But I really want a candybar...
So, the diet wasn't a complete failure. It wasn't the detox I was hoping for... the first day, Susan bought pizza and left it on the table when she went to bed, and I couldn't help myself. I caved. I then decided that since it was already a bust, I may as well eat the leftover chinese too! Which was dumb, but what's done is done. On the plus side, though, I managed not to let my one failure ruin all further attempts. I re-affirmed my goals the next day and had another go at it. Since then I've had my ups and downs, but overall I am managing not to give up completely. I really wish I had some support, but I think I'm doing okay anyway. I told Susan what I was doing and asked for her help, but as evidenced by the fact that she got a pizza on the first day of my diet -- and then just left it sitting out and went to bed -- she obviously isn't entirely on the band wagon.
I've been doing pretty good though... buying healthier food, trying to eat less in each sitting and more small meals throughout the day... reading up on all kinds of diet tips... that kind of thing. I have learned that eating healthy is neither cheap nor easy! Health food can be damn expensive, especially when a calorie-laden alternative is half the price. But I've decided that it's worth it to me. I know that I can lose weight, having done so in the recent past. I also know that it will be no easy feat. I just have to identify my strengths and weaknesses and use that information accordingly. I know that I am a glutton for instant gratification, and dieting is all about delayed gratification. I also know that my tendency is towards all-or-nothing thinking, and dieting is about small steps over time. So I'm working against my habits and my learning, and hopefully when I have lost a little bit, it will encourage me to keep going.
When I turned 20, I told myself that by 25 I wanted to be a different person -- to have lost the weight I had at that time just regained, to have learned to play the guitar, to have accomplished at least some of the goals I have in mind for myself. Tomorrow is my half birthday -- I will be 23 and a half. And I haven't gotten any closer to any of that. In fact I've slipped further away. So I'm taking a stand, reasserting myself, and taking some steps towards a more positive me. I know I won't be perfect when I hit 25, even if this whole thing is a resounding success. I don't expect I'll ever be perfect. I think that's sort of the point.
I've been doing pretty good though... buying healthier food, trying to eat less in each sitting and more small meals throughout the day... reading up on all kinds of diet tips... that kind of thing. I have learned that eating healthy is neither cheap nor easy! Health food can be damn expensive, especially when a calorie-laden alternative is half the price. But I've decided that it's worth it to me. I know that I can lose weight, having done so in the recent past. I also know that it will be no easy feat. I just have to identify my strengths and weaknesses and use that information accordingly. I know that I am a glutton for instant gratification, and dieting is all about delayed gratification. I also know that my tendency is towards all-or-nothing thinking, and dieting is about small steps over time. So I'm working against my habits and my learning, and hopefully when I have lost a little bit, it will encourage me to keep going.
When I turned 20, I told myself that by 25 I wanted to be a different person -- to have lost the weight I had at that time just regained, to have learned to play the guitar, to have accomplished at least some of the goals I have in mind for myself. Tomorrow is my half birthday -- I will be 23 and a half. And I haven't gotten any closer to any of that. In fact I've slipped further away. So I'm taking a stand, reasserting myself, and taking some steps towards a more positive me. I know I won't be perfect when I hit 25, even if this whole thing is a resounding success. I don't expect I'll ever be perfect. I think that's sort of the point.