Just a minor spaz attack
Okay, so the Archives have it out for me. I've tried to post a review for hours and hours, but unlike most MNFF glitches, this one did not disappear in 4-6 hours. I am sans reviewing power at the moment. So, to remedy that, I'm just going to post my review for Amanda's fic, A True Weasley, and she can respond here. So that way, I can fulfill my SPEW requirement, plus make Amanda's day with a review (and twice when the freaking archives stop torturing me).
Hellooooo, Amanda!
Well, as per a recommendation, I have decided to visit your Percy story, which is fitting, considering a Percy character study is in the SBBC monthly discussion. He’s fresh in my mind, so I should be able to give you better feedback about this little snapshot in the life and times of Percy Ignatius Weasley.
This piece is really interesting for a variety of reasons. First of all, it shows Percy as we’ve never known him in the series, so it would be a challenge to pull off and still feel like the character we know, yet not the same personality that we know. In a way, it would be more difficult to characterise him as a child than as an adult, since we saw the transformation of Percy from when he was fifteen, all the way to age twenty-two in the series, so we pretty much know what he’s like as a ‘grown-up’ by then. But you have taken that challenge and ninja kicked it into reality, so good for you.
Secondly, I really liked how you personified the other Weasleys in the story (Arthur, Bill, and Charlie). I really thought, from what we do know of them, that you nailed them perfectly. Arthur seemed to understand Percy, and he’s a better parent than he is often given credit for. He knew that Percy didn’t want to seem weak or needy in front of his brothers, but it’s hard to fool someone who has changed your diapers and wiped your nose since birth, I’d think. He was not patronising or embarrassing (as parents tend to be in front of ‘everybody’), but he just gave Percy the gentle nudge that he needed to take that first step from what he knew and into the train, which would take him to the place that would change his life forever.
Bill was another win for you. He was that shining example of what Percy loved about Hogwarts: respected, cool, collected, and - of course - Head Boy. Yet, Bill never lost sight of the fact that Percy was his brother and did need a little bit of help - even if he said that he didn’t. And then there was the part when Bill ‘straightened his Prefects’ badge’, showing Percy that he, Bill, cared about many of the same things that his younger brother did, which gave Percy both an idol and a mentor for the rest of his school career. That completely sold me on your knowledge and understanding of the Weasley clan.
I like how you used Charlie as sort of a conversation starter and a buffer. He knew that Percy was unlikely to be a chatterbox, so he started the conversation with Oliver to get the ball rolling. Sure, it was also largely due to the fact that both were quite Quidditch mad, but I’d like to think that Charlie was being a wingman. (Useless trivia: Did you know that ‘wingman’ gets its name from a hockey term? Wingers [left wing and right wing] are forwards [scorers] who help the center set up plays and also score goals. Quidditch is actually a lot like hockey, minus the presence of a Seeker… not really a parallel for that, and that would definitely not make Charlie a winger, lol. So, enough digression. If you ever cared at all… now you know.)
Oliver was also an interesting - and good - characterisation. He has that rabid love of Quidditch that we know about him, but he hasn’t regressed into that full-blown psychopathy (Haha, take that, MSWord! It IS a real word.) that we know from PoA. He’s also rather gregarious, which is also very IC, as he was very kind to Harry when he was a fledgling Quidditch player and answered all of his questions without making him feel stupid. You rock!
I think, most of all, though, I like what you did with the Sorting Hat. It understood what Percy was like, but it let him know, under no uncertain terms, that somewhere in his brain, Percy had already chosen his house, but he just didn’t know it yet. That, to me, is what the Sorting Hat is all about, and I’ve used it once in a fic and about a thousand times in my head.
I pulled some quotes from the story, which I really love and appreciate.
’Though, he thought, they could probably knock their carts into some poor, unsuspecting Muggle before Dad realized what was happening.’
This sounds so much like Percy. He’s ridiculously practical, which is evidenced here. He is no-nonsense and not at all inclined toward shenanigans, which we know to be true because of his relative intolerance of the twins’ sense of humour. This part is just a small subtlety that marks your true understanding of the character.
‘Percy had waited for this moment for so long. He just knew that he would have his chance to shine at Hogwarts; where he would be appreciated for liking to read instead of wanting to play Quidditch, or be bullied by his brothers. He would be free to make new friends, to gain more knowledge…but as this moment was now upon him, he suddenly realized how terrified he was.’
It’s such a gift to be able to see the childlike wonder of a child going to Hogwarts for the first time. It was a warm, fuzzy feeling in SS/PS when Harry went, and not just because we were all rooting for him, either. There is something about the anticipation that is magic in itself, and it has nothing to do with wizardry. You outlined it so well, especially Percy’s hopes and dreams for his school career. He wanted to be liked for being a ‘nerd’ and his love of learning. Sure, we know it never really happened that way, but it’s nice to see him look forward to something like a child at Christmastime.
‘Throughout all of this, Percy stared. His brothers were sitting with him on the way to Hogwarts? Didn’t…didn't they have friends they'd rather sit with? And he'd already had a friendly conversation with a stranger who didn't seem to find him odd or pompous. His heart swelled as he listened to Charlie's familiar voice and watched his two brothers settle into their compartment. They were letting him branch out…but they were not leaving him. He suddenly grinned.’
