. It only had two sex scenes!
***
"So what do you think?" Ryan asked, his fingers laced around a cup of coffee. Spencer sat in the seat across the table from him, picking at a blueberry muffin.
"I think it sounds an awfully lot like your personal life," Spencer said. "You're writing fiction, Ry, not… whatever."
Ryan sighed and squirmed in his seat. "Okay, but, the main character's a girl."
"You're a girl," Spencer said, poking a piece of muffin into his mouth. Ryan kicked him under the table.
"Dick," he said.
"Bitch," Spencer retorted. Ryan sipped his coffee and sighed.
It’s real love when you can good-naturedly call your friends names. I prefer h00r. Which I say like “hoo-er”. Like the crazy lady on Two and a Half Men. I also tell my roommate she’s going to hell a lot, but that’s mostly when she flirts with boys who have girlfriends.
"What if the girl is like. She finds someone else. This perfect man to just," Ryan waved his hand through the air, "sweep her away and ride her off into the sunset."
"You are so, so gay," Spencer said. Ryan flipped him off. The woman at the next table gave him a dirty look. Ryan flipped her off too and reached out, snatching part of Spencer's muffin away for himself.
On a white horse, possibly wearing armor. Ryan would be wearing the bodice. hyoukai and discussed the Renaissance Faire AU. Maybe I’ll write that one day.
"Yeah well. I guess that would explain Brendon, wouldn't it?" Ryan said. Spencer rolled his eyes.
"Something has to," Spencer said. Ryan pouted at him.
"Do you really not like him?" Ryan asked.
"Well. It's not that I don't like him, because I do like him, it's just that… he's a shitty boyfriend. He'd be fantastic as a friend, but… he's… you could do so much better, Ry," Spencer said, then shook his head.
Ryan crossed his arms and looked down at the tabletop, not wanting to talk about this. They'd talked about this before, and he didn't want to talk about it again, not now, not ever.
"So she rides off into the sunset with her hero, huh?" Spencer said after a few minutes and a few bites of muffin. "What's her hero like?"
"I dunno," Ryan said. "He's nice. He's her perfect man."
"Bet he doesn't wear girl's jeans, does he," Spencer said.
"No. No he doesn't," Ryan said quietly, taking another sip of his coffee, staring absently out the window.
***
"Ryan," Brendon said sleepily, rubbing at his eyes and shifting to squint at the alarm clock. "Oh my God, are you ever going to sleep?" He flopped facedown into Ryan's pillows.
"I am working," Ryan said, sounding a little bit annoyed. "I have to work now while the idea is there. I don't have school or anything tomorrow, anyway."
"I do," Brendon said, turning his head back to look at Ryan.
"Then you shouldn't have stayed over here. You knew what I was going to be doing."
Brendon made a frustrated noise and turned onto his side, facing away from the lit screen of Ryan's computer.
He was asleep when Ryan finally gave up and went to bed. He was gone before Ryan woke up that afternoon.
***
Ryan had never heard music so loud in a Starbucks. Of course, it was just after nine and he was on his way back to his and Spencer's apartment for some hardcore "staring blankly at his word-document because he sure as hell didn't have a hero yet" time, but first he needed coffee. The barista danced up to the counter and flashed Ryan a huge smile.
"We're having a dance party," he told Ryan, his apron declaring him to be Jon. His smile was so nice that Ryan couldn't help but smile back. "What can I get for you this fine evening? Or can I interest you in my super secret special drink?"
Ryan stared at him for a moment. He was definitely attractive, and the way he was looking at Ryan made him think that he was flirting, but Ryan couldn't be sure. One thing he did know, was that he'd never had a barista this animated before.
"Sure," Ryan finally said. "Hit me with it."
Jon grinned like Ryan had made his day and danced behind the computer, punching buttons at lightning speed to print the sticker for Ryan's cup. "It's been so slow today," Jon said conversationally as Ryan stood there waiting, and as they completed the transaction. "So we're just trying to amuse ourselves so that we don't go crazy, you know?" Jon folded Ryan's fingers up around his change as Ryan got distracted watching one of the other baristas dancing as she made drinks. "You're welcome to dance with us!"
Ryan just stared at him in shock, his hand still held out. Jon just laughed. "Or not," he said. "But seriously. Dancing."
"Dancing," Ryan repeated, finally thinking to retract his hand. Jon shook his head but he kept smiling watching Ryan as Ryan stood there.
"You get your drink down there," Jon said, trying to motivate Ryan in that direction. Ryan blinked at him, then he smiled back at Jon just as brightly before dancing his way right down to the pickup counter. That made Jon smile even more, and he went back to get Ryan's drink.
He returned and handed the drink to Ryan. "It'll be good, I promise. And I wrote you a note." Ryan just smiled at him and took the drink, dropping a couple of dollars into the tip jar.
"Thank you," he said. "Have fun with your dance party."
"We will!" Jon said brightly and went back to business behind the counter, dancing around all the while. Ryan wished that his job was half that much fun, but he had suspicions that this job wasn't this much fun all of the time. He headed toward the door.
He didn't look at Jon's note until he was back in the car and getting ready to head home. Only then did he even think to look.
Jon's Super Special Secret Drink, it said underneath the sticker that read what the drink was. And underneath that -- a phone number. Ryan felt his skin heat up. Holy shit, he thought. Jon the Barista had given him his phone number.
He drove home with a smile on his face.
Okay, sometimes I take stuff that happened in real life and I incorporate it, especially if it was something so awesome as this. I went to the Starbucks in the city where my school is, and it was like, 9 pm on a Sunday night, and I ordered a mocha with a shot of raspberry. And the girl on the drive through said “oh my gosh, that’s almost my special drink!” and she told me this story about how someone had come in and taught them this stuff (the SB had just opened), and he had a special drink, and this girl had decided that she wanted to do it.
Anyway, I was in the drive through, not the store, and I pulled up to the window, and the music was actually pretty loud, for a Starbucks, and dudes - all of the baristas were dancing, and it was pretty great. Anyway, so I got the drink, and the girl - Hilary - told me that I should come back and join their dance party. I didn’t, but I did tip her pretty well because she kind of made my night. Anyway, I’d never had a barista that great (three of four times I’ve been in there recently, I’ve ended up with the wrong drink), and I decided that Jon Walker would BE that awesome. Jon Walker IS that awesome.
