(no subject)

[awakenremsleep]

I havent writen anything in a while so ill try now. In despiration I turn to the only one who Ill let listen to my thoughts. Myself. Sometimes I just can't do it. Sometimes I can't hold it together. Sometimes it all just breaks down. Crashes my mind. Yet, I don't cry, I don't do anything, I can't do anything. I just stare blankly. Its as if im a computer thats turned off, yet im still going, I can't turn off. Its when I realise that I can't do anything, nothing. You tell yourself you don't want anything. You make yourself believe things, anything, so that you wont explode. You shove things into the darkest corner of your mind so that you can attempt to be blissfully ignorant. Yet it just builds up and it builds up and it builds up and theres absolutely no escape. When I burst I burst to myself. I just want to melt down. As if you're grasping for something that isnt there. A chronic feeling of falling off a cliff backwards grasping at air for a pipe, a rock, a hand to hold on to. The looming feeling that you're going to plummet but you never do, just continue grasping, never plummeting. You can't grab onto yourself, you just can't.

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything seems like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know your alive

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am