This is case in point as to why I really liked how you characterised Bill and Charlie. We know they’re good people from the series, and it’s great that Percy knows that his family really cares about him at this point - even if he’s a prat and forgets that later. :-\
‘"Why, magic, of course. I know you, Percy," the hat said softly. "Loyalty, yes, and ambition, they seem to work hand in hand.’
You kick butt so very much for writing this line. It is like a foreshadowing of what Percy does later in the books, turning on his family. Loyalty and ambition do, indeed, come hand in hand, but what little Percy fails to realise until it was almost too late was that you have to know how to balance them. Loyalty can destroy ambition, and ambition can destroy loyalty. The Hat had just given him a very, very key piece of information, and had Percy picked up on this, he may have made different choices for himself later in life (and you know when I mean, too).
Okay, I hate it when I do this, but I do have a couple nit-picks. As a fellow author, I know that it sucks when you work hard on something and somebody goes through and points out minor, minor mistakes. Inversely, though, I also realise that it is also our desire to put the best work out there that we can, so it is also appreciated sometimes.
‘Percy swallowed the large ball of saliva that had come to rest in his mouth, though his throat seemed tighter now and it was difficult to swallow.’
You used the word ‘swallow’ twice in the same sentence. Perhaps ‘choked down’ instead of the first ‘swallowed’ would make it read better. “Percy choked down the large ball of saliva … though his throat seemed tighter and it was difficult to swallow.” Hopefully that was helpful. :D
‘Nearly giddy with delight at the prospect of another studious person, he dragged in his truck and collapsed on the seat opposite the other boy.’
I believe you meant ‘trunk’. Naughty, naughty typos that Word can’t fix for you… It’s so easy to accidentally overlook, but I figured you’d like to fix it, as you do have a slight mania for quality and order (hey, look at what you do for a living).
All in all, I really enjoyed this fic, not only for the reasons above, but because it was fun and light-hearted without being fluffy. I like fluff sometimes, but this is an appropriate balance of fluff and just plain honesty. Honesty is something I really appreciate in fics that I read. It holds true to what we know, yet it has a human quality that yes, our characters are flawed and they’re just like us. You seem to have a knack for that in your writing, making your writing down-to-earth and easily understood. At no point would an average reader need a thesaurus, and I think that’s important when one is writing about an eleven-year-old.
Very well done, and I shall hope to see you again in your review section, especially since you took time out of your insanely busy work schedule to visit mine. Your work is of high quality, as is this fic, and I agree that more people should read it, even if Percy isn’t their ‘cup of tea’.
Cheers and I shall see you again on AIM or LJ. Hugs!
Jess
Hellooooo, Amanda!
Well, as per a recommendation, I have decided to visit your Percy story, which is fitting, considering a Percy character study is in the SBBC monthly discussion. He’s fresh in my mind, so I should be able to give you better feedback about this little snapshot in the life and times of Percy Ignatius Weasley.
This piece is really interesting for a variety of reasons. First of all, it shows Percy as we’ve never known him in the series, so it would be a challenge to pull off and still feel like the character we know, yet not the same personality that we know. In a way, it would be more difficult to characterise him as a child than as an adult, since we saw the transformation of Percy from when he was fifteen, all the way to age twenty-two in the series, so we pretty much know what he’s like as a ‘grown-up’ by then. But you have taken that challenge and ninja kicked it into reality, so good for you.
Secondly, I really liked how you personified the other Weasleys in the story (Arthur, Bill, and Charlie). I really thought, from what we do know of them, that you nailed them perfectly. Arthur seemed to understand Percy, and he’s a better parent than he is often given credit for. He knew that Percy didn’t want to seem weak or needy in front of his brothers, but it’s hard to fool someone who has changed your diapers and wiped your nose since birth, I’d think. He was not patronising or embarrassing (as parents tend to be in front of ‘everybody’), but he just gave Percy the gentle nudge that he needed to take that first step from what he knew and into the train, which would take him to the place that would change his life forever.
Bill was another win for you. He was that shining example of what Percy loved about Hogwarts: respected, cool, collected, and - of course - Head Boy. Yet, Bill never lost sight of the fact that Percy was his brother and did need a little bit of help - even if he said that he didn’t. And then there was the part when Bill ‘straightened his Prefects’ badge’, showing Percy that he, Bill, cared about many of the same things that his younger brother did, which gave Percy both an idol and a mentor for the rest of his school career. That completely sold me on your knowledge and understanding of the Weasley clan.
I like how you used Charlie as sort of a conversation starter and a buffer. He knew that Percy was unlikely to be a chatterbox, so he started the conversation with Oliver to get the ball rolling. Sure, it was also largely due to the fact that both were quite Quidditch mad, but I’d like to think that Charlie was being a wingman. (Useless trivia: Did you know that ‘wingman’ gets its name from a hockey term? Wingers [left wing and right wing] are forwards [scorers] who help the center set up plays and also score goals. Quidditch is actually a lot like hockey, minus the presence of a Seeker… not really a parallel for that, and that would definitely not make Charlie a winger, lol. So, enough digression. If you ever cared at all… now you know.)
