Bleach fic: Distorted Reflection - Part IV and Epilogue
Title: Distorted Reflection - Part IV and Epilogue
Author: aviss
Pairing: Grimmjow/Ichigo
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Angst, Psychological
Warning: mind-fuckery abounds, character deaths (not Grimmjow or Ichigo, but quite a few)
Word Count: ~5.000 this part ~13.600 total
Summary: Ichigo has the feeling his life is not what it was supposed to be.
Part I
Part II
Part III
Distorted Reflection - Part IV
Ichigo stared out of the window, watching the wind rustling the trees in the courtyard, the few visitors who came and went into the institution moving slowly, as if walking underwater. Or maybe it was him who was underwater? It didn't seem to matter.
He looked at them, following their motions but unable to stir even the minimum interest for their comings and goings.
They weren't there for him.
No one is coming for you.
Yes, that was right. There was no one there for him.
I am the only one who will always be with you. At least until I become you.
There was something basically wrong with that thought, though he was unable to put his finger on it.
It felt as if he had expected someone to come for him, as if he had really believed someone was going to appear in that place and make the world make sense again.
He might have believed that before, but that had been days ago, and nothing had happened.
No, he was alone and he was going to stay in that place for a long time it seemed, taking those shiny little pills that made the world blurry around the edges and Ichigo not give a fuck about it.
He didn't understand. He had been so sure, so convinced.
You're alone, King.
Yes, he was aware of that. It had all been in his head, like Dr. Yamagawa said. Like the voice in his mind said. What more proof did he need that he was insane and delusional than the fact that he was hearing voices?
He sighed, closing his eyes.
In the back of his closed lids he could see a smirking, colourless face, his mouth openings to utter taunting and mocking words. Ichigo snapped his eyes open.
Afraid of me now?
He ignored the voice, he was getting more and more adept at it each passing day, and counted the leaves falling to the ground, still watching the people walking down the courtyard.
They might not be coming for him, but something told him not to give up and keep watching.
…
Grimmjow scowled at the buildings surrounding him, his hands itching to summon a cero and blast that entire fucking town into nothingness.
Why the fuck had he believed it would be easy to find one pesky shinigami?
Four days. Four whole fucking days searching through Karakura and he had turned up shit all. He was beyond furious now.
The only things he had to help him with the search were a name and a vague memory of overhead conversations. He remembered Yammi, that useless oaf, had lost his arm to that particular shinigami the first time he went to earth. Grimmjow had been pretty amused when he heard that story. At least until his own arm was also lost.
But if the guy was so powerful to take down Yammi without breaking a sweat, how the fuck did he manage to conceal his reaitsu so thoroughly?
He had been sending his pesquisas around the entire town for the past four days, and except for a single hollow unfortunate enough to cross Grimmjow's path when he was feeling angry, he had come up with nothing.
All of Kurosaki's old friends, the ones who would have been able to see Grimmjow and take him to see that Urahara character, had died in the explosion. And this was taking to bloody long for his taste.
Not to mention that Kurosaki's condition had taken a turn for the worse.
Grimmjow had gone back to the institution and had seen Kurosaki staring blindly out of the window, not reacting to his presence at all. It had taken all of Grimmjow's restrain not to beat him up again there and then.
It would have been useless in any case.
As he had said, whatever the fuck they had forced him to take were bad news.
Well, if he couldn't find the shinigami, then he'd make the shinigami find him. One way or the other he was going to get Urahara.
He stopped concealing his reiatsu and picked a derelict building in the outskirts of the town aiming a cero at it and watching it crumble to the ground. Usually he would have just gone for the closest thing at hand, regardless of the humans lives he could destroy, but in that case he'd have to kill straight away whatever shinigami they sent after him.
And everything he was doing would be for naught if he went and killed that Urahara before he fixed Kurosaki.
He sat on the building in front of the rubble to wait. He didn't have to wait long.
"The signal reads Espada, Renji," he heard a voice approaching, and it stirred a faint recognition in him. "It has to be him! There's no one else--"
"It can't be--"
The two shinigami stopped dead in the middle of the rubble, staring straight at Grimmjow with shocked expressions. He knew them, the tiny bitch who followed Kurosaki around like a faithful dog and the loud redhead who was always with her. He smirked; for once luck had been on his side.
"Grimmjow!" the redhead shouted.
"I told you he was alive," the girl said. She was staring at Grimmjow with surprise etched on her face, but there was nothing of the animosity the other one was regarding him with.
In an instant the redhead was in front of Grimmjow, his sword already released and coming at him. Grimmjow blocked the hit barehanded, almost lazily, before getting to his feet and jumping down to where the girl was.
"Rukia!" he heard the guy shouting, the extendable sword flying at him again. Grimmjow side stepped without even looking back, all his attention focused on the girl.
She had her hand on the hilt of her sword, but made no movement to draw it. It seemed she was more level-headed than the other one.
"Renji, stop!" she snapped, darting a quick look over Grimmjow's shoulder, where the reaitsu being released indicated the shinigami was about to unleash his bankai. Fool.
"You," he said, glaring at the girl. "Take me to Kisuke Urahara. Now."
She looked startled for a second before a calculating expression took over her features.
"Why?"
Grimmjow narrowed his eyes, taking a menacing step toward her. Before he could reach her, though, the redhead appeared between them, a fierce scowl on his face.
"You," Grimmjow said looking at the guy, Renji, with barely contained distaste. "Get out of my way before I kill you. I don't want to listen to Kurosaki's rants if I kill one of his friends," he looked at the girl again, "You. Take me to Urahara before I lose my patience."
He didn't miss the shock on their faces when he said Kurosaki's name, not the way Renji called back his sword almost immediately, darting a quick glance at the girl.
"You know where Ichigo is?" she asked, a frown etched on her forehead, her eyes narrowed.
"I do," he said, the last threads of patience close to snapping point. Why was he wasting his time here with these two idiots? "Now take me to that Urahara so he can fix him."