***
"So some random guy working at Starbucks gave you his number?" Brendon was asking, eyeing the cup that was sitting on the kitchen table with a murderous glare. Ryan rolled his eyes and regretted leaving it there the night before. He should've finished it, or at least thrown it away. "Did you flirt with him? Why would he give you his number?"
Brendon Urie is a dick. What the hell? Brendon/Ryan is my otp, and yet.
Ryan had an extreme dislike for this sort of interrogation thing. He didn't do it. He got jealous, sure, but it was the sort of jealousy that just kind of festered, and not the kind where he got up in Brendon's face and demanded the answers to questions.
"Because Ryan danced," Spencer said from where he was standing with the refrigerator door open.
"Shut up, Spencer," Brendon said, not even bothering to look at the other boy. One of Spencer's eyebrows arched up and he looked at Ryan.
"Brendon, if you're going to fucking act like this, just go home, okay?" Ryan said. "I'm tired and I don't feel like dealing with your high school shit right now."
Brendon's mouth formed an angry little circle and he stared at Ryan for a moment. Then he stormed out of the kitchen. Spencer had to duck down into the refrigerator, pretending to look for something that he'd already found, in effort to keep from laughing where either Ryan or Brendon could hear it. He had just straightened up when Brendon stomped back in, snatched up the cup, crumpled it up as tightly as he could, then threw it into the garbage. Spencer watched with his eyes a little wide as Brendon stomped back out.
Brendon Urie is also immature. This is real life, though. Someday I’m going to write a scene where he gets pissed and tells someone to suck his cock. Because he does that, you guys.
This time, Ryan stood up and followed him, not stomping but Spencer could tell that he was close to it. He heard the door slam and the sound of the locks clicking into place. Ryan had locked Brendon out. Spencer wondered how long it would stick and was glad that he'd been able to talk Ryan out of giving Brendon a key. If Brendon had a key, Spencer figured that he'd spend more time there. And then Spencer would have to hire someone to kill him. ( Spencer would never do it himself. Too messy. )
He waited a few minutes and then grabbed a soda for the both of them, walking to the living room and holding out the one for Ryan. "Here," he said, before sitting down beside his best friend, who was sitting on the couch with his arms crossed over his chest, staring straight ahead into space. Ryan unfolded his arms and took the soda, but didn't look at Spencer.
"I wrote the number down. It's on the marker board on the fridge," Spencer told Ryan. "You know, just in case."
"Thanks, but I have a boyfriend," Ryan said, a little mechanical.
"And he's an ass. What's the worst that's going to happen if you call this guy, Ryan?" Spencer asked.
"I'm not going to cheat on my boyfriend," Ryan said, still mechanical.
"Oh, for Christ's sake, Ryan, I'm not asking you to cheat on your boyfriend. Talk to the Starbucks guy. From the story you told he sounded like a complete blast. At least enough that you wanted to make him your hero," Spencer said. "Come on. Call him. Go back to the Starbucks and ask him if he wants to hang out or something. That does not mean that you're cheating on Brendon."
"Except it totally does," Ryan said moodily. Spencer sighed.
"Fine, it does. Dump Brendon," Spencer said flatly.
"Thanks, Spence," Ryan said, standing up and letting the unopened soda fall to the floor. He stormed into his bedroom and slammed the door.
Spencer wondered how upset Ryan would be if Spencer put out a hit on Brendon anyway.
Spencer Smith, also kind of a dick. Or at least, not a very understanding friend. Ryan’s in love! Spencer should support him! Only not.
***
Spencer went with Ryan the next time he went to Starbucks. He had to see this amazing barista for himself, and he was pretty sure that he’d be disappointed if the guy wasn’t there.
He was, and he had a bright smile for Ryan when he walked up to the counter. “Well hello,” he said, smiling. His eyes flicked over to Spencer and he smiled at him as well, but Spencer noticed it was a little disappointed. Was he thinking Spencer was Ryan’s boyfriend? Was he wondering if that was why Ryan hadn’t called?
Ryan couldn’t meet Jon’s eyes. Spencer hoped that he’d gone in his room and thought seriously about the whole Brendon issue. And he hoped that Ryan had come to the conclusion that he needed to dump Brendon and take a chance on the nice coffee slinging boy. It didn’t hurt that Jon was pretty much gorgeous in a way that Brendon wasn’t ever going to be. If Ryan wouldn’t take the chance, maybe Spencer would.
Ryan ordered and Jon asked for his name. There were more people in the shop this time, and maybe he asked for it because he needed to know it to make sure that Ryan got the right drink. Spencer thought it might be because he wanted to know Ryan’s name and hadn’t gotten it before when there hadn’t been anyone in the shop to get him confused with.
“I ha-“ Ryan opened his mouth to say, and Spencer kicked him hard in the ankle, smiling all the while, pretending to be innocent and looking up at the menu. “Ow!” Jon raised his eyebrow and looked over at Spencer.
Ryan had a bruise the size of a grapefruit later. He’s delicate.
“His name is Ryan,” Spencer said smoothly.
“Ryan, then,” Jon said, writing it on the cup. “Did you like my drink?”
“Yes,” Ryan said. He’d liked it very much, actually.
“And you saw my note,” Jon asked. Ryan nodded. Jon looked at him for a moment, then didn’t say anything else. He looked up at Spencer. “What can I get for you?”
Spencer smiled and ordered. “Spencer,” he added, and Jon nodded and wrote it down on the cup. Ryan moved out of the way and down to the other end of the counter to wait while Spencer paid. Jon finished up there then passed the cups to someone else before walking down to where Ryan was standing.
“Hey,” he said. Ryan looked up at him and Spencer wondered why Ryan looked like Jon might bite him, even though all he was doing was leaning on the counter. “I’m sorry, if I, you know, overstepped. You know, when I gave you my number.”
“No, you didn’t,” Ryan said quickly. It had felt great to get the number!
“I was kind of hoping you’d call,” Jon said, looking at Ryan.
“My boyfriend threw the cup in the garbage when he saw the number.”
“Oh.”
