Life As Usual
Life's going fairly well.
I have a decent job, though the pay isn't all that great.
I get along with everyone I work with.
I get along with my friends at church.
I finally have some privacy, since I moved out of my brother's room, into the camper across the yard.
But I'm not happy. I'm not satisfied.
At work, I don't really connect with anyone, even though I can hold semi-decent conversations (which is a miracle on it's own)
Today at church, I realized that, even though I DO get along with people, again, I don't connect, but unlike my co-workers, I can barely even talk to anyone.
At home? I don't even feel like I should be calling this place 'home'. I have don't have that sense of belonging, like I SHOULD be here...rather, I just feel like I have no where else to go.
My brother and I get along. I really do connect with him...but everyone else? No.
I feel as though my sister tolorates me, rather than caring for me, my mother seems like less of a mother...heck, less of a relative, and more like a family friend that I used to see occasionally. Now...I understand things with my step-dad. He and I never really connected to begin with, because he's quiet, and into things I'm not interested in, and I'm quiet, and into things he's not into.
It's weird, but the only person apart from my brother that I actually click with, my grandmother, has no room for me at her home...the only place I actually feel like I belong.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. I'm still alive, and my life's getting on track finally, I just don't understand why things have to be such of a trade-off, you know?
Then again, when has it been any other way?
I have a decent job, though the pay isn't all that great.
I get along with everyone I work with.
I get along with my friends at church.
I finally have some privacy, since I moved out of my brother's room, into the camper across the yard.
But I'm not happy. I'm not satisfied.
At work, I don't really connect with anyone, even though I can hold semi-decent conversations (which is a miracle on it's own)
Today at church, I realized that, even though I DO get along with people, again, I don't connect, but unlike my co-workers, I can barely even talk to anyone.
At home? I don't even feel like I should be calling this place 'home'. I have don't have that sense of belonging, like I SHOULD be here...rather, I just feel like I have no where else to go.
My brother and I get along. I really do connect with him...but everyone else? No.
I feel as though my sister tolorates me, rather than caring for me, my mother seems like less of a mother...heck, less of a relative, and more like a family friend that I used to see occasionally. Now...I understand things with my step-dad. He and I never really connected to begin with, because he's quiet, and into things I'm not interested in, and I'm quiet, and into things he's not into.
It's weird, but the only person apart from my brother that I actually click with, my grandmother, has no room for me at her home...the only place I actually feel like I belong.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. I'm still alive, and my life's getting on track finally, I just don't understand why things have to be such of a trade-off, you know?
Then again, when has it been any other way?