…
He had been standing in front of that damned shop with Urahara under his nose before, Grimmjow realised chagrined the moment they arrived to their destination.
The trip had been quick and silent, the annoying redhead glaring mutinously at Grimmjow the entire way, the girl just leading them to their destination without bothering to check if they were following. Grimmjow had never liked her, and he clearly remembered trying to kill the bitch at least twice, though at that precise moment he didn't mind her that much.
At least she seemed smarter than the other one.
"Urahara-san!" she called pounding the door with her small fist the instant they arrived, "Urahara-san, get your arse out here!"
The door flew open and two weird kids stared at them with narrowed eyes, a dark skinned woman appearing behind them. "What's with the ruckus, Rukia?" she said, scowling, and then her eyes moved to Grimmjow and narrowed as well. "Kisuke!" she shouted, stepping out of the shop.
Grimmjow didn't think much of Urahara Kisuke when he came out. The guy looked normal, from his clothes to his demeanour nothing indicated this guy was a powerful shinigami.
Urahara appeared, a fan half concealing his face and a hat obscuring his eyes, in his other hand he had a cane which his gripped tightly the moment he set eyes on Grimmjow. He lowered the fan, his mouth curling in a smile which was obviously forced by the way his entire body was tense.
"Oh my, Kurosaki-san didn't tell us the entire truth," he said and Grimmjow felt the insane urge to wipe that fake smirk from his face with a punch. "There was an Espada left after all."
Grimmjow narrowed his eyes, taking a menacing step toward Urahara. The girl beat him to it, though, stepping between Grimmjow and the infuriating man and pointing an accusing finger at him.
"He was looking for you," Rukia said, as if that was enough explanation for her taking Grimmjow to him. "And he knows where Ichigo is." She glared heatedly at Urahara, her mouth set in an unforgiving line. "Are you going to tell us the truth about what happened to Ichigo now or do we need to ask him?"
"What do you mean, Rukia?" Renji asked, his eyes narrowing in the direction of Urahara, an expression of puzzlement still lurking under the surface of his growing suspicion.
"I don't believe Ichigo would leave for such a long time without contacting us," she insisted, throwing a sharp look over her shoulder. "He might have needed some time to recover after what happened, but he's not the kind to disappear for a year. And I haven't been able to find him at all. You did something to him."
Urahara took one look at their faces and threw his hands up in surrender. "Fine, I'll tell you. But not here. Come inside," he said, all amusement disappearing from his expression.
Grimmjow looked as everyone entered the shop, and wondered if he should follow. He didn't have any desire to be surrounded by shinigami, and didn't trust them in the slightest.
Especially that Urahara.
"You too, Grimmjow."
There was nothing for it, not if he wanted Kurosaki back to his old self.
Grimmjow followed them.
…
Every single shinigami Grimmjow had known, including Kurosaki Ichigo, was bad news. This lot were also completely insane.
He scowled at the tea cup set in front of him, the rest of the group sitting in a circle around a low table and staring intently at Urahara. What the fuck was that? A bloody tea party? It even had the mad hatter, all things considered.
They were wasting time, and Grimmjow's patience was at an all time's low.
If they didn't get on with it soon he was going to kill the fuckers.
"I didn't lie, not about everything," Urahara said when he was certain he had everyone's attention. "It's just a temporary measure. He needed to take a break from being a shinigami, and after everything that happened I didn't trust Soul Society to just let him be. "
Rukia's expression darkened at those words. She looked as if she wanted to kick Urahara's face. Grimmjow understood the feeling.
"What did you do?" She grated through clenched teeth. The other one, Renji, was also looking at him murderously, his own anger coming off in waves.
"Nothing permanent," Urahara sighed, "and he agreed."
"You took his memories and sealed his reiatsu," Grimmjow finally said, and all eyes turned to him. "Took me fucking forever to find him. Now, go and fix him."
Urahara shook his head. "No. He will come here when he wants his memories back," he said, taking a sip from his cup. The next instant the cup shattered against the floor, hot tea spreading between him and Grimmjow. He had gone for his throat, his patience finally snapping, only to stop at the feel of a sword at his neck.
He had not even seen it drawn, and for the first time he could feel the power inside the shinigami, it made him shiver with the desire to beat him. Urahara didn't look calm or amused anymore, his face held a deadly serious expression.
"That would be a very bad idea, Grimmjow," he said, his tone cold as ice and his eyes hard and flat. "I sealed his reaitsu for a reason, to prevent any rogue arrancar left looking for him as much as to keep him safe from Soul Society. He either lied to me when he said there were no more Espada alive or he didn't know you were around."
Grimmjow narrowed his eyes. "He knew," he spat, refusing to move a single inch back. He wanted to fight Urahara as he hadn't wanted to fight anyone in a long time, but that wouldn't be a good idea given the circumstances.
"Really?"
"Yeah," Grimmjow said, his lips curling in a smirk. "Kind of difficult to miss the guy fucking you is alive."
He heard shocked gasps at his back and a low chuckle coming from the woman. Urahara just stared at him with an arched eyebrow, his sword still resting firmly against Grimmjow's collarbone.
"Even though," he said, "I've left enough clues for him to know where to find me when he wants. If he hasn't come that means he's not ready yet."
"He can't," Grimmjow growled and the sword finally withdrew. Urahara took a step back and looked at him questioningly.
"What do you mean?"
"Kurosaki is locked up in some place full of crazy people, and he wants out. Now, get there and fix him or I'll fucking kill you."
…
Doctor Yamagawa was speaking again.
Sometimes Ichigo wondered if the guy just spoke because he liked the sound of his own voice for all the good his words did to him. He remembered a few days ago he had been unaccountably angry with the doctor, now he just bored Ichigo to tears.
He had not felt anything but weariness and boredom since he started taking the pills.
"You haven't spoken much since we started your medication, Kurosaki-san," the doctor said, looking at him with a sympathetic expression which would have made his blood boil before. Ichigo shrugged.
"I have nothing to say."
"You don't?"
"No."
The doctor looked at him considering for an instant. "You haven't refused your pills since the first time either, why is that?"