After Ryan said that, Jon turned away and went back to check on the drinks. Spencer slapped Ryan hard on the arm. “Are you stupid?” Spencer asked him. “He seriously wants to hang out with you and you keep-“
He had a bruise on his arm, too. Spencer should really not hit him so hard. Or so much. It’s kind of like domestic violence or something.
Ryan slapped Spencer back. “I have a boyfriend, Spencer. I am not going to dump my boyfriend just to go out with some Starbucks barista who’s cute and gave me his number,” Ryan snapped.
“Your boyfriend treats you like shit,” Spencer hissed at him as Jon came back with Ryan’s drink. Ryan turned around and took it from Jon with a tense ‘thank you’ before just walking right out of the store. “Son of a …” Spencer started, then leaned back against the counter and sighed, rubbing his hands across his face.
“Dude, are you all right?” Jon asked him. Spencer turned around and managed a little bit of a smile for Jon.
“Yeah. We have this argument all the time. His boyfriend’s a dick. I saved your number.” Spencer just shrugged. “I was kind of hoping that he’d just go for it.”
“I can’t blame him for not wanting to just dump his boyfriend for some random guy he met in a store, though,” Jon said. He understood it. He totally did.
“What’s stupid is I think Ryan was saving the number. He didn’t throw the cup away himself. He waited until Brendon saw it and then he got all jealous about it, and Ryan told him to get out if he was going to act like that, because seriously, seriously it’s just - I think I’m telling you all of this because it was your phone number.” Spencer was a little surprised at himself, but he was so frustrated with the Brendon thing that he was having a hard time being around Ryan anyway.
Jon just offered up Spencer’s drink. “I’m sorry,” Jon said. “I didn’t even think about it, you know? I just thought, hey, he’s cute, he went along with my dance party thing, what’s it going to hurt? I didn’t think about him having a boyfriend.”
“Yeah, well, there wouldn’t be a problem if he hadn’t wanted to do something with that number,” Spencer said.
“But you saved it,” Jon said.
“I saved it. It’s written on the marker board on our refrigerator,” Spencer said, then smiled because he was proud of himself for thinking about that. “And I want him to call you.”
“But.” Jon said.
“But I don’t think that he’ll do it because of Brendon,” Spencer said.
“You make it all sound so tragic when you say it like that,” Jon said with a little bit of a laugh.
“Yeah, I know. Just… I know that I don’t know you, and I know it’s a lot to ask, but if you could please, please be awesome and just… is it too much to ask that you like, steal him away from his boyfriend?” Spencer asked. Jon actually laughed at him. “Yeah, that’s stupid isn’t it. But he’s driving me crazy. Both of them are driving me crazy.”
“I’m not going to make you any promises,” Jon said. Spencer’s eyebrows raised and his eyes went wide with surprise.
“I like you so much that I want you for myself,” Spencer said. “Now I’m going to make sure that the drama queen didn’t run out into traffic.”
Jon laughed as Spencer turned and hurried out of the shop.
***
“So tell me about your book,” Brendon said, walking up behind Ryan where he was sitting at his computer, pecking away at the keyboard. He slid his arms around Ryan’s shoulders and kissed the back of his neck.
“I’m busy,” Ryan said. He was. Brendon leaned closer so that he could actually read what Ryan was writing.
“Are you writing porn?” Brendon asked. Ryan tried to bat him off.
“No,” Ryan said, but it sounded vaguely uncertain.
“I dunno, Ry, stuff about throbbing members and thrusting sounds awfully like porn to me,” Brendon said. Ryan slapped blindly at him, minimizing his document.
I could. Not. Help. Myself. What’s a romance novel cliché without some throbbing members?
“It’s a love scene,” Ryan said tensely.
I bet that’s what Laurell K. Hamilton says too.
“It’s porn,” Brendon said, leaning down and kissing the side of Ryan’s neck. “Stop writing it and come make it with me.”
“Brendon. Seriously. I’m going to write this. I need you to just let me write this,” Ryan said, still trying to push Brendon away from him. “Please, Brendon, let me do this.”
“I think you need to give up this stupid book thing,” Brendon said, crossing his arms over his chest and going into a pout. “I think you need to give up the book thing and go back to being my boyfriend.”
“If you keep acting like this, I’m not even going to want to be your boyfriend anymore,” Ryan said, turning around and looking up at Brendon.
Brendon’s mouth fell open and Ryan just looked at him silently.
“So that’s how it’s going to be,” Brendon said, and Ryan could see his cheeks getting red, getting angry.
“I’m not just your boyfriend, Brendon,” Ryan said. “I can’t just be your boyfriend. You have to let me do what I want to do and you have to respect that. We’re not. We’re adults and I can’t handle you acting like you’re in high school, okay?”
“Fine,” Brendon said, and Ryan knew that he was upset. But he was just going to have to be upset because Ryan just couldn’t deal with his attitude right then. Ryan had school, he had work, and he had things that he wanted to do and Brendon didn’t seem willing to make himself fit into the time there was instead of trying to take up all of it. “Fine, Ryan. But when you decide that you know, you’re ready to actually have a relationship, let me know. Maybe we’ll get back together.”
“… excuse me?” Ryan said. “Get out of my apartment, okay? Just go. We’re done.”
That ultimatum shit don’t fly ‘round these parts.
“Yeah, we are,” Brendon said, and stormed out of Ryan’s room, almost taking Spencer down in the hallway.
“Ow,” Spencer said, his voice rising up in question as Brendon stormed out. He went into Ryan’s room. “What was that about?”
“We’re done,” Ryan said. “I can’t. I can’t do this with him anymore, Spencer. He doesn’t get it! He’s still trying to … he wants to still be a teenager and I can’t do that anymore.”
“He is a teenager, Ryan,” Spencer said.
“So are you and you don’t act like that,” Ryan said.
“Yeah, well, I’m not a drama queen either,” Spencer said, sitting down on the edge of the bed. Ryan sniffled. He wasn’t going to cry. He wasn’t going to let this make him cry.
“Now I don’t know what to do,” Ryan said, and he sniffed again.
“Well, don’t let him make you cry, for starters,” Spencer said, frowning. They’d been over this and over this and over this. He was sick and tired of seeing Ryan get all upset over it just to get back with Brendon to be tortured a little bit more.