Oliver was also an interesting - and good - characterisation. He has that rabid love of Quidditch that we know about him, but he hasn’t regressed into that full-blown psychopathy (Haha, take that, MSWord! It IS a real word.) that we know from PoA. He’s also rather gregarious, which is also very IC, as he was very kind to Harry when he was a fledgling Quidditch player and answered all of his questions without making him feel stupid. You rock!
I think, most of all, though, I like what you did with the Sorting Hat. It understood what Percy was like, but it let him know, under no uncertain terms, that somewhere in his brain, Percy had already chosen his house, but he just didn’t know it yet. That, to me, is what the Sorting Hat is all about, and I’ve used it once in a fic and about a thousand times in my head.
I pulled some quotes from the story, which I really love and appreciate.
’Though, he thought, they could probably knock their carts into some poor, unsuspecting Muggle before Dad realized what was happening.’
This sounds so much like Percy. He’s ridiculously practical, which is evidenced here. He is no-nonsense and not at all inclined toward shenanigans, which we know to be true because of his relative intolerance of the twins’ sense of humour. This part is just a small subtlety that marks your true understanding of the character.
‘Percy had waited for this moment for so long. He just knew that he would have his chance to shine at Hogwarts; where he would be appreciated for liking to read instead of wanting to play Quidditch, or be bullied by his brothers. He would be free to make new friends, to gain more knowledge…but as this moment was now upon him, he suddenly realized how terrified he was.’
It’s such a gift to be able to see the childlike wonder of a child going to Hogwarts for the first time. It was a warm, fuzzy feeling in SS/PS when Harry went, and not just because we were all rooting for him, either. There is something about the anticipation that is magic in itself, and it has nothing to do with wizardry. You outlined it so well, especially Percy’s hopes and dreams for his school career. He wanted to be liked for being a ‘nerd’ and his love of learning. Sure, we know it never really happened that way, but it’s nice to see him look forward to something like a child at Christmastime.
‘Throughout all of this, Percy stared. His brothers were sitting with him on the way to Hogwarts? Didn’t…didn't they have friends they'd rather sit with? And he'd already had a friendly conversation with a stranger who didn't seem to find him odd or pompous. His heart swelled as he listened to Charlie's familiar voice and watched his two brothers settle into their compartment. They were letting him branch out…but they were not leaving him. He suddenly grinned.’
This is case in point as to why I really liked how you characterised Bill and Charlie. We know they’re good people from the series, and it’s great that Percy knows that his family really cares about him at this point - even if he’s a prat and forgets that later. :-\
‘"Why, magic, of course. I know you, Percy," the hat said softly. "Loyalty, yes, and ambition, they seem to work hand in hand.’
You kick butt so very much for writing this line. It is like a foreshadowing of what Percy does later in the books, turning on his family. Loyalty and ambition do, indeed, come hand in hand, but what little Percy fails to realise until it was almost too late was that you have to know how to balance them. Loyalty can destroy ambition, and ambition can destroy loyalty. The Hat had just given him a very, very key piece of information, and had Percy picked up on this, he may have made different choices for himself later in life (and you know when I mean, too).
Okay, I hate it when I do this, but I do have a couple nit-picks. As a fellow author, I know that it sucks when you work hard on something and somebody goes through and points out minor, minor mistakes. Inversely, though, I also realise that it is also our desire to put the best work out there that we can, so it is also appreciated sometimes.
‘Percy swallowed the large ball of saliva that had come to rest in his mouth, though his throat seemed tighter now and it was difficult to swallow.’
You used the word ‘swallow’ twice in the same sentence. Perhaps ‘choked down’ instead of the first ‘swallowed’ would make it read better. “Percy choked down the large ball of saliva … though his throat seemed tighter and it was difficult to swallow.” Hopefully that was helpful. :D
‘Nearly giddy with delight at the prospect of another studious person, he dragged in his truck and collapsed on the seat opposite the other boy.’
I believe you meant ‘trunk’. Naughty, naughty typos that Word can’t fix for you… It’s so easy to accidentally overlook, but I figured you’d like to fix it, as you do have a slight mania for quality and order (hey, look at what you do for a living).
All in all, I really enjoyed this fic, not only for the reasons above, but because it was fun and light-hearted without being fluffy. I like fluff sometimes, but this is an appropriate balance of fluff and just plain honesty. Honesty is something I really appreciate in fics that I read. It holds true to what we know, yet it has a human quality that yes, our characters are flawed and they’re just like us. You seem to have a knack for that in your writing, making your writing down-to-earth and easily understood. At no point would an average reader need a thesaurus, and I think that’s important when one is writing about an eleven-year-old.
Very well done, and I shall hope to see you again in your review section, especially since you took time out of your insanely busy work schedule to visit mine. Your work is of high quality, as is this fic, and I agree that more people should read it, even if Percy isn’t their ‘cup of tea’.
Cheers and I shall see you again on AIM or LJ. Hugs!
Jess