немного юмора, реальные истории (англ.)
Из нескольких последних номеров Harper's Magazine. Всё по-английски.
- Flushing Nemo
The following phone conversations took place last summer. Roto-Rooter has received more than ninety such calls since the release of the animated film Finding Nemo, in which a pet fish reaches the ocean after being flushed down a drain.
ROTO-ROOTER: Good morning. This is Margie. I can help you.
CUSTOMER: Um, hi, how are you?
ROTO-ROOTER: Oh fine, thank you. How are you doing?
CUSTOMER: Well, we had a little incident this morning.
ROTO-ROOTER: Oh no. What's wrong?
CUSTOMER: Well, my daughter flushed her fish down the toilet, and she's crying because I told her that it's gone and not coming back.
ROTO-ROOTER: Oh, how sad.
CUSTOMER: You can't do anything, can you?
ROTO-ROOTER: Um, no, I think it's gone.
CUSTOMER: Yeah, I know. I told my daughter I would call to check to make her feel better.
ROTO-ROOTER: Oh, I'm sorry. Why did she flush the fish down the toilet?
CUSTOMER: I think she thought she was setting him free. We went and saw Finding Nemo the other day.
ROTO-ROOTER: Oh, I haven't seen it. Is it good?
CUSTOMER: Yeah, it was fun for the kids.
ROTO-ROOTER: That's what I heard. I have been trying to take mine to go see it.
CUSTOMER: Oh, you should, they really loved it.
ROTO-ROOTER: Okay, well, is there anything else I can do for you?
CUSTOMER: No, that's it.
ROTO-ROOTER: Okay, well thank you for calling Roto-Rooter, and I am sorry about your fish.
- Be They Men or Women, Bring Me Warriors
The following slogans were submitted to the United States Air Force Academy last August. The school solicited suggestions to replace one of its mottoes, "Bring Me Men," which was deemed inappropriate last March, following the discovery that rape and sexual harassment of female cadets were endemic at the institution.
Adapt or Perish
Against All Enemies, Foreign and Domestic
Air Force, No One Comes Close
Attitude Determines Altitude
Be They Men or Women, Bring Me Warriors
Bring Me Airman
Bring Me Free People
Bring Me Men and Women
Bring Me Your Finest and Best, Who I Can Shape into America's Finest Warrior Leaders with Boundless Intellect, Integrity, Honor, and Character
Bring Me Youth
Bring Us Humanitarians
Bring Us Your Best and We Will Do the Rest
Choose the Right
Courage, Candor, and Competence
Cross into the Blue
Days of Youth and Inexperience into Warriors
Dominators of Air, Space, and Information
Fight's On
Fit to Fight
Freedom Isn't Free
Freedom, Let's Roll
Gateway to Cadet Heaven
Global Air and Space Power
Go Air Force
Grasp Them, Feel Them, Learn Them, Be Them, Our Future Leaders
Great Minds Discuss Ideas
I Am an American
I Believe I Can Fly
If We Should Have to Fight, We Should Be Prepared to Do So from the Neck Up Instead of from the Neck Down
If You Come, We Will Develop the Leadership in You and You Will Shine
Journey Future Conquering the Challenges and Maximizing My Fullest Potential on "Destiny Way"
Keep 'Em Flying
Kiss My Afterburners
Kiss My Thrust
Let's Roll
Match My Mountains
Never Repeat the Past
No Fear Here
Off We Go
Oh, I Have Slipped
Our Workplace Is Air and Space
Patriotism, Bombs Bursting in Air, Rockets Red Glare
Put the Honor Code Up There
Reach for the Airmen's Skies
Sunward I've Climbed, and Joined the Tumbling Mirth of Sun-Split Clouds
The Air Force Kicks Sky
The Air Force: There's No Business Like It!
The Blue Zoo
The Road to Dreamality
The Word "American" Ends in "I Can"
To Conquer at All Cost
Today "The Same," Tomorrow "The Change"
Total Force Leadership
Up, Up, The Long Delirious Burning Blue
We Need You in Air
We Own the Air
We Own the Sky
Without Desire, the Mind Ceases to Exist
World's Best Air Force
You Are Remembered for the Rules You Break
Your Mission Is to Fly and Fight and Don't You Ever Forget It
- Don't scare the shrimp
From a sign written in English and posted in Shanghai public parks by the Shanghai Green Administration Bureau last fall.
Pursuant to the "Regulations of Shanghai Municipality on Administration of Public Parks," visitors are advised to observe the following:
1. Ethic and moral codes should be duly honored. Visitors are expected not to urinate or shit, post ads, and write or carve around the park. Exposing one's top, lying about, washing and airing clothes, and scavenging are unallowable. Climbing artificial hills is objectionable. Ball games and kite-flying are impermissible.
2. Visitors should not tear at flowers or plants, dig up fruits or seeds, and collect soil.
3. The visitor to the park should discipline himself instead of making himself a nuisance to others. Public speech, public meeting, or fund-raising of any nature is inexpedient. Activities of a feudalistic and suspicious nature are prohibited. Activities of a business nature, including peddling about, practicing medicine, or distributing propaganda sheets, are not allowed.
4. Visitors are not supposed to tease, scare, or capture cricket, shrimp, or cicada. No animal is allowed to enter the park unless permitted.