Married life obstacles.
I've found married life to be lovely, though in all honesty not exceptionally different from "living together" life. It's very nice to always have a companion, to have someone to be able to vent to and share with at any given monent. It's more than very nice to be able to share in the love that only continues to grow with each day, whether it be a day filled with peaks or pitfalls. I like it when people call me Mrs. Yap, I like wearing the wedding band along with my shiny and seeing Lowell wear his. I like it when people ask Lowell how his wife is doing, and I like being able to say I'm doing this or that with my husband.
It seems like the obstacle I'm going to have the most time getting over is the whole "two families" thing. The most recent frustration I'm having is with Mother's Day (Mothers' Day? I have no idea). I had Lowell ask his parents what they wanted to do for Mother's Day, and they mentioned going out for lunch to such and such a place. I then had him ask if I should invite my mother and Nana, or if it should be a "Yap thing". I never should have added that caveat, because now it is assuredly a Yap thing.
This is not the first time this has happened. The last time or two I've asked if I could invite members of my family to something, I wasn't told no, but I wasn't immediately told yes, either. There was a sudden silence, which I'm learning from his mother often means "I don't like/want this, but I don't want to offend/upset you." So the last few times we've done anything with his parents, it's been just that: with his parents. The fact that this is the third or so time this has happened makes me paranoid that they do not like my family and do not want to say so to my face. I am likely overreacting, seeing as they are getting used to the whole "my son is married and there is another family involved" as much as we are, and as much as my family is. It's just slightly upsetting that my family has invited them to every holiday thing or event that we've had since we got engaged, and the only thing they've attended was Hans' wake and funeral. As far as I know right now, they only thing my family has been directly invited to has been the shower Lowell's mother threw for me when we got married.
I'm going to have to give this all time. I'm also going to have to set the pattern of what we do where and when. Something like Thanksgiving we could do bi-yearly, for example. Christmas is easy, since my side is all whacked out thanks to appeasing the matriarch, and Lowell's family is pretty set with what they do. Easter might be destined to be a two family affair, which is exhausting. We will have to set up something people come to us for, too, as that's how things often run (example: Maureen, as eldest sister on Mom's side, hosts big holidays like Thanksgiving and Easter, Judi has a Christmas Day open house thing, and Mom had the hog roast in the summer). It's going to be tough to balance, but the sooner we get into a habit, the better it will be.
So for Mother's Day, I will enjoy my time with Lowell's parents. This is her first Mother's Day with a daughter (so to speak), and I will do what I can to make it enjoyable for her. I will also attempt to curb my irritation should they ask us again where their grandchildren are, so as to not ruin the day.
If it gets asked, however, it will not be long after such a nice day that I will finally have to ask them to stop asking. It now feels like something owed to them, more than anything else. It also feels to me that it will be less exciting to announce it to them, since they feel the need to ask about it every time we see them. Oh, well.
Work, then home, then measuring for blinds (?), then laundry, then walking, then dinner, then chilling, then bed.
It seems like the obstacle I'm going to have the most time getting over is the whole "two families" thing. The most recent frustration I'm having is with Mother's Day (Mothers' Day? I have no idea). I had Lowell ask his parents what they wanted to do for Mother's Day, and they mentioned going out for lunch to such and such a place. I then had him ask if I should invite my mother and Nana, or if it should be a "Yap thing". I never should have added that caveat, because now it is assuredly a Yap thing.
This is not the first time this has happened. The last time or two I've asked if I could invite members of my family to something, I wasn't told no, but I wasn't immediately told yes, either. There was a sudden silence, which I'm learning from his mother often means "I don't like/want this, but I don't want to offend/upset you." So the last few times we've done anything with his parents, it's been just that: with his parents. The fact that this is the third or so time this has happened makes me paranoid that they do not like my family and do not want to say so to my face. I am likely overreacting, seeing as they are getting used to the whole "my son is married and there is another family involved" as much as we are, and as much as my family is. It's just slightly upsetting that my family has invited them to every holiday thing or event that we've had since we got engaged, and the only thing they've attended was Hans' wake and funeral. As far as I know right now, they only thing my family has been directly invited to has been the shower Lowell's mother threw for me when we got married.
I'm going to have to give this all time. I'm also going to have to set the pattern of what we do where and when. Something like Thanksgiving we could do bi-yearly, for example. Christmas is easy, since my side is all whacked out thanks to appeasing the matriarch, and Lowell's family is pretty set with what they do. Easter might be destined to be a two family affair, which is exhausting. We will have to set up something people come to us for, too, as that's how things often run (example: Maureen, as eldest sister on Mom's side, hosts big holidays like Thanksgiving and Easter, Judi has a Christmas Day open house thing, and Mom had the hog roast in the summer). It's going to be tough to balance, but the sooner we get into a habit, the better it will be.
So for Mother's Day, I will enjoy my time with Lowell's parents. This is her first Mother's Day with a daughter (so to speak), and I will do what I can to make it enjoyable for her. I will also attempt to curb my irritation should they ask us again where their grandchildren are, so as to not ruin the day.
If it gets asked, however, it will not be long after such a nice day that I will finally have to ask them to stop asking. It now feels like something owed to them, more than anything else. It also feels to me that it will be less exciting to announce it to them, since they feel the need to ask about it every time we see them. Oh, well.
Work, then home, then measuring for blinds (?), then laundry, then walking, then dinner, then chilling, then bed.