dream after dream after dream...
restless nights are what I've had for maybe the past year or so,
even more so these few weeks or months.
I wanna sleep without dreams or nightmares,
but my subconscious wouldn't let me.
so this time,
I let go of my worries and thoughts,
kept a clear mind and closed mine eyes,
I drifted as usual.
snippets of dreams as usual,
jumpin from one point to another.
without much connection or sense,
but the focal was felt this time around.
the family was in the cbd area, leaving.
big gg was gonna ride kk back somehow,
mom, 8m, and some other had some errands to run,
so they all got into the car by the side of the road.
mmk decided to make her way back on her own.
another lady, a blur to me now, headed off herself too.
somehow I did not follow the car either.
scene changed to some cemented open space parking lot,
where one side was the terminal area,
(where I was with that lady).
and the opposite side was the main road and bus stop
(where mmk headed).
I turned around and realised, then
I passed my wallet and whatever I was holding to that lady
told her, "5 or so min alrite?"
and I ran anxiously across the carpark towards the bus stop.
Keeping sight on people on the buses that were driving away
and at the simultaneously on faces of the crowd at the bus stop.
my heart beating in chaos, my eyes focused.
I was looking for that familiar face, afraid I had missed her.
while I was deviating in the dream so very slowly,
not even remembering what she was wearing,
simply hoping that she had not boarded the bus.
amidst that sea of people, I spotted her.
thru the immense relief, my heart smiled.
she was in the peachy pink and white floral top.
I cried out to her, gave her a long warm hug,
took a deep breath, smelled her scent -
one that words can never explain.
more than that of her yardley powder,
her home cooked peranakan dishes,
mixture of cookies and cake,
a slight tinge of belachan,
a hint of pespiration from all the hard work,
and that lasting scent that belongs only to her.
And I told her something somewhere along the lines of:
"Please never never never leave me",
and that I loved her so much.
She had said something like she'd be around,
at least for now.
this is just a rough picture of the blurred dreaminess.
... and I woke around here,
lingering in her scent, warmth from the hug and tears.
Haphazardness through the dream.
But I guess the core of it is knowing
that mamak will never leave me.
she's always been in my heart
and there, she'll stay.
even more so these few weeks or months.
I wanna sleep without dreams or nightmares,
but my subconscious wouldn't let me.
so this time,
I let go of my worries and thoughts,
kept a clear mind and closed mine eyes,
I drifted as usual.
snippets of dreams as usual,
jumpin from one point to another.
without much connection or sense,
but the focal was felt this time around.
the family was in the cbd area, leaving.
big gg was gonna ride kk back somehow,
mom, 8m, and some other had some errands to run,
so they all got into the car by the side of the road.
mmk decided to make her way back on her own.
another lady, a blur to me now, headed off herself too.
somehow I did not follow the car either.
scene changed to some cemented open space parking lot,
where one side was the terminal area,
(where I was with that lady).
and the opposite side was the main road and bus stop
(where mmk headed).
I turned around and realised, then
I passed my wallet and whatever I was holding to that lady
told her, "5 or so min alrite?"
and I ran anxiously across the carpark towards the bus stop.
Keeping sight on people on the buses that were driving away
and at the simultaneously on faces of the crowd at the bus stop.
my heart beating in chaos, my eyes focused.
I was looking for that familiar face, afraid I had missed her.
while I was deviating in the dream so very slowly,
not even remembering what she was wearing,
simply hoping that she had not boarded the bus.
amidst that sea of people, I spotted her.
thru the immense relief, my heart smiled.
she was in the peachy pink and white floral top.
I cried out to her, gave her a long warm hug,
took a deep breath, smelled her scent -
one that words can never explain.
more than that of her yardley powder,
her home cooked peranakan dishes,
mixture of cookies and cake,
a slight tinge of belachan,
a hint of pespiration from all the hard work,
and that lasting scent that belongs only to her.
And I told her something somewhere along the lines of:
"Please never never never leave me",
and that I loved her so much.
She had said something like she'd be around,
at least for now.
this is just a rough picture of the blurred dreaminess.
... and I woke around here,
lingering in her scent, warmth from the hug and tears.
Haphazardness through the dream.
But I guess the core of it is knowing
that mamak will never leave me.
she's always been in my heart
and there, she'll stay.