If Condiments Could Talk, What a Lame World This Would Be
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I try hard not to take my kids to fast food places, but sometimes it just can't be helped.
This was the case yesterday, when Alex and I found ourselves in Taco Bell. He was sorting through the packets of hot sauce and noticed that they each had some kind of sentence or catch phrase in bold letters on the front, central part of the packet. Obviously, the marketing people at Taco Bell really want us to read these.
These sentences and catch phrases were so poorly themed that, at first, I couldn't tell why they were there. They said things like, "Will you marry me?" and "Fire is picking on me."
But then we realized that these phrases are supposed to be what condiment packets would say if they could talk. In case you were wondering, here are the things that packets of hot sauce would say if they had been blessed with the gift of speech:
"Not it!"
"Make a wish."
"Scratch and sniff. Gotcha!"
"I collect straws."
"Will you scratch my back?"
"Tah Dah!"
"Thanks for rescuing me. Fire was getting on my nerves."
"Help! I can't tell where I am. It's dark and I can hear laughing."
Even my ten-year-old, nearly illiterate son could tell that these were lamely themed and not nearly as funny as they're apparently supposed to be.
And this, more than anything else, is the reason I keep my kids away from fast food--not just because of the high concentrations of fat, sugar, salt and carbs, but because of the inanity of fast food marketing. It is abundantly clear that either the people who came up with these condiment quotes are stupid as hell or they think we are. (Or both.)
On the plus side, I'm endlessly delighted when the costly products of corporate groupthink are such colossal failures. It just goes to show that, even in this day and age of pointless consumerism and mindless brand loyalty, money can't buy everything--least of all, common sense.
I try hard not to take my kids to fast food places, but sometimes it just can't be helped.
This was the case yesterday, when Alex and I found ourselves in Taco Bell. He was sorting through the packets of hot sauce and noticed that they each had some kind of sentence or catch phrase in bold letters on the front, central part of the packet. Obviously, the marketing people at Taco Bell really want us to read these.
These sentences and catch phrases were so poorly themed that, at first, I couldn't tell why they were there. They said things like, "Will you marry me?" and "Fire is picking on me."
But then we realized that these phrases are supposed to be what condiment packets would say if they could talk. In case you were wondering, here are the things that packets of hot sauce would say if they had been blessed with the gift of speech:
"Not it!"
"Make a wish."
"Scratch and sniff. Gotcha!"
"I collect straws."
"Will you scratch my back?"
"Tah Dah!"
"Thanks for rescuing me. Fire was getting on my nerves."
"Help! I can't tell where I am. It's dark and I can hear laughing."
Even my ten-year-old, nearly illiterate son could tell that these were lamely themed and not nearly as funny as they're apparently supposed to be.
And this, more than anything else, is the reason I keep my kids away from fast food--not just because of the high concentrations of fat, sugar, salt and carbs, but because of the inanity of fast food marketing. It is abundantly clear that either the people who came up with these condiment quotes are stupid as hell or they think we are. (Or both.)
On the plus side, I'm endlessly delighted when the costly products of corporate groupthink are such colossal failures. It just goes to show that, even in this day and age of pointless consumerism and mindless brand loyalty, money can't buy everything--least of all, common sense.