“I’m not,” Ryan said, but his voice sounded strained and Spencer knew that he was about to cry.
“And when you’re through with being upset, go call Jon and ask him if he wants to go out for pizza or something,” Spencer said. Ryan frowned.
“I can’t just go call another guy when I just broke up with my boyfriend,” Ryan snapped at him.
“Maybe not today. But a couple of days from now, or something. Don’t make him your rebound. Just hang out and get to know him. That’s all I want you to do, Ryan.”
“Fine,” Ryan said. Spencer nodded and walked over, leaned down and hugged him, then walked out of the room. Ryan turned back to his novel and looked at it for a moment, before starting to work again, occasionally reaching up to scrub tears off his cheeks.
***
“So her boyfriend dumps her,” Ryan said, “and she’s all upset, and she goes to this café and she’s just sitting there, staring at her coffee and there’s this gorgeous waiter and he comes up and starts talking to her.”
“Uh huh,” Spencer says. He’s driving. Ryan’s sitting in the passenger seat and he looks pale and unhappy and hasn’t been out of his room all weekend until he had to go to class that morning. He’d even called in sick to work. Spencer was forcing him to go out to dinner.
I decided, for some reason, that veterinary school would be A+ for Ryan. I guess this is based on the fact that he worked in that kennel or something. I don’t know where this shit comes from, sometimes.
“And he’s like, everything that her boyfriend wasn’t. And she falls madly, desperately in love with him,” Ryan finished. Spencer looked over at Ryan, his eyes hidden behind his sunglasses.
“So what’s the twist,” Spencer asked. Because that couldn’t be all, could it? It wouldn’t make for a very good read unless Ryan could write scorchingly hot sex scenes, which Spencer somehow doubted.
“Her ex-boyfriend is a psycho and doesn’t want to let her go. He keeps showing up at her house and trying to get her back but really he’s just coming off as a psycho? I can’t decide if maybe he breaks in and tries to like. I don’t know, hurt her or kill her or whatever. And her new man is there to save her,” Ryan explained.
Brendon’s not a psycho, fortunately.
“I think I’ve read that one,” Spencer said, twisting in his seat to check behind him before merging over.
“Fuck you! You have not!” Ryan said. “Besides, you don’t read romance novels. You’re too good for them.”
“Damn right I am,” Spencer said.
And even if Spencer DID read romances, he’d never admit it to Ryan. Plus he hides them better than Ryan does.
“Where are we going, anyway?” Ryan asked, only vaguely familiar with the area they were driving through.
“Out, Ryan Ross, we are going out, because you spent the entire weekend locked in your bedroom either crying or tapping at that stupid novel. And yes, I did hear you crying, so don’t even try and lie.”
Ryan didn’t. They pulled into a pizza parlor a few minutes later, and Ryan was confused. “What are we -“ But Spencer had already gotten out of the car. Ryan made a frustrated little noise and got out after him. “I could be at home studying and we could’ve ordered in pizza, you know,” Ryan bitched as they walked into the building.
“Two?” the hostess asked them as they walked in. Ryan nodded his head.
“No, we’re meeting someone,” Spencer said, then smiled at her. “He’s right over there.”
Ryan was horrified to realize that Spencer had brought him here to meet Jon. Ryan reached out and pinched Spencer hard in the ribs. “What the hell is wrong with you? I’ve been broken up with my boyfriend for two days and you’re trying to set me up with someone else?”
“No,” Spencer said, rolling his eyes. “I have been trying to set you up with someone else since before you broke up with your boyfriend.” At that, he just grabbed Ryan by the wrist and dragged him back to the table where Jon was already sitting tucked into one side of the booth. Spencer pushed Ryan into the opposite side and slid in to trap him there. Ryan glared at him.
“Hi,” Jon said, and smiled at the both of them.
“I’m sure you remember Ryan,” Spencer said smoothly.
“Of course,” Jon said, and he and Spencer were co-conspirators in this whole deal. Ryan felt thoroughly betrayed.
Ryan sat there silently for a good twenty minutes while Spencer and Jon carried on an animated conversation. He didn’t want to talk. He wanted to be at home with his computer and his textbooks and he didn’t want to be out with some other boy when he was still upset over the fact that he’d just broken up with his boyfriend and his best friend was betraying him by dragging him out and lying to his face.
Well, okay, Spencer hadn’t lied, really. He’d just omitted large portions of information that Ryan really needed to know. He’d also kind of manhandled Ryan to get him into the car and Ryan really did bruise kind of like a pretty little peach and he was sure that he had rings of Spencer’s-finger-shaped bruises around the top of his arms.
See? Domestic violence.
“So, Ryan, Spencer told me that you’re writing a book,” Jon said suddenly, and Ryan snapped around to look at Spencer, horrified. How could Spencer tell him about the book? How could he do that, especially since Spencer knew that Ryan was using Jon as the basis for his hero?
“Um, yeah,” Ryan said. He really didn’t want to talk about it. Spencer thought it was dumb, and Spencer was his best friend. Brendon thought it was dumb and now they were broken up. Ryan couldn’t imagine how Jon wouldn’t think it was dumb. “It kind of sucks, though.”
“Yeah, but from what I can tell, most romance novels do,” Jon said.
“Spencer!” Ryan said loud enough that people actually turned to look. He blushed and sank down in the seat, pretending he didn’t exist. “Spencer Smith, I fucking hate you. Why’d you tell him that?”
“Uh. Because it’s true?” Spencer said. “Stop being a girl and sit up straight, jeez.”
“Whatever you say, mom,” Ryan said, pushing his feet against the seat so that he popped back up.
“You’re like a little kid. And you called Brendon out on being a high schooler. I didn’t raise you to be a hypocrite,” Spencer said.
Ryan’s face registered a look of shock and horror at what his best friend had just said. Spencer could tell Ryan wasn’t sure whether to hit Spencer or start cracking up. He settled for a bit of a snicker and a really hard smack on the arm. Jon was just sitting there, watching them and laughing. It made Ryan’s skin heat up even more and he made a mental note to kill Spencer later.
