Bloody Christ
Another day of work down. This makes three in a row, meaning I have only two more before I get a day off! Of course, this is only off work, as I'm also a full-time student. But I do think I can manage, and it amazes me to think that I've actually been working good hours and doing a respectable job! All those months of unemployment, I guess I kind of let the idea of having a job become another pipe dream of mine. I applied places and talked about it, sure, but it never really seemed like things would get off the ground. That's what lots of things in my life seem to slide into.
And I guess that's been a central thing in my life lately: I need not only to take my current situation and make the best of it, I need to actively think about my future. Ambition isn't only good for the speculative value, I guess I'm trying to say, but it has certainly felt that way for me a lot in the past. I just kind of signed up for classes this semester without thinking about a major, for example. As well, I just kind of quit my decent-paying job at Star without thinking about the future and potential obligations for which I would need money.
It's not at all the case that I was sitting back and doing nothing, either. It's kind of strange to think about it, but for the past couple years, I've been rather conscientious about the responsibilities I've taken on--I brought my 2.7 GPA up to a 3.6, for example--but I haven't been all that conscientious about assigning myself new responsibilities as needed. Case in point: I pissed away most of my $3,000 I saved from my job at Star on various pieces of junk--incidentally, this definitely does not include my acoustic guitar, which I adore--and then found myself essentially penniless and needing a stable ride to get to/from school.
I still have my share of vices to shed, too, even though I've realized this.
In somewhat related news, it seems like most people are more uptight than I am about religion. I'm one of the most uptight people you'll ever meet, but I'm comfortable with the beliefs I have and the beliefs I don't, even if those beliefs continue to spark my curiosity. My coworkers, for example, seem to think it's a big deal that they're agnostic or atheist or whatever the hell they are. One of them explained his beliefs to me in a tone that made it sound like he thought I'd never heard of an atheist before. It's like, "Dude, that's fine. You believe what you believe." I'll discuss it if you want, sure, but I'm not shocked that one would have the audacity to believe--or disbelieve--in the Christian religion.
I wonder sometimes whether I have a hidden anger toward organized religion. It just seems that so many people of similar spiritual beliefs detest it, but I can't bring myself to really muster hatred. Sure, it's a bit frustrating that the Church put Galileo under house arrest for having the gall to venture a guess that the earth wasn't at the center of the universe. For that matter, I can't say I understand the rationale behind the jurors who voted to execute Socrates, who was, as far as I'm concerned, one of the greatest teachers who ever lived. (The charges ranged from teaching atheism to teaching about spiritual concepts not sanctioned by the state.) And if The Passion of the Christ is any indication, even my dawg Jesus was pwned by overzealous Jews who couldn't bear the thought of some normal-looking chap being their savior.
I guess maybe I chalk that shit up to human nature or perhaps its corruption thereof--and that corruption is due to the apparent fact that, as Nietzsche put it, "In individuals, insanity is rare; but in groups, parties, nations, and epochs it is the rule." Maybe that's the "organized" in "organized religion," I guess, but I'm not mad at religion in particular.
"But Joe, it's the religions that bring people together and give them that kind of drive." Yeah, maybe. Maybe. Maybe. And maybe your face is a fucking ostrich. Maybe I should be more angry.
I guess it's something to explore. Well, in being angry at groups (or even just religious groups), I'd probably have to be angry at some decision that people made to need some kind of closure to their questions. Isn't that the same basic thing that drives philosophers, scientists, and that Straight Dope guy to do what they do? People just want answers and they believe they've found answers, and BAM. Violence, violence, violence.
I can't really separate religion and science as much as some people want to, I have to confess. Both require a good amount of faith, of course--albeit a more empirically-based faith in the case of science--and both ultimately seek to gives answers to ontological questions. It seems to me that philosophy is a kind of outgrowth of religion in a lot of ways, and it's well-known that the sciences rose from different branches of philosophy. There could be fundamental differences for which I'm not accounting, but I'd rather believe that we all seek the truth and our natures guide us on different paths, any or all of which may be correct.
Oh, and a kind of funny thing I realized. I told Porath that religious people could, in fact, be right about the nature of being and all that garbage and he replied, "Yeah, but even if they are right, they don't know they're right."
I had to think about that one for a bit before I realized that he was talking about knowledge in the empirical sense. They haven't conducted experiments with beakers and diagrams and equations and fat chemistry teachers, so they can't demonstrate that they're right. In order to say that, though, you have to put faith in the scientific method and the capability of scientific concepts to uncover basic truths about existence. And in my mind--and see if this makes any sense to you--good Christians know they're right even if they aren't right. That's what faith is!
