(no subject)
my only regret is that i didnt live up to my potential.
not in school, not in BBYO, and in general not in life.
in the past four years, i could have done more, i could have been better, but i wasnt because i was lazy. i expected things to come easy for me, and i expected people to recognize and judge me by my abilities, not my actions. i made excuses when i didnt do my best, and all those excused times add up, and make me less than who i should be. i know i could have done better, i know i could have done more, and it kills me that my laziness has shut doors for me now. i wish i could these 4 years all over again and do the best i could, and not learn the hard way of thinking that i deserved better than i did. when i realized how much i regretted all this, i thought it would be excused if i could start over in a place where i felt i belonged. a place where other people have the same potential as me. but the truth is, my four wasted years of high school are not excusable. there is no excuse for being lazy, or for trying to rationalize my shortcomings. i guess as afraid as i am of failure, im also that much afraid of success. im stuck with this, and it kills me everyday. it kills me everytime i see someone who i know i could be as good as if i only tried, or when my mom pretends that i havent disapointed her. i guess the only way to remedy this would be to give everything my all for the rest of my life, but i feel like i cant do that now. i feel like im stuck as being the average kid that i know im not. i dont know how to get out of this rut, but im sure gonna try. from now on, im going to live up to my potential, im going to do the great things that i know i can if i could just get around to it. im going to try at least.
not in school, not in BBYO, and in general not in life.
in the past four years, i could have done more, i could have been better, but i wasnt because i was lazy. i expected things to come easy for me, and i expected people to recognize and judge me by my abilities, not my actions. i made excuses when i didnt do my best, and all those excused times add up, and make me less than who i should be. i know i could have done better, i know i could have done more, and it kills me that my laziness has shut doors for me now. i wish i could these 4 years all over again and do the best i could, and not learn the hard way of thinking that i deserved better than i did. when i realized how much i regretted all this, i thought it would be excused if i could start over in a place where i felt i belonged. a place where other people have the same potential as me. but the truth is, my four wasted years of high school are not excusable. there is no excuse for being lazy, or for trying to rationalize my shortcomings. i guess as afraid as i am of failure, im also that much afraid of success. im stuck with this, and it kills me everyday. it kills me everytime i see someone who i know i could be as good as if i only tried, or when my mom pretends that i havent disapointed her. i guess the only way to remedy this would be to give everything my all for the rest of my life, but i feel like i cant do that now. i feel like im stuck as being the average kid that i know im not. i dont know how to get out of this rut, but im sure gonna try. from now on, im going to live up to my potential, im going to do the great things that i know i can if i could just get around to it. im going to try at least.