“Hey Jon, do you have a pen?” Ryan asked. Jon shook his head. Fortunately, the waitress walked by just then. “Hey, um, ma’am? Do you have a pen I can borrow for a second?” The girl smiled and pulled a pen out of her apron and handed it to Ryan. He snatched up a clean napkin and guarded it with his arm as he set to work writing or drawing something on it. A minor scuffle broke out when Spencer decided that he wanted to see and yelped when Ryan shoved him halfway out into the floor.
In the end, it was nothing more than a note that read Note to self: kill Spencer in his sleep. Make sure it looks like suicide. Too pretty for prison. in rough scrawl with a ridiculous X-rated drawing underneath it. Ryan pushed it across the table to Jon.
I like to imagine that the drawing Ryan does somehow involves a cock. And a stick figure that is labeled “Spence”. Complete with an arrow. Or possibly, a monkey fucking a coconut.
“Keep it safe,” Ryan said. Jon grinned and folded it carefully, tucking it into his hoodie pocket.
Every time I see this line, my brain helpfully says “keep it secret, keep it safe.”
“Jon!” Spencer said, his eyes wide, clutching his hands to his chest. “How could you betray me like this?”
“Well, Spencer, it was easy,” Jon said. “I didn’t want to hurt my chances. Therefore, I had to side with Ryan.”
“… well played, Jon Walker. Well played,” Spencer said, eyeing the other boy across the table. Then he looked over at Ryan who was ducking his head. On further inspection, Spencer realized that Ryan was actually blushing. “I’ll be right back,” Spencer said, tossing his napkin onto the bench and heading toward the bathroom in a bid to leave Ryan and Jon alone together. He just wished that he’d be able to watch and see what happened.
“So,” Jon said, once Spencer was gone. Ryan looked up at him, suddenly nervous to be left alone with Jon. “Um. Spencer kind of. He’s a little forceful. I mean. No offense to him or anything but he really, really wanted you to break up with your boyfriend.”
“I know,” Ryan said, then sighed, rolling his eyes. “I didn’t want to be here. Not tonight. We only broke up a few days ago, you know, so.”
“I’m not asking you to do anything but give me a chance,” Jon said. “You don’t have to do it right now, but I just wanted to tell you. Before you got back with him.”
“You’re assuming a whole lot, you know,” Ryan said. “Like, that I want to give you a chance at all.”
“If you didn’t, you wouldn’t have kept my number,” Jon said. Ryan opened his mouth to say something, but just let it close again. He didn’t have anything witty to come back with against that.
“Okay, fine,” Ryan said after a moment. “What are you going to do for me, Jon Walker?”
“I’m going to be your knight in shining armor, Ryan Ross,” Jon said, perfectly serious as he looked at Ryan. Ryan even almost cracked a smile.
Spencer Smith has a big mouth. But yes. Knight in shining armor, white horse, riding off into the sunset, Ryan in a bodice, you know the drill.
They both went quiet as Spencer returned to the table.
***
"Ryan, if you don't start getting ready right now you're not going to be ready when Jon gets here," Spencer said. Ryan was sitting at his computer, typing frantically, unshowered and still in his pajamas. Spencer was leaning in the doorway, hip popped and arms crossed. "Actually, you're probably not going to be ready anyway."
"Shut up, shut up!" Ryan said, waving one hand at Spencer, waving him off.
"I really think that you going on a date is more important than your novel."
"What kind of best friend are you that you won't support my endeavors? We could get rich off of this, you know."
"Ryan. It's a romance novel. We're not going to get rich off it, you idiot."
"See? And again, I'm sitting here questioning your quality as a best friend," Ryan pointed out, finally turning to look at Spencer.
"Yeah, well, see, as your best friend, I'm telling you that you need to ditch the novel for tonight and go out with the hot barista who's going to be here in half an hour," Spencer said. "And let me put emphasis on hot. As in, if you don't want him I am going to take him for myself."
“Spencer, I would really like to finish this one day -“
“Ryan,” Spencer said, and gave Ryan his patented Death Glare. Ryan was really immune to it, and just looked at Spencer blankly. “Okay, seriously. Go out with the boy. I promise the novel will be waiting here when you get back.”
“You won’t throw the computer out the window? Because I’ll be super fucking pissed if you tear up my computer,” Ryan said.
“I’ll just delete the file,” Spencer said dryly.
“I have a backup.”
“Yeah, I know. It’s stuck between the mattresses like you used to do with your diary when we were little.”
“It was not a fucking diary, Spencer Smith.”
“Your journal, whatever. Go take a shower. You’re starting to reek.”
This was funnier before I’d heard Ryan actually call his diary a diary. Be more gay, Ryan Ross, seriously.
“Fuck you,” Ryan said, but he got up and hurried to go take a shower anyway. Spencer actually sprayed down the room with air freshener just to drive Ryan crazy before going to wait in the living room. Odds were, Jon would get there and Ryan would only be half dressed. Or still in the shower.
Sure enough, when Jon arrived, Ryan had just gotten out of the shower. He was in the hallway in his towel when he heard Spencer opening the door with a greeting.
“Oh shit!” he yelped before thinking about it, and scrambled into his room.
“He was just, you know, terribly busy,” Spencer said, pretending to be completely serious.
“Oh, the novel,” Jon said, nodding like he really knew.
“It’s going to make him rich,” Spencer continued.
“… it’s a romance novel.”
“He’s delusional.”
“Good thing he’s pretty, then.”
“I hate you both,” Ryan yelled, walking back across the hall into the bathroom and slamming the door behind him.
“Look, you’re causing drama already!” Spencer said gleefully to Jon. “I like you. Please stay.”
Jon just laughed and he and Spencer sat down on the couch to wait.
He likes it when Jon causes drama, because it’s fun drama. For Spencer. Whereas when Brendon caused drama, it ended in tears.
***
Spencer was asleep on the couch when Ryan came in. Well, when Ryan tried to sneak in. The sound of the door clicking shut woke him up, and he blinked rapidly, looking at Ryan.
“What time is it?” Spencer asked, still half asleep.
“Like… two?” Ryan said. He twisted his wrist and looked at his watch as he locked the door back. “Yeah, two.”
“I thought you and Jon were just going to dinner?” Spencer said, rubbing his hand across his face.