Another shrug. "I don't see a reason to."
"So you see why you need to take them now?" The doctor said and he sounded very smug. Ichigo wondered distantly how would it feel to smash his fist on the doctor's face and heard a high pitched laugh in his head.
Yeah, there was that. The doctor seemed smug because he had been right all along. He was insane.
"To keep the delusions at bay," he finally said when the silence stretched uncomfortably.
"So you're not dreaming anymore?"
Ichigo shook his head. "Or at least I don't remember them."
The doctor smiled. "That's good then. What about the other voice?" there was a glint in the doctor's eye Ichigo didn't like at all. But it was of no consequence, if he was insane then the other voice was another delusion.
Maybe he just needed more drugs to keep that one quiet as well. That other voice was annoyingly persistent.
He was about to say something when a knock on the door startled him. He could see by the doctor's expression he had not been expecting it either, and he was far from pleased.
"Doctor Yamagawa?" One of the orderlies opened the door, stepping barely inside. "There's some people here insisting in seeing you."
The doctor scowled. "I'm in the middle of a session."
"I know, but--" the orderly didn't finish the sentence, his eyes suddenly closing and his body sagging forward. A hand encircled his waist and held him upright, the door opening further to reveal two people.
Ichigo blinked. It wasn't possible.
The cavalry. At last.
"Oh my, what perfect timing," Kisuke Urahara said entering the room. Yoruichi was on his heels, holding the unconscious orderly and dragging his body inside the office. They closed the door behind them.
Ichigo stared at them, disbelief etched on his face.
It couldn't be. They weren't real.
"What are you doing here? Who are you? What have you done to him?" The doctor snapped, his eyes moving from the unconscious man propped against his door to the two intruders in his office. He looked torn and terribly angry.
"You!" Ichigo said, his eyes narrowing sharply.
If Urahara was there then he wasn't insane. If he wasn't insane then his dreams were definitely real. And if they were real, then Urahara himself was to blame for him ending up there.
His head began to throb at the realization.
"Kurosaki-san," Urahara said approaching him, "I apologize, I didn't know you were here or I'd come sooner."
The doctor stood up from his desk, his hand going to the button which would call everyone in the building to his office. Yoruichi was next to him in a second, her strong hand curled around his wrist.
"I wouldn't do that, Doctor," she said with a smile that was all teeth. "We just want to take our friend back with us."
"You--you--" the doctor spluttered, his eyes growing impossibly large. "Who are you?"
"That guy over there," Yoruichi said pointing her head to Urahara, "is Kisuke Urahara and I'm Shihouin Yoruichi. The two guys you can't see behind us are Abarai Renji and Kuchiki Rukia. And we are shinigami."
Ichigo was looking around, trying to see Renji and Rukia and at the same time trying to stave off the headache hundreds of forgotten dreams and memories were causing inside his confused brain.
"You don't exist!" The doctor said, though the evidence they did was in front of his eyes. He looked again at the unconscious orderly. He didn't look smug anymore.
"Oh, we do," Urahara said merrily. "And the guy outside your window, be glad you can't see him, the one who looks like he wants to tear you limb from limb, that's Grimmjow. And he also exists."
The doctor sat down again, staring at them with a mixture of fear and disbelief. Ichigo looked out of the window, wishing he could see. He turned to Urahara again. "You are real," he said, and suddenly his mouth felt as if full of cotton, the world blurring around the edges.
"Yes, I'm sorry for all this." He had his hand on the back of Ichigo's neck and a strange feeling was slowly engulfing him, the colours around him sharpening and then swirling around. He closed his eyes against the wave of dizziness and when he opened them again he could see everything.
He looked at Rukia, exactly the way she had been in his dreams, still wearing the same shinigami uniform. Renji was by her side, his lips curling in a smile when he noticed Ichigo was staring at him.
"What did you do to me just now?" Ichigo said, that strange feeling of not giving a fuck about anything leaving him slowly.
"Just a bit of kidou, to remove the reiatsu block," Urahara said. "Your memories will come back a bit slower, but they will come back."
Ichigo nodded and turned to look out of the window. Grimmjow was there, looking at him through narrowed eyes. He also looked exactly the same as he had done in his dreams, from his spiky blue hair to those sharp eyes. Ichigo felt his mouth curl in a smirk.
He was glad to see the bastard.
Later, Shinigami. Grimmjow mouthed before disappearing from sight.
He turned his attention to the doctor, who was staring at him from his desk with a fierce scowl which didn't quite cover his fear.
"Good-bye doctor," he said. He was glad some of the drugs were still in his system, or he would be very tempted to strangle him, though it seemed the release of his reiatsu was quickly making them disappear. He felt more clear-headed than he had done in days. Also, his anger was returning. "I told you I wasn't delusional and they were real." He turned to look at Urahara, who was staring at him with a familiar and annoying smile on his face. "Though I don't believe you will remember them, right Urahara-san?"
He shook his head. "No, I don't think he will."
He got something out of his pocket that stirred a faint recognition in Ichigo, and walked toward the doctor. "Don't worry doctor, this won't hurt."
With one last look at the doctor's scared face, Ichigo turned to the door and finally left that place.
…
Epilogue
It was strange being back to the place where his house used to be. There was nothing there except an empty solar and memories. Ichigo had no use for the former, and he was just getting used to have the latter back.
There was still a lot of anger and sorrow inside of him. His situation had not allowed him to deal with the loss of his family and friends properly. Not while having to worry if he was insane.
It was barely a week since he had left the institution, and he had spent most of that time in Urahara's basement. His memories hadn't come to him at one but in small bouts and leaps, and he was glad for that.
He'd had a week long headache as it was, he didn't want to think how painful would have been to remember all at the same time.
It felt good to be back in his spiritual form. He had not realized how much he had got used to the freedom it gave him leaving his body behind, and the power his spiritual form contained. And the fact that he could move undetected through the streets.
This last part was useful. Especially because he was certain he wasn't going to be alone for long.
Renji and Rukia had stayed for a couple of days, managing to put off returning to Soul society thanks to Byakuya. Urahara had been right at least in one account, Rukia told him, Soul Society had been searching for him since his disappearance. He had to guess, since his friends didn't know the reason, that it was a good thing they didn't find him.
It had been good talking to them, and it helped sort out the memories he was getting back like loose pieces of a puzzle. Somehow the last year in that hideous place felt more like a dream now than his previous ones ever did.
But it had been real, and he still got really pissed off when he remembered how exactly he ended up in that place.
"You're easier to find now, Shinigami," Grimmjow's voice at his back announced the arrival of the bastard he had to thank for that one.
"I wasn't exactly hiding," he said turning to look at him.
He had not seen Grimmjow since that day in the institution, but had been certain Grimmjow would appear again sooner or later. He always did. It wasn't even surprising anymore that the moment he laid his eyes on Grimmjow he felt like slamming him against the closest wall. Whether to beat him bloody or fuck him senseless was never completely clear to him.
Most of the times they were the same thing.
"We have some unfinished business, Shinigami," Grimmjow said, stalking to him in a way that put him to mind of a large cat approaching his prey. The smile on his lips was nothing short of feral and it made Ichigo's blood boil with desire. "It's been a long time."
He gritted his teeth, willing his body to behave. "And who do you think I have to thank for that, Grimmjow?" he asked snidely.
Grimmjow cocked an eyebrow at him. "It was that Urahara who left you in that condition, Kurosaki."
"It was you beating the shit out of me what landed me in the fucking loony bin, you bastard!" he finally snapped, taking the remaining step separating him from Grimmjow and pushing him against a wall.
"I don't like being ignored," Grimmjow said harshly, and to Ichigo he sounded like a petulant child.
He took another step forward, his face scant inches from Grimmjow. "I couldn't see you, you idiot!"
Grimmjow glared at him and then he grabbed Ichigo's head and mashed their mouths together. "You can see me now," he growled against Ichigo's mouth, "and you can touch me."
Ichigo opened his mouth and let Grimmjow's tongue invade it, engaging it in a dominance battle he really didn't mind losing. He pressed himself more firmly against Grimmjow's body, the heat radiating off him in waves.
"Yes, and I can fuck you," he said moving his mouth to nip at Grimmjow's neck, his hands already working on divesting him of his clothes.
It was a good thing they were both invisible to the people moving around them on the street, though the idea of someone with enough reiatsu to spot them didn't bother him much. If anything, it just excited him more.
"I believe I called that one, Kurosaki," Grimmjow said, gripping his shoulders and reversing their positions.
He let himself being manhandled, too excited to care who was going to fuck who at the time. There was always time for a little revenge later, and he had wanted Grimmjow. Even if he hadn't been certain Grimmjow was real then.
Their clothes were disposed of in no time, and Ichigo wrestled them both to the ground, rolling until he was pinned under Grimmjow's body. His mouth was insistent and he was feeling slightly light headed, the friction of their bodies and the sensation of all that skin against his almost too much to bear. It had been a long time.
Grimmjow broke the kiss, one of his hands leaving Ichigo's body only to return slightly coated with saliva. Ichigo spread his legs eagerly, and arched up at the feeling of those fingers pushing into him with quick and efficient moves. They were too anxious to care about proper preparation, but it had been a year and he didn't want to end up badly hurt. He was surprised Grimmjow was even bothering to prepare him.
An eternity later, all too soon, the finger withdrew and Grimmjow was pushing inside of him. Ichigo stiffened at the burning pain, forcing himself to relax against the intrusion, and grabbed Grimmjow's head, kissing him savagely.
"Move," he snarled against Grimmjow's mouth when the pain ebbed away, and Grimmjow complied readily.
It was hard and fast from there, Ichigo's back scraping against the hard ground with each thrust, his nails digging in Grimmjow's back. It had been too fucking long.
It was over too soon, Grimmjow pounding him while he kissed savagely, biting his lips until Ichigo was mindless with need. And then there was a hand around his cock, pulling hard, and he was coming, his shout muffled against Grimmjow's mouth. Grimmjow thrust inside of him a few more times before stiffening and coming, slumping on top of Ichigo's body without a care for his comfort.
"That was good, Kurosaki," he said, and he sounded so smug Ichigo wanted to kill him.
"Yeah, now get off me."
They dressed again in silence, Ichigo looking at the solar where his house used to be and then sliding down the wall, his eyes closed. He had just done the exact same thing he did last time, but he couldn't get himself to regret it. It wouldn't bring his family back, and this at least reminded him he was alive.
His sanity was still questionable, though.
"I still want to kill that Urahara," Grimmjow said breaking the silence, and Ichigo saw he was sitting next to him, leaning against the wall as well.
He barked a laugh. "You can't kill Urahara, he's stronger than I am and you can't kill me."
Grimmjow glared at him.
"He'd kill you without even releasing his bankai," Ichigo continued seeing how Grimmjow's eyes narrowed, he was enjoying this.
Grimmjow smirked. "Jealous, Kurosaki?"
"Yes," he said, "the one who's going to kill you is going to be me."
He leaned toward Grimmjow and grabbed the front of his shirt, pulling him closer. The kiss wasn't sweet and gentle but hard and possessive, exactly the way he liked it. He wasn't expecting romance, but he had learned a couple of things about himself inside the institution.
"Just so long as you remember I will be the one to kill you," Grimmjow said breaking the kiss and looking at him hungrily. "You're mine."
"I fucking hate you," Ichigo said with feeling and Grimmjow had the nerve to laugh.
"I know. Almost as much as I hate you." Grimmjow stood up, casting a last amused look at Ichigo. "I have no use for love, Ichigo. Hate though, yeah. Hate me as much as you want. Hate only me," he said before disappearing.
Ichigo stayed there, staring at the empty place where Grimmjow had been a second before. He laughed, shaking his head.
Grimmjow would be back, of that he was certain. And he couldn't wait for the next encounter.
Maybe he should consider going back to the institution after all.
