Fuck Descisions
So yeah my life pretty much suchs when I have a thousand descisions to make. An as you know I suck at making any descision, however easy they may be. So my mom recently got pregnant and I was really excited about having another sibling, but turns out she's not anymore. something happened and it just doesn't exist, but the doc's can't explain what happened. my dad has been really sick due to the kimo, and it's really hard for me to think anout loosing my dad right after he lost his. And for the big fanally matt has been talking to some other girl behind my back for the last too months. besides things between us have gotten to the point that i don't even feel like wer'e dating anymore. Like we've simotaniously drifted part and there's nthing we can do. so Yeah I have a lot of shit on my mind and there is only one person I can talk to about it.
On top of all that i'm thinking about moving out with Sam and some other friends. When I told my mom about it she told me wasn't a good christian, and it made my feel really bad. Mainly cause there would be a guy living with us, and the fact that I stopped going to sunday school lately. Part of me thinks i'm not a good christian bc there is alot of stuff i do, but on the other hand I am the only good witness my friends do have. they notice when I don't drink whit them and when i get up the next morning to go to church.
I've dated matt for like 4 yrs now and to think of being with out him is impossible. He recenly asked to take a break and it only lasted for a tiny tiny bit. Things between us have benn fucked up sence before Janurary and even though we try to fix them it only gets worse. I want to take a break, but I don't know how to tell him and not hurt him. He did it to me, wht can't i do it to him? He is always bringing up the fact that i broke up with him 3 times before and it really hurts. Part of not telling him that i want a break is s he can't through it in my face; and the other part it that I really do love him and I want to work thingd out.
The whole other girls thing pisses me off so bad. He said he talked to her for like 2 months and then she started asking for him to break up with me, but he wouldn't bc he didn't want to do that to me. I wonder if that's the only reason, just not to hurt me. I told him I didn't want him talking to her anymore, but I know that he still does. I let the fact that I don't know the whole truth fuck me over. If I ask if he's talked to her or hung out with her he gets so mad at me and it becomes my fault. I just with that everything would end like it did in the fucking movies.
On top of all that i'm thinking about moving out with Sam and some other friends. When I told my mom about it she told me wasn't a good christian, and it made my feel really bad. Mainly cause there would be a guy living with us, and the fact that I stopped going to sunday school lately. Part of me thinks i'm not a good christian bc there is alot of stuff i do, but on the other hand I am the only good witness my friends do have. they notice when I don't drink whit them and when i get up the next morning to go to church.
I've dated matt for like 4 yrs now and to think of being with out him is impossible. He recenly asked to take a break and it only lasted for a tiny tiny bit. Things between us have benn fucked up sence before Janurary and even though we try to fix them it only gets worse. I want to take a break, but I don't know how to tell him and not hurt him. He did it to me, wht can't i do it to him? He is always bringing up the fact that i broke up with him 3 times before and it really hurts. Part of not telling him that i want a break is s he can't through it in my face; and the other part it that I really do love him and I want to work thingd out.
The whole other girls thing pisses me off so bad. He said he talked to her for like 2 months and then she started asking for him to break up with me, but he wouldn't bc he didn't want to do that to me. I wonder if that's the only reason, just not to hurt me. I told him I didn't want him talking to her anymore, but I know that he still does. I let the fact that I don't know the whole truth fuck me over. If I ask if he's talked to her or hung out with her he gets so mad at me and it becomes my fault. I just with that everything would end like it did in the fucking movies.