“We did,” Ryan said, and Spencer noticed that he kept his head down as he walked across the living room and down the hall to his bedroom. Spencer got up and followed him.
“Dinner for… seven hours, Ryan?” Spencer asked. Ryan was taking off his jacket by the light of his novel on the computer screen.
“We decided to go to a movie, too,” Ryan added.
“Okay, still, seven hours. Unless you saw the Lord of the Rings, the most that a movie’s going to take up is two hours, Ry. So even if you had, like, a really long dinner, you’re only accounting for about four hours. Factor in driving times, and there’s still two hours unaccounted for,” Spencer said, then smiled, proud of himself.
“Are you going to math me to death?” Ryan asked.
This fic was beta’d by iphignia939. She likes my use of math as a verb. I like her use of everything. You should go and read her stuff instead of this commentary or something.
“Why are you changing in the dark?” Spencer asked, suddenly thinking that maybe, just maybe, he had a clue about what was going on.
“I’m not. The computer’s on,” Ryan said.
Spencer reached out and flipped the light on so that he could get a good look at Ryan. Ryan’s hand snapped up and he ducked his head down, as though he were hiding something.
“Please tell me you’re not trying to hide a hickey,” Spencer said.
“I’m not,” Ryan said.
“Ryan, you know I’m not going to like, judge you or something if you do, right,” Spencer said seriously. “I mean, lots of girls put out on the first date, that doesn’t mean that they’re sluts …”
“I have beard burn on my neck and I am not a slut.” Ryan said, walking over and poking Spencer hard in the chest. Spencer reached up and rubbed the offending spot.
“You do have beard burn,” Spencer said, looking at Ryan’s neck. Ryan reached up and clapped a hand over it.
“You called me a girl,” Ryan said.
“You are a girl.”
So far, I’ve called Ryan a girl twice, and a bitch once. I’m kind of mean to him, considering how much I like him.
“I hate you, Spencer Smith.”
“That’s unfortunate, because I love you, Ryan Ross.”
Spencer threw his arms around Ryan and squeezed him tight, making Ryan squeak for air and try to push Spencer off.
***
“Ryan, I need to talk to you. Call me back, okay?”
Ryan just kept looking down at his phone as the automated voicemail told him that, to delete the message, he could press seven, and to hear it again, press one.
“Don’t call him,” Spencer said. Ryan looked up at Spencer.
“I miss him,” Ryan said. He didn’t mean to say it. It just slipped out. And it was true, besides.
“Yeah, but you broke up a month ago,” Spencer said logically. “And he hasn’t made any effort to talk to you since then. And you’ve been out with Jon, like, five times since then, three of the five times after which you came home with beard burn.”
“But Brendon -“
“But you’re actually happy when you’re with Jon. You don’t fight with Jon.”
“I’ve only been going out with Jon for like, a week,” Ryan said, and disconnected the call to his voicemail. Spencer noticed that he didn’t delete the message.
“You were fighting with Brendon in less than a week when you started going out, if I remember correctly,” Spencer said. Ryan put the phone down on the couch cushion between them and sighed.
“I still miss him,” Ryan said, shrugging slightly. Spencer just sighed as well and they went silent for a while. Ryan fidgeted around a little before looking over at Spencer. “I finished my novel,” he finally said.
“Really?” Spencer said, completely shocked. Ryan nodded. “What are you going to do with it?”
“I don’t know. Just leave it on my computer, I guess. I have midterms coming up.” Ryan scratched his head a little bit, watching Spencer.
“Is it good? I mean, you said that you were going to sell it and make us rich, right?” Spencer asked. Ryan could see the wheels turning in his head, little dollar signs dancing across his eyes.
“Spencer, I was just joking, you know? I … I didn’t actually think that it’d mean anything, you know? I just wanted to do it,” Ryan said, then shrugged slightly.
“Excuse me, what? I’ve had to suffer through all of this time with you writing that stupid novel, breaking up with Brendon and finding Jon and getting together with him and doing nothing otherwise but work on that stupid, stupid novel, and now you’re not going to do anything with it?” Spencer asked. “No. No sir, you are going to do something with it.”
Spencer Smith is a management major.
“Spencer…” Ryan said, and rolled his eyes. “I’m going to go study. You know, for my midterms.”
“You do that, Ryan,” Spencer said.
Ryan picked up his phone and went into his room. Spencer got up and went to his own room. He was on a mission, now.
***
“What did you want?” Ryan said quietly.
“I wanted to talk to you. About what happened. You know,” Brendon said. “I didn’t mean what I said. About. You know, maybe having a relationship when you were done with the novel. I was just frustrated. Mostly because my boyfriend had been writing porn on his computer for like, … I don’t know. Too long.”
“I finished it,” Ryan said.
“What? Really? That was quick. I thought you’d still be trying to figure out your perfect hero,” Brendon said, a little startled. “So… do you want to maybe, you know, go out?”
“I… I found my perfect hero,” Ryan said.
“Me?” Brendon asked, then laughed.
“No,” Ryan said shortly. “Not you.”
“Ouch, Ry,” Brendon said. He actually sounded hurt.
It’s stupid that he sounds hurt. He’s stupid to sound hurt, because seriously, Brendon, you’re completely delusional if you think that you’re Ryan’s hero. Jeez.
“I’m seeing someone else,” Ryan blurted out. He heard Brendon’s sharp intake of breath.
“So that’s how it is? You break up with me and immediately start going out with another guy?” Brendon asked, his voice rising in volume and Ryan was sure that he was storming around the room. Ryan just took a deep breath and sighed it out.
“No, I didn’t immediately start going out with another guy. I sulked all week and Spencer forced me to go out for pizza with him and a friend. The friend was really nice, and he and I… went out on a date.”
“And you, what, slept with him to get over me?” Brendon asked.
Ouch. Jon Walker is not Ryan’s rebound. It’s true love. You know the drill, knight in shining armor, Ryan in a bodice, white horses and riding off into the sunset…
“God, I wish I hadn’t fucking called you, you know? You’re such a dick. I didn’t fucking sleep with him to get over you. I haven’t slept with him at all and we’ve been on several dates now,” Ryan snapped at him. “I wish everyone would quit acting like I’m some fucking whore who just sleeps with whoever.”