He was insane enough to warrant it.
…
Fin
Author: aviss
Pairing: Grimmjow/Ichigo
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Angst, Psychological
Warning: mind-fuckery abounds, character deaths (not Grimmjow or Ichigo, but quite a few)
Word Count: ~5.000 this part ~13.600 total
Summary: Ichigo has the feeling his life is not what it was supposed to be.
Part I
Part II
Part III
Distorted Reflection - Part IV
Ichigo stared out of the window, watching the wind rustling the trees in the courtyard, the few visitors who came and went into the institution moving slowly, as if walking underwater. Or maybe it was him who was underwater? It didn't seem to matter.
He looked at them, following their motions but unable to stir even the minimum interest for their comings and goings.
They weren't there for him.
No one is coming for you.
Yes, that was right. There was no one there for him.
I am the only one who will always be with you. At least until I become you.
There was something basically wrong with that thought, though he was unable to put his finger on it.
It felt as if he had expected someone to come for him, as if he had really believed someone was going to appear in that place and make the world make sense again.
He might have believed that before, but that had been days ago, and nothing had happened.
No, he was alone and he was going to stay in that place for a long time it seemed, taking those shiny little pills that made the world blurry around the edges and Ichigo not give a fuck about it.
He didn't understand. He had been so sure, so convinced.
You're alone, King.
Yes, he was aware of that. It had all been in his head, like Dr. Yamagawa said. Like the voice in his mind said. What more proof did he need that he was insane and delusional than the fact that he was hearing voices?
He sighed, closing his eyes.
In the back of his closed lids he could see a smirking, colourless face, his mouth openings to utter taunting and mocking words. Ichigo snapped his eyes open.
Afraid of me now?
He ignored the voice, he was getting more and more adept at it each passing day, and counted the leaves falling to the ground, still watching the people walking down the courtyard.
They might not be coming for him, but something told him not to give up and keep watching.
…
Grimmjow scowled at the buildings surrounding him, his hands itching to summon a cero and blast that entire fucking town into nothingness.
Why the fuck had he believed it would be easy to find one pesky shinigami?
Four days. Four whole fucking days searching through Karakura and he had turned up shit all. He was beyond furious now.
The only things he had to help him with the search were a name and a vague memory of overhead conversations. He remembered Yammi, that useless oaf, had lost his arm to that particular shinigami the first time he went to earth. Grimmjow had been pretty amused when he heard that story. At least until his own arm was also lost.
But if the guy was so powerful to take down Yammi without breaking a sweat, how the fuck did he manage to conceal his reaitsu so thoroughly?
He had been sending his pesquisas around the entire town for the past four days, and except for a single hollow unfortunate enough to cross Grimmjow's path when he was feeling angry, he had come up with nothing.
All of Kurosaki's old friends, the ones who would have been able to see Grimmjow and take him to see that Urahara character, had died in the explosion. And this was taking to bloody long for his taste.
Not to mention that Kurosaki's condition had taken a turn for the worse.
Grimmjow had gone back to the institution and had seen Kurosaki staring blindly out of the window, not reacting to his presence at all. It had taken all of Grimmjow's restrain not to beat him up again there and then.
It would have been useless in any case.
As he had said, whatever the fuck they had forced him to take were bad news.
Well, if he couldn't find the shinigami, then he'd make the shinigami find him. One way or the other he was going to get Urahara.
He stopped concealing his reiatsu and picked a derelict building in the outskirts of the town aiming a cero at it and watching it crumble to the ground. Usually he would have just gone for the closest thing at hand, regardless of the humans lives he could destroy, but in that case he'd have to kill straight away whatever shinigami they sent after him.
And everything he was doing would be for naught if he went and killed that Urahara before he fixed Kurosaki.
He sat on the building in front of the rubble to wait. He didn't have to wait long.
"The signal reads Espada, Renji," he heard a voice approaching, and it stirred a faint recognition in him. "It has to be him! There's no one else--"
"It can't be--"
The two shinigami stopped dead in the middle of the rubble, staring straight at Grimmjow with shocked expressions. He knew them, the tiny bitch who followed Kurosaki around like a faithful dog and the loud redhead who was always with her. He smirked; for once luck had been on his side.
"Grimmjow!" the redhead shouted.
"I told you he was alive," the girl said. She was staring at Grimmjow with surprise etched on her face, but there was nothing of the animosity the other one was regarding him with.
In an instant the redhead was in front of Grimmjow, his sword already released and coming at him. Grimmjow blocked the hit barehanded, almost lazily, before getting to his feet and jumping down to where the girl was.
"Rukia!" he heard the guy shouting, the extendable sword flying at him again. Grimmjow side stepped without even looking back, all his attention focused on the girl.
She had her hand on the hilt of her sword, but made no movement to draw it. It seemed she was more level-headed than the other one.
"Renji, stop!" she snapped, darting a quick look over Grimmjow's shoulder, where the reaitsu being released indicated the shinigami was about to unleash his bankai. Fool.
"You," he said, glaring at the girl. "Take me to Kisuke Urahara. Now."
She looked startled for a second before a calculating expression took over her features.
"Why?"
Grimmjow narrowed his eyes, taking a menacing step toward her. Before he could reach her, though, the redhead appeared between them, a fierce scowl on his face.
"You," Grimmjow said looking at the guy, Renji, with barely contained distaste. "Get out of my way before I kill you. I don't want to listen to Kurosaki's rants if I kill one of his friends," he looked at the girl again, "You. Take me to Urahara before I lose my patience."
He didn't miss the shock on their faces when he said Kurosaki's name, not the way Renji called back his sword almost immediately, darting a quick glance at the girl.
"You know where Ichigo is?" she asked, a frown etched on her forehead, her eyes narrowed.
"I do," he said, the last threads of patience close to snapping point. Why was he wasting his time here with these two idiots? "Now take me to that Urahara so he can fix him."
…
He had been standing in front of that damned shop with Urahara under his nose before, Grimmjow realised chagrined the moment they arrived to their destination.
