My Uncle Mark has died.
This is why I keep my phone on and by the bed. I have honestly been expecting a phone call of my G'ma Shirley's death for years; as the eldeet member of the immediate family, that was the expected call. (I'm not wishing her dead, of course, but it's the only call that's expected.) Other people get sick or injured but that wouldn't necessitate a phone call that would wake a person. (I haven;t even told my parents about my finger yet and that happened a week ago.)
I've been keeping my phone on not just "do not disturb" lately but also airplane mode, so the battery doesn't drain overnight, which is ridiculous because I live all day at home and could keep the damn thing plugged in for my waking hours. Anyway, my sister and brother both had to call on the land line to reach me this morning.
He's been... he had been having fainting spells lately (I was told). This morning, the EMTs were called but when they arrived they were unable to revive him.
The rest is not his story anymore.
All of Aunt Judy's immediate family (three sons plus daughter-in-law) are with her. Dan lives with her, Larry had been visiting for the weekend (from downtown Pittsburgh; I gather he spends many shabbatot/weekends with his parents), and Ben and Shayna came over. I am crushed that all of my family can't be there - we are so close with their family. They are our tightest family connections. My mom and her sister are best friends; they were best friends first, and then as teenagers they set their parents up! (My mom's mom was divorced, Judy's dad was widowed.) My mom is kind of hard hit. She is functional, answering and making phone calls, but not quite mentally with it. *nod* That is a response.
Rick has been really good to/with me this morning. He wants to support me in whatever I need to do today, but he doesn't know what to expect. He said "I can't think of what your grieving would look like: you're not one who would want to scream and shout, or drown your sorrows, or just go into yourself and retreat from everything." No, those are not me. I don't know what Rick can do to help me throughout the day. He did say to ask him, though, and I will try to do that.
I am a people person. I so much want to be with my family, both my nuclear family as well as theirs. I can't. No-one is traveling right now, not even the folks a few states away. It's fucking dire out there. In BC, we are also under some restrictions, but it's not as bad as it is in the States.
It's so unexpected, and unfair, and it sucks. Evidently something was wrong, but I don't know if we'll find out what. It's just too soon: sure he was in his mid- to late- 70's but they should've had another 20 years together. She only retired maybe 5 years ago? Certainly they weren't both retired before I moved up here? She is not alone, not with one son in residence and two sons nearby, but she is bereft of her life's partner and that's just sad. I am sad for my cousins at the loss of their dad, who was a funny, kind man who doted on his grandchildren. I'm glad I made more of an effort these last many years to talk with him and not just get the phone passed over to my aunt (with whom I'm closer). I did love him in an uncomplicated way. I just didn't know him well.
He used to do the crossword puzzle with the dictionary and reference books nearby. He'd work it through to completion. He also read the paper thoroughly. He worked for the Bayer company on the business side (not the medical). He also belonged to some civic organizations, including being a mentor to... what, young entrepreneurs? Kids in need? I just recall that he was a mentor. He was active in his synagogue. He was genial and I never heard of a time when he and my aunt were not a wonderful couple, and they'd been together 50+ years. He was a mensch. This entry was originally posted at https://avivasedai.dreamwidth.org/741049.html. Please comment there using OpenID.
I've been keeping my phone on not just "do not disturb" lately but also airplane mode, so the battery doesn't drain overnight, which is ridiculous because I live all day at home and could keep the damn thing plugged in for my waking hours. Anyway, my sister and brother both had to call on the land line to reach me this morning.
He's been... he had been having fainting spells lately (I was told). This morning, the EMTs were called but when they arrived they were unable to revive him.
The rest is not his story anymore.
All of Aunt Judy's immediate family (three sons plus daughter-in-law) are with her. Dan lives with her, Larry had been visiting for the weekend (from downtown Pittsburgh; I gather he spends many shabbatot/weekends with his parents), and Ben and Shayna came over. I am crushed that all of my family can't be there - we are so close with their family. They are our tightest family connections. My mom and her sister are best friends; they were best friends first, and then as teenagers they set their parents up! (My mom's mom was divorced, Judy's dad was widowed.) My mom is kind of hard hit. She is functional, answering and making phone calls, but not quite mentally with it. *nod* That is a response.
Rick has been really good to/with me this morning. He wants to support me in whatever I need to do today, but he doesn't know what to expect. He said "I can't think of what your grieving would look like: you're not one who would want to scream and shout, or drown your sorrows, or just go into yourself and retreat from everything." No, those are not me. I don't know what Rick can do to help me throughout the day. He did say to ask him, though, and I will try to do that.
I am a people person. I so much want to be with my family, both my nuclear family as well as theirs. I can't. No-one is traveling right now, not even the folks a few states away. It's fucking dire out there. In BC, we are also under some restrictions, but it's not as bad as it is in the States.
It's so unexpected, and unfair, and it sucks. Evidently something was wrong, but I don't know if we'll find out what. It's just too soon: sure he was in his mid- to late- 70's but they should've had another 20 years together. She only retired maybe 5 years ago? Certainly they weren't both retired before I moved up here? She is not alone, not with one son in residence and two sons nearby, but she is bereft of her life's partner and that's just sad. I am sad for my cousins at the loss of their dad, who was a funny, kind man who doted on his grandchildren. I'm glad I made more of an effort these last many years to talk with him and not just get the phone passed over to my aunt (with whom I'm closer). I did love him in an uncomplicated way. I just didn't know him well.
He used to do the crossword puzzle with the dictionary and reference books nearby. He'd work it through to completion. He also read the paper thoroughly. He worked for the Bayer company on the business side (not the medical). He also belonged to some civic organizations, including being a mentor to... what, young entrepreneurs? Kids in need? I just recall that he was a mentor. He was active in his synagogue. He was genial and I never heard of a time when he and my aunt were not a wonderful couple, and they'd been together 50+ years. He was a mensch. This entry was originally posted at https://avivasedai.dreamwidth.org/741049.html. Please comment there using OpenID.