See? Ryan is not that kind of boy. He has … morals. And uh. Stuff.
“I didn’t say - why are you freaking out?” Brendon actually sounded a little horrified. Ryan felt the tiniest bit pleased at the way that sounded.
“Because I’m tired of the way you treat me, Brendon,” Ryan snapped. “You call me and tell me you need to talk to me and all you want is to get me back and then you ask me if I’ve fucked another guy and how is it ever okay to ask that?”
“I didn’t say it like that,” Brendon said.
“But you said it. You asked me if I slept with him to get over you,” Ryan snapped. “And no, Brendon, I didn’t. I went out with him because it made me happy to do so. I kissed him because it felt like the right thing to do. Because he’s not you. I don’t fight with him every five minutes, okay?”
And yeah, sure, they made out, but it was because it felt like the right thing to do. There was no touching below the belt.
“Ryan -“ Brendon started.
“So, you know, it’s none of your business what I do now, because we’re over. You decided to break up with me. You decided that you wouldn’t be with me because I was working on that novel. So that’s it, Brendon. You made that choice and you don’t get to un-make it.”
“But you finished the novel,” Brendon protested. “I told you, when it was finished, we could -“
“But you didn’t take into consideration that I might be with someone else,” Ryan said. “You didn’t take into consideration that there was already someone else that actually wanted to be with me. That you weren’t the only person who thought, oh, hey, he’s good looking, maybe I’ll take him out.”
“So it’s really over?” Brendon asked. His voice sounded pathetic, like he thought that that would make Ryan want to get back with him, just so he wouldn’t sound like that.
“It’s really over, Brendon,” Ryan said. And then he just disconnected the call. Brendon didn’t call back.
Spencer stood in the hallway, his hand poised to knock on Ryan’s door. He’d frozen up when he’d heard the things that Ryan had said. Maybe he was really going to stick to it this time. But right now, Ryan probably wanted to be alone.
Whatever Spencer had to say, no matter how exciting, that could wait until later.
***
Ryan was standing at the kitchen counter, staring blankly at the toaster while it did it’s job. Spencer wandered in and plopped down at the kitchen table. Ryan didn’t even turn around and look at him, and didn’t say anything. Just stood there with his shoulder slumped. The toast popped and Ryan fished it out, buttering it quickly. He actually jumped when he turned around and saw Spencer sitting there.
One day I’m writing a fic where someone’s Pop-Tart gets stuck in a toaster.
“Jesus,” he said. “How long have you been sitting there.”
“Long enough to wonder why you’re letting Brendon make you mope. Again,” Spencer said.
Especially since you have Jon Walker, Ryan, honestly.
“I really, really don’t want to talk about it,” Ryan said, and nibbled the crust off the edges of the piece of bread. “I mean, really, really, Spencer.”
“Fine, we won’t,” Spencer said, then leaned over and stole Ryan’s other piece of toast. Ryan just sighed. “So is your book good?”
“Do you want to read it or something?” Ryan asked, licking his lips free of toast-crumbs.
“Not really. I was just wondering if you thought that it was good,” Spencer said, watching Ryan, ready to gauge his reaction to his next statement. “Because if you do, I want to sell it.”
“What?” Ryan asked, his toast slipping out of his fingers and his eyes going wide. The toast landed butter-side down, naturally.
I saw a joke once where if you strap a piece of buttered toast to a cat’s back you create antigravity, because toast ALWAYS lands butter side down and cats always land on their feet. However, if anyone can provide me visual proof (as in, video) of toast being dropped and landing butter side up, I will rescind this statement. MY toast always lands butter side down. Goddamnit.
“I,” Spencer began, speaking slowly, as thought Ryan was five years old. “Would like to sell your book if it is good.”
“Spencer, Brendon was right when he said that no one was going to read a book written by a man,” Ryan said. “I mean, seriously. How many romance novel authors are men?”
“How many are gay boys?” Spencer shot back. Ryan opened his mouth to say something, faltered, and closed it right back up. “See? It’s a new selling point. Or you could use a pseudonym, as you said to start with.”
“What if it’s not actually good, Spence?” Ryan asked. Spencer sat there, thinking for a minute.
“Can I let my mom read it?” Spencer asked. “Like, we can print it out, I can put it in some kind of binder or something, and I’ll take it to my mom. She reads that kind of stuff. We’ll see what she thinks of it.”
What you don’t see: Before Spencer lets his mother have the printed novel, he reads it himself. He’d never admit it aloud, but it’s a pretty stellar romance novel.
“I don’t want your mom to know I wrote a romance novel,” Ryan said pitifully, picking up his toast and looking at it woefully, before just taking another bite. It had only fallen on the table, after all.
“I won’t tell her. I’ll tell her it was a friend of mine. I’ll use all female pronouns,” Spencer said.
“I’m never going to be able to look your mother in the face ever again,” Ryan said.
“So that’s a yes? If she says it’s good, I’m officially your agent, I get a cut and I’m selling your book,” Spencer said.
“Okay,” Ryan said meekly. Spencer was the businessman. He always had been. Ryan had always been more of an artist.
I’m telling you, man, he’s a management major.
“So you better start thinking about material for a sequel. Or another book altogether,” Spencer said.
Ryan put the last bit of toast in his mouth and chewed, getting up to get something to wipe the table off with. Spencer waited patiently while Ryan cleaned up and moved back to sit at the table.
“Well, I’d really kind of like to spend time with my boyfriend first,” Ryan said.
Snuggling, and probably putting out. They’ve been on several dates now! Beard burn in other places besides Ryan’s neck.
“So Jon’s your boyfriend now?” Spencer asked, raising an eyebrow.
“We’re dating each other exclusively,” Ryan said.
Spencer just smiled. “We’ll start printing the book later. Then I’ll get something to put it in and take it to my mom,” Spencer said.
“Okay,” Ryan said, and got up from the table. “I’m going to go take a shower and call Jon.”
“You do that,” Spencer said. “And start printing.”
“Don’t have any paper,” Ryan said.
“Then I’ll go get some. Be ready to start printing when I get back with it.”
“Okay,” Ryan said. He knew better than to argue when Spencer had already gone into full-on evil mastermind mode. He just wandered out of the kitchen and into the bathroom.
Spencer went out for paper.
*** One Year Later.
“I’m kind of nervous,” Ryan had said. They were sitting in Spencer’s car, parked in the back of the bookstore. Spencer had just shrugged at him. “No, Spencer, seriously. I’m like. I think I’m going to throw up.”
“Get out of the car before you do it,” Spencer said, poking around on his phone. Ryan groaned at him. Jon reached up from the back seat to rub Ryan’s shoulders gently.
“Just take a deep breath,” Jon suggested, resting his chin against the backrest of the seat.
“Yeah, and, like, put your head between your knees,” Spencer suggested.
“My body doesn’t bend that way,” Ryan whined.
“Uh,” Jon said, and then snickered.
“Oh fuck you, Jon Walker. My body does not bend that way in the front seat of a car,” Ryan said.
“Okay, TMI, kids, get the hell out of my car,” Spencer said and opened his door. Ryan didn’t move.
“I can’t do this,” he whispered. Spencer rolled his eyes and reached over, pinching Ryan’s arm as hard as he could, making him yelp. “What the fuck did you do that for?”
Why are you so mean to Ryan, Spencer Smith? Why so much violence? Try that anger management stuff.
“To piss you off and make you forget you were going to throw up,” Spencer said, as though this was a perfectly logical explanation. He’d rather Ryan be pissed off than whining about how scared this was. “Now, those people in that line are here to see you. They’re here to see a little gay boy from Vegas who wrote a romance novel that they really liked. So get your ass out of the car and crack your knuckles and get ready to write your name about fifty million times.”
“And don’t throw up,” Jon added cheerfully. Ryan turned around and gave him a look, grimacing. Jon leaned forward and kissed the end of his nose. Ryan sighed.
“Definitely don’t throw up,” Spencer added, and Ryan finally got out of the car. Spencer locked the doors and Jon crawled out of the back seat, closing the passenger side behind him.
“I’m totally going to throw up,” Ryan said, then turned and tucked his face into Jon’s shoulder. Jon made a face.
“Well, do it on Spencer if you’re going to do it,” Jon told him, but he wrapped his arms around Ryan and tried to comfort him the best he could. He was warm and Ryan just sort of melted against him, breathing in. Spencer looked at his watch and glared at them while he waited, watching Jon whispering into Ryan’s ear.
“We’re going to be late,” Spencer said crossly. Ryan took a deep breath and peeled himself away. Spencer noticed that his fingers immediately sought out Jon’s hand to squeeze as they all three headed inside.
This is my favourite scene in the entire fic, and I will tell you why. I love that a) it’s funny. I love that b) there’s such BOY-ness to their actions. I love that c) Ryan and Jon are all snuggly and boyfriend-y. That’s the best part. A lot of love for this scene.
***
Ryan wasn’t looking when the next book hit the table in front of him. He was busy cracking his knuckles, trying to rub an ink-stain off of the end of one of his fingers. The book smacked the table in front of him and he jumped.
“You made me the bad guy.”
Brendon Urie: Still A Dick.
Ryan looked up sharply, his eyes going wide when he saw who was standing there. He swallowed hard. He couldn’t say anything nasty like he really, really wanted to. There were people standing around.
“You were the bad guy,” he whispered, looking up at Brendon with his eyes wide. Brendon gave him the tiniest bit of a smile, a little twist of his mouth.
“Look, Ryan, I’m really sorry about that, you know?” Brendon said.
“Don’t worry about it, okay?” Ryan said. He picked up the book and turned it toward him, opening it up and looking at it for a moment, not writing anything.
“Hey, um. I wanted to. Maybe we could. You know, go out. Sometime,” Brendon suggested. Ryan didn’t think he’d ever seen the boy at such a loss for words.
“Brendon, I have a boyfriend,” Ryan said.
“No, I know. Just as friends, Ryan,” Brendon said. “We were friends, once.”
“I know,” Ryan said. He looked down at the book, tapping the end of the pen against it for a moment, then looking up. He could see people behind Brendon in the line trying to figure out what was going on, getting antsy about why it was taking so long for this guy to get out of the way so they could get through the line.
“So…” Brendon said. Ryan still hadn’t written anything.
“I’ll. I have your number. So. So if it’s the same. I’ll call you,” Ryan said.
“Okay,” Brendon said. He gave Ryan a real smile this time, and Ryan managed one back. Then he looked back down at the book and wrote something quickly before flipping it shut and handing it to Brendon, their fingers brushing as Brendon took the book from him and turned away. The next person walked up and Ryan looked away from watching Brendon walk away to smile up at the girl standing there and greet her. She was watching Brendon walk away too.
I had written this scene about ten times in my head, but wasn’t able to go ahead and write it down. I wish I had, because for some reason I managed not to get what Ryan wrote in Brendon’s book in there. But I can tell you now! Brendon - Sorry I made you the bad guy. Yep.
Also, that girl is naughty, watching Brendon walk away. But whatever. We’d all do it. Boy’s got a great ass.
***
Brendon was waiting outside when they came out. He wasn’t sure that they even noticed him, sitting in his car. He’d heard that a lot more people had turned out than expected, which he thought was great for Ryan. He was almost asleep with his head resting against the steering wheel when he saw Spencer walk out. He started to open the door and get out, but stopped.
Ryan walked out with who Brendon could only assume was his boyfriend. Brendon had to assume it, the guy had his arm snaked around Ryan’s waist and was talking to him, and Ryan had his head ducked, smiling. He looked happy, and Brendon couldn’t really remember a time that Ryan had looked so happy. Certainly not a time when Ryan was with him.
Brendon decided not to get out of the car. If Ryan wanted to call him, then, he supposed, Ryan could call him.
He hoped that Ryan would call him.
Brendon totally does call, and he totally goes and hangs out with them. And later, like, a year or so later, he totally hooks up with Spencer, because I had a serious dilemma about whether Brendon and Spencer would hook up, and the answer is YES and it’s later on, and it’s kind of an accident because Brendon’s got that mouth and Spencer’s got those hips and Brendon’s totally the kind of boy to put out before the first date.
And then they all four live happily ever after, and Brendon gets spanked twice a week because Spencer’s a dominatrix.