And I guess that's been a central thing in my life lately: I need not only to take my current situation and make the best of it, I need to actively think about my future. Ambition isn't only good for the speculative value, I guess I'm trying to say, but it has certainly felt that way for me a lot in the past. I just kind of signed up for classes this semester without thinking about a major, for example. As well, I just kind of quit my decent-paying job at Star without thinking about the future and potential obligations for which I would need money.
It's not at all the case that I was sitting back and doing nothing, either. It's kind of strange to think about it, but for the past couple years, I've been rather conscientious about the responsibilities I've taken on--I brought my 2.7 GPA up to a 3.6, for example--but I haven't been all that conscientious about assigning myself new responsibilities as needed. Case in point: I pissed away most of my $3,000 I saved from my job at Star on various pieces of junk--incidentally, this definitely does not include my acoustic guitar, which I adore--and then found myself essentially penniless and needing a stable ride to get to/from school.
I still have my share of vices to shed, too, even though I've realized this.
- I want to cut down even further on my extraneous spending, save for the occasional DVD or CD--I need to somehow support all those artists I so shamelessly steal from.
- I want to stop doubting myself at work: it's obvious I'm catching on quickly, and with a bit more focus I could be an extremely good employee--and that means more hours, perhaps.
- I want to stop looking at my music with such a defeatist attitude; I'm beginning to realize that I have a gift, however modest it may be, and composing and playing music is one of the utmost joys in my life. Unlike with my experiences with art, I have an intrinsic desire to keep writing and playing that cannot be defeated with harsh criticism.
- I want to stop second-guessing my major. I know at this point that no other subjects interest me nearly so much as do philosophy and Japanese. It is my responsibility to find out everything I can about both majors and move forward with one or both.
In somewhat related news, it seems like most people are more uptight than I am about religion. I'm one of the most uptight people you'll ever meet, but I'm comfortable with the beliefs I have and the beliefs I don't, even if those beliefs continue to spark my curiosity. My coworkers, for example, seem to think it's a big deal that they're agnostic or atheist or whatever the hell they are. One of them explained his beliefs to me in a tone that made it sound like he thought I'd never heard of an atheist before. It's like, "Dude, that's fine. You believe what you believe." I'll discuss it if you want, sure, but I'm not shocked that one would have the audacity to believe--or disbelieve--in the Christian religion.
I wonder sometimes whether I have a hidden anger toward organized religion. It just seems that so many people of similar spiritual beliefs detest it, but I can't bring myself to really muster hatred. Sure, it's a bit frustrating that the Church put Galileo under house arrest for having the gall to venture a guess that the earth wasn't at the center of the universe. For that matter, I can't say I understand the rationale behind the jurors who voted to execute Socrates, who was, as far as I'm concerned, one of the greatest teachers who ever lived. (The charges ranged from teaching atheism to teaching about spiritual concepts not sanctioned by the state.) And if The Passion of the Christ is any indication, even my dawg Jesus was pwned by overzealous Jews who couldn't bear the thought of some normal-looking chap being their savior.
I guess maybe I chalk that shit up to human nature or perhaps its corruption thereof--and that corruption is due to the apparent fact that, as Nietzsche put it, "In individuals, insanity is rare; but in groups, parties, nations, and epochs it is the rule." Maybe that's the "organized" in "organized religion," I guess, but I'm not mad at religion in particular.
"But Joe, it's the religions that bring people together and give them that kind of drive." Yeah, maybe. Maybe. Maybe. And maybe your face is a fucking ostrich. Maybe I should be more angry.
I guess it's something to explore. Well, in being angry at groups (or even just religious groups), I'd probably have to be angry at some decision that people made to need some kind of closure to their questions. Isn't that the same basic thing that drives philosophers, scientists, and that Straight Dope guy to do what they do? People just want answers and they believe they've found answers, and BAM. Violence, violence, violence.
I can't really separate religion and science as much as some people want to, I have to confess. Both require a good amount of faith, of course--albeit a more empirically-based faith in the case of science--and both ultimately seek to gives answers to ontological questions. It seems to me that philosophy is a kind of outgrowth of religion in a lot of ways, and it's well-known that the sciences rose from different branches of philosophy. There could be fundamental differences for which I'm not accounting, but I'd rather believe that we all seek the truth and our natures guide us on different paths, any or all of which may be correct.
Oh, and a kind of funny thing I realized. I told Porath that religious people could, in fact, be right about the nature of being and all that garbage and he replied, "Yeah, but even if they are right, they don't know they're right."
I had to think about that one for a bit before I realized that he was talking about knowledge in the empirical sense. They haven't conducted experiments with beakers and diagrams and equations and fat chemistry teachers, so they can't demonstrate that they're right. In order to say that, though, you have to put faith in the scientific method and the capability of scientific concepts to uncover basic truths about existence. And in my mind--and see if this makes any sense to you--good Christians know they're right even if they aren't right. That's what faith is!