The great paradox
I've been thinking about this more and more...there is a magnificent paradox when we walk in brokenness before the Lord.
On one hand, we are so sick of ourselves, so full of sorrow over our sinful nature and our inability to live righteously that we cannot even bear to live with ourselves.
We are as Isaiah, crying out, "Woe is me, for I am undone! Because I am a man of unclean lips, And I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips; For my eyes have seen the King, The LORD of hosts." (Isaiah 6:5)
And we are as Paul, mourning, " O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?" (Romans 7:24)
And we are as the tax collector, beating on his chest, pleading, "God be merciful to me, a sinner!" (Luke 18:13)
And we are as Job, admitting, "I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear, But now my eyes sees You. Therefore, I abhor myself, And repent in dust and ashes." (Job 42:6)
And we are as Peter, who, after denying his Lord three times, "went out and wept bitterly." (Luke 22:62)
And we are as David dismaying, "For my iniquities have gone over my head; Like a heavy burden they are too heavy for me... For I am ready to fall, And my sorrow is continually before me. For I will declare my iniquity; I will be in anguish over my sin." (Psalm 38:4,17-18)
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And on the other hand, we are overflowing with joy, consumed in worship, extolling the Lord with every word coming off of our lips because in our utter sinfulness, He is merciful beyond understanding.
We are as Paul, who right after asking his question in Romans 7:24, answers it, "I THANK GOD- THROUGH JESUS CHRIST OUR LORD!" (Romans 7:25)
We are as the apostles, who were "sorrowful, yet always rejoicing." (II Corinthians 6:10)
We are as the people Jesus called blessed when He said, "Blessed are the poor in spirit...blessed are those who mourn...blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness." (Matthew 5:3a, 4a, 6a)
When all self-sufficiency gives way and we see ourselves as we truly are, Christ then becomes all the more satisfying, all the more beautiful, all the more desirable, all the more perfect and holy and righteous. He is everything we lack, and though we hate ourselves at that moment, we love and cannot help but praise Him for being so much more than us.