The trip had been quick and silent, the annoying redhead glaring mutinously at Grimmjow the entire way, the girl just leading them to their destination without bothering to check if they were following. Grimmjow had never liked her, and he clearly remembered trying to kill the bitch at least twice, though at that precise moment he didn't mind her that much.
At least she seemed smarter than the other one.
"Urahara-san!" she called pounding the door with her small fist the instant they arrived, "Urahara-san, get your arse out here!"
The door flew open and two weird kids stared at them with narrowed eyes, a dark skinned woman appearing behind them. "What's with the ruckus, Rukia?" she said, scowling, and then her eyes moved to Grimmjow and narrowed as well. "Kisuke!" she shouted, stepping out of the shop.
Grimmjow didn't think much of Urahara Kisuke when he came out. The guy looked normal, from his clothes to his demeanour nothing indicated this guy was a powerful shinigami.
Urahara appeared, a fan half concealing his face and a hat obscuring his eyes, in his other hand he had a cane which his gripped tightly the moment he set eyes on Grimmjow. He lowered the fan, his mouth curling in a smile which was obviously forced by the way his entire body was tense.
"Oh my, Kurosaki-san didn't tell us the entire truth," he said and Grimmjow felt the insane urge to wipe that fake smirk from his face with a punch. "There was an Espada left after all."
Grimmjow narrowed his eyes, taking a menacing step toward Urahara. The girl beat him to it, though, stepping between Grimmjow and the infuriating man and pointing an accusing finger at him.
"He was looking for you," Rukia said, as if that was enough explanation for her taking Grimmjow to him. "And he knows where Ichigo is." She glared heatedly at Urahara, her mouth set in an unforgiving line. "Are you going to tell us the truth about what happened to Ichigo now or do we need to ask him?"
"What do you mean, Rukia?" Renji asked, his eyes narrowing in the direction of Urahara, an expression of puzzlement still lurking under the surface of his growing suspicion.
"I don't believe Ichigo would leave for such a long time without contacting us," she insisted, throwing a sharp look over her shoulder. "He might have needed some time to recover after what happened, but he's not the kind to disappear for a year. And I haven't been able to find him at all. You did something to him."
Urahara took one look at their faces and threw his hands up in surrender. "Fine, I'll tell you. But not here. Come inside," he said, all amusement disappearing from his expression.
Grimmjow looked as everyone entered the shop, and wondered if he should follow. He didn't have any desire to be surrounded by shinigami, and didn't trust them in the slightest.
Especially that Urahara.
"You too, Grimmjow."
There was nothing for it, not if he wanted Kurosaki back to his old self.
Grimmjow followed them.
…
Every single shinigami Grimmjow had known, including Kurosaki Ichigo, was bad news. This lot were also completely insane.
He scowled at the tea cup set in front of him, the rest of the group sitting in a circle around a low table and staring intently at Urahara. What the fuck was that? A bloody tea party? It even had the mad hatter, all things considered.
They were wasting time, and Grimmjow's patience was at an all time's low.
If they didn't get on with it soon he was going to kill the fuckers.
"I didn't lie, not about everything," Urahara said when he was certain he had everyone's attention. "It's just a temporary measure. He needed to take a break from being a shinigami, and after everything that happened I didn't trust Soul Society to just let him be. "
Rukia's expression darkened at those words. She looked as if she wanted to kick Urahara's face. Grimmjow understood the feeling.
"What did you do?" She grated through clenched teeth. The other one, Renji, was also looking at him murderously, his own anger coming off in waves.
"Nothing permanent," Urahara sighed, "and he agreed."
"You took his memories and sealed his reiatsu," Grimmjow finally said, and all eyes turned to him. "Took me fucking forever to find him. Now, go and fix him."
Urahara shook his head. "No. He will come here when he wants his memories back," he said, taking a sip from his cup. The next instant the cup shattered against the floor, hot tea spreading between him and Grimmjow. He had gone for his throat, his patience finally snapping, only to stop at the feel of a sword at his neck.
He had not even seen it drawn, and for the first time he could feel the power inside the shinigami, it made him shiver with the desire to beat him. Urahara didn't look calm or amused anymore, his face held a deadly serious expression.
"That would be a very bad idea, Grimmjow," he said, his tone cold as ice and his eyes hard and flat. "I sealed his reaitsu for a reason, to prevent any rogue arrancar left looking for him as much as to keep him safe from Soul Society. He either lied to me when he said there were no more Espada alive or he didn't know you were around."
Grimmjow narrowed his eyes. "He knew," he spat, refusing to move a single inch back. He wanted to fight Urahara as he hadn't wanted to fight anyone in a long time, but that wouldn't be a good idea given the circumstances.
"Really?"
"Yeah," Grimmjow said, his lips curling in a smirk. "Kind of difficult to miss the guy fucking you is alive."
He heard shocked gasps at his back and a low chuckle coming from the woman. Urahara just stared at him with an arched eyebrow, his sword still resting firmly against Grimmjow's collarbone.
"Even though," he said, "I've left enough clues for him to know where to find me when he wants. If he hasn't come that means he's not ready yet."
"He can't," Grimmjow growled and the sword finally withdrew. Urahara took a step back and looked at him questioningly.
"What do you mean?"
"Kurosaki is locked up in some place full of crazy people, and he wants out. Now, get there and fix him or I'll fucking kill you."
…
Doctor Yamagawa was speaking again.
Sometimes Ichigo wondered if the guy just spoke because he liked the sound of his own voice for all the good his words did to him. He remembered a few days ago he had been unaccountably angry with the doctor, now he just bored Ichigo to tears.
He had not felt anything but weariness and boredom since he started taking the pills.
"You haven't spoken much since we started your medication, Kurosaki-san," the doctor said, looking at him with a sympathetic expression which would have made his blood boil before. Ichigo shrugged.
"I have nothing to say."
"You don't?"
"No."
The doctor looked at him considering for an instant. "You haven't refused your pills since the first time either, why is that?"
Another shrug. "I don't see a reason to."
"So you see why you need to take them now?" The doctor said and he sounded very smug. Ichigo wondered distantly how would it feel to smash his fist on the doctor's face and heard a high pitched laugh in his head.
Yeah, there was that. The doctor seemed smug because he had been right all along. He was insane.
"To keep the delusions at bay," he finally said when the silence stretched uncomfortably.
"So you're not dreaming anymore?"
Ichigo shook his head. "Or at least I don't remember them."
The doctor smiled. "That's good then. What about the other voice?" there was a glint in the doctor's eye Ichigo didn't like at all. But it was of no consequence, if he was insane then the other voice was another delusion.
Maybe he just needed more drugs to keep that one quiet as well. That other voice was annoyingly persistent.
He was about to say something when a knock on the door startled him. He could see by the doctor's expression he had not been expecting it either, and he was far from pleased.
"Doctor Yamagawa?" One of the orderlies opened the door, stepping barely inside. "There's some people here insisting in seeing you."
The doctor scowled. "I'm in the middle of a session."
"I know, but--" the orderly didn't finish the sentence, his eyes suddenly closing and his body sagging forward. A hand encircled his waist and held him upright, the door opening further to reveal two people.
Ichigo blinked. It wasn't possible.
The cavalry. At last.
"Oh my, what perfect timing," Kisuke Urahara said entering the room. Yoruichi was on his heels, holding the unconscious orderly and dragging his body inside the office. They closed the door behind them.
Ichigo stared at them, disbelief etched on his face.
It couldn't be. They weren't real.
"What are you doing here? Who are you? What have you done to him?" The doctor snapped, his eyes moving from the unconscious man propped against his door to the two intruders in his office. He looked torn and terribly angry.
"You!" Ichigo said, his eyes narrowing sharply.
If Urahara was there then he wasn't insane. If he wasn't insane then his dreams were definitely real. And if they were real, then Urahara himself was to blame for him ending up there.
His head began to throb at the realization.
"Kurosaki-san," Urahara said approaching him, "I apologize, I didn't know you were here or I'd come sooner."
The doctor stood up from his desk, his hand going to the button which would call everyone in the building to his office. Yoruichi was next to him in a second, her strong hand curled around his wrist.
"I wouldn't do that, Doctor," she said with a smile that was all teeth. "We just want to take our friend back with us."
"You--you--" the doctor spluttered, his eyes growing impossibly large. "Who are you?"
"That guy over there," Yoruichi said pointing her head to Urahara, "is Kisuke Urahara and I'm Shihouin Yoruichi. The two guys you can't see behind us are Abarai Renji and Kuchiki Rukia. And we are shinigami."
Ichigo was looking around, trying to see Renji and Rukia and at the same time trying to stave off the headache hundreds of forgotten dreams and memories were causing inside his confused brain.
"You don't exist!" The doctor said, though the evidence they did was in front of his eyes. He looked again at the unconscious orderly. He didn't look smug anymore.
"Oh, we do," Urahara said merrily. "And the guy outside your window, be glad you can't see him, the one who looks like he wants to tear you limb from limb, that's Grimmjow. And he also exists."
The doctor sat down again, staring at them with a mixture of fear and disbelief. Ichigo looked out of the window, wishing he could see. He turned to Urahara again. "You are real," he said, and suddenly his mouth felt as if full of cotton, the world blurring around the edges.
"Yes, I'm sorry for all this." He had his hand on the back of Ichigo's neck and a strange feeling was slowly engulfing him, the colours around him sharpening and then swirling around. He closed his eyes against the wave of dizziness and when he opened them again he could see everything.
He looked at Rukia, exactly the way she had been in his dreams, still wearing the same shinigami uniform. Renji was by her side, his lips curling in a smile when he noticed Ichigo was staring at him.
"What did you do to me just now?" Ichigo said, that strange feeling of not giving a fuck about anything leaving him slowly.
"Just a bit of kidou, to remove the reiatsu block," Urahara said. "Your memories will come back a bit slower, but they will come back."
Ichigo nodded and turned to look out of the window. Grimmjow was there, looking at him through narrowed eyes. He also looked exactly the same as he had done in his dreams, from his spiky blue hair to those sharp eyes. Ichigo felt his mouth curl in a smirk.
He was glad to see the bastard.
Later, Shinigami. Grimmjow mouthed before disappearing from sight.
He turned his attention to the doctor, who was staring at him from his desk with a fierce scowl which didn't quite cover his fear.
"Good-bye doctor," he said. He was glad some of the drugs were still in his system, or he would be very tempted to strangle him, though it seemed the release of his reiatsu was quickly making them disappear. He felt more clear-headed than he had done in days. Also, his anger was returning. "I told you I wasn't delusional and they were real." He turned to look at Urahara, who was staring at him with a familiar and annoying smile on his face. "Though I don't believe you will remember them, right Urahara-san?"
He shook his head. "No, I don't think he will."
He got something out of his pocket that stirred a faint recognition in Ichigo, and walked toward the doctor. "Don't worry doctor, this won't hurt."
With one last look at the doctor's scared face, Ichigo turned to the door and finally left that place.
…
Epilogue
It was strange being back to the place where his house used to be. There was nothing there except an empty solar and memories. Ichigo had no use for the former, and he was just getting used to have the latter back.
There was still a lot of anger and sorrow inside of him. His situation had not allowed him to deal with the loss of his family and friends properly. Not while having to worry if he was insane.
It was barely a week since he had left the institution, and he had spent most of that time in Urahara's basement. His memories hadn't come to him at one but in small bouts and leaps, and he was glad for that.
He'd had a week long headache as it was, he didn't want to think how painful would have been to remember all at the same time.
It felt good to be back in his spiritual form. He had not realized how much he had got used to the freedom it gave him leaving his body behind, and the power his spiritual form contained. And the fact that he could move undetected through the streets.
This last part was useful. Especially because he was certain he wasn't going to be alone for long.
Renji and Rukia had stayed for a couple of days, managing to put off returning to Soul society thanks to Byakuya. Urahara had been right at least in one account, Rukia told him, Soul Society had been searching for him since his disappearance. He had to guess, since his friends didn't know the reason, that it was a good thing they didn't find him.
It had been good talking to them, and it helped sort out the memories he was getting back like loose pieces of a puzzle. Somehow the last year in that hideous place felt more like a dream now than his previous ones ever did.
But it had been real, and he still got really pissed off when he remembered how exactly he ended up in that place.
"You're easier to find now, Shinigami," Grimmjow's voice at his back announced the arrival of the bastard he had to thank for that one.
"I wasn't exactly hiding," he said turning to look at him.
He had not seen Grimmjow since that day in the institution, but had been certain Grimmjow would appear again sooner or later. He always did. It wasn't even surprising anymore that the moment he laid his eyes on Grimmjow he felt like slamming him against the closest wall. Whether to beat him bloody or fuck him senseless was never completely clear to him.
Most of the times they were the same thing.
"We have some unfinished business, Shinigami," Grimmjow said, stalking to him in a way that put him to mind of a large cat approaching his prey. The smile on his lips was nothing short of feral and it made Ichigo's blood boil with desire. "It's been a long time."
He gritted his teeth, willing his body to behave. "And who do you think I have to thank for that, Grimmjow?" he asked snidely.
Grimmjow cocked an eyebrow at him. "It was that Urahara who left you in that condition, Kurosaki."
"It was you beating the shit out of me what landed me in the fucking loony bin, you bastard!" he finally snapped, taking the remaining step separating him from Grimmjow and pushing him against a wall.
"I don't like being ignored," Grimmjow said harshly, and to Ichigo he sounded like a petulant child.
He took another step forward, his face scant inches from Grimmjow. "I couldn't see you, you idiot!"
Grimmjow glared at him and then he grabbed Ichigo's head and mashed their mouths together. "You can see me now," he growled against Ichigo's mouth, "and you can touch me."
Ichigo opened his mouth and let Grimmjow's tongue invade it, engaging it in a dominance battle he really didn't mind losing. He pressed himself more firmly against Grimmjow's body, the heat radiating off him in waves.
"Yes, and I can fuck you," he said moving his mouth to nip at Grimmjow's neck, his hands already working on divesting him of his clothes.
It was a good thing they were both invisible to the people moving around them on the street, though the idea of someone with enough reiatsu to spot them didn't bother him much. If anything, it just excited him more.
"I believe I called that one, Kurosaki," Grimmjow said, gripping his shoulders and reversing their positions.
He let himself being manhandled, too excited to care who was going to fuck who at the time. There was always time for a little revenge later, and he had wanted Grimmjow. Even if he hadn't been certain Grimmjow was real then.
Their clothes were disposed of in no time, and Ichigo wrestled them both to the ground, rolling until he was pinned under Grimmjow's body. His mouth was insistent and he was feeling slightly light headed, the friction of their bodies and the sensation of all that skin against his almost too much to bear. It had been a long time.
Grimmjow broke the kiss, one of his hands leaving Ichigo's body only to return slightly coated with saliva. Ichigo spread his legs eagerly, and arched up at the feeling of those fingers pushing into him with quick and efficient moves. They were too anxious to care about proper preparation, but it had been a year and he didn't want to end up badly hurt. He was surprised Grimmjow was even bothering to prepare him.
An eternity later, all too soon, the finger withdrew and Grimmjow was pushing inside of him. Ichigo stiffened at the burning pain, forcing himself to relax against the intrusion, and grabbed Grimmjow's head, kissing him savagely.
"Move," he snarled against Grimmjow's mouth when the pain ebbed away, and Grimmjow complied readily.
It was hard and fast from there, Ichigo's back scraping against the hard ground with each thrust, his nails digging in Grimmjow's back. It had been too fucking long.
It was over too soon, Grimmjow pounding him while he kissed savagely, biting his lips until Ichigo was mindless with need. And then there was a hand around his cock, pulling hard, and he was coming, his shout muffled against Grimmjow's mouth. Grimmjow thrust inside of him a few more times before stiffening and coming, slumping on top of Ichigo's body without a care for his comfort.
"That was good, Kurosaki," he said, and he sounded so smug Ichigo wanted to kill him.
"Yeah, now get off me."
They dressed again in silence, Ichigo looking at the solar where his house used to be and then sliding down the wall, his eyes closed. He had just done the exact same thing he did last time, but he couldn't get himself to regret it. It wouldn't bring his family back, and this at least reminded him he was alive.
His sanity was still questionable, though.
"I still want to kill that Urahara," Grimmjow said breaking the silence, and Ichigo saw he was sitting next to him, leaning against the wall as well.
He barked a laugh. "You can't kill Urahara, he's stronger than I am and you can't kill me."
Grimmjow glared at him.
"He'd kill you without even releasing his bankai," Ichigo continued seeing how Grimmjow's eyes narrowed, he was enjoying this.
Grimmjow smirked. "Jealous, Kurosaki?"
"Yes," he said, "the one who's going to kill you is going to be me."
He leaned toward Grimmjow and grabbed the front of his shirt, pulling him closer. The kiss wasn't sweet and gentle but hard and possessive, exactly the way he liked it. He wasn't expecting romance, but he had learned a couple of things about himself inside the institution.
"Just so long as you remember I will be the one to kill you," Grimmjow said breaking the kiss and looking at him hungrily. "You're mine."
"I fucking hate you," Ichigo said with feeling and Grimmjow had the nerve to laugh.
"I know. Almost as much as I hate you." Grimmjow stood up, casting a last amused look at Ichigo. "I have no use for love, Ichigo. Hate though, yeah. Hate me as much as you want. Hate only me," he said before disappearing.
Ichigo stayed there, staring at the empty place where Grimmjow had been a second before. He laughed, shaking his head.
Grimmjow would be back, of that he was certain. And he couldn't wait for the next encounter.
Maybe he should consider going back to the institution after all.
He was insane enough to warrant it.
…
Fin