“You just have to see Whitechapel” (1921)
...We were on a ferry between Dieppe and Newhaven when some young liar recommended: “You just have to see Whitechapel! It is tremendously interesting. The local Chinese are fierce like the Boxers. The Jews are straight from the biblical Jerusalem. When you go, place guns in both pockets, and keep your fingers on the triggers. Give ten shillings to a policeman so he rides a taxi with you, otherwise help you god...”
She spent all morning whipping up her hair, contouring her eyes and tearing the buttons off her jacket, trying to nail the ‘apache look’. Finding no guns to stuff into our pockets, we kept our fingers on our wallets when we tried to explain to a street policeman the nature of our request and the promise of ten shillings. He listened very attentively, took off his helmet and disappeared into the alley.
“The police are in cahoots with them,” concluded my ‘apache’.
“Shall we go home then?”
“No way. I’m not a coward. My father has earned a Cross of St George, and I’m...”
On and on she went, like artillery fire.
This proved to be the most idiotic Sunday since the dawn of the Christian era. The Chinese were ushering us into their restaurants. The Jews were selling us the postcards. Beggars ran to us from the alleys, with hands outstretched. The contents of my wallet was evaