self- image
You suddenly find yourself in an extremely dark and lonely place that is intolerable, not even for one more moment. You realize that you have reached the place, an awful place... where the only option that seems available is to exterminate a pointless life. One that no longer makes sense to you. One that has definitely strayed from the path you had mapped out for yourself long ago and far away in the distant past.
How is it that you can spend days, weeks, months, attempting to force yourself to look at yourself in a more flattering light... You begin to alter the habits you have, you read nutrition labels, take notice of caloric intake, drink more water, exercise, start to see the changes in your body and you are liking them.
There are looks from strangers, glances you find exhilarating. Liberating, Uplifting, encouraing. You keep at it.
The clothes are beginning to hang on your otherwise different body. You feel "different", Sexy.
Oh Yes! Sex is definitely on the brain. Lots of sex. Morning noon and night! Anywhere, anytime, just about anyway. Only one problem.
You are among that sympathetic class of women who are desperate, Wal-mart wives. While the hubby is off on his weekly business trip either having his weekly date with whatever he picked up on the way out of town, or the "friend" he happens to have at the moment.... You sit at home with the kids, the good mom, alone, horny as hell, with no avenue for release of your sexual tension.
I say to hell with that!
SO....
The hubbt comes home, I surprise him and ask to go out, I dress carefully and quite differently than he is accustomed. Not that in the end, it did me any good. Other than I did get some sexual release. Even if there remains some severe frustration over the basic situation.
I will continue to explore.....and keep my journal posted... I refuse to accept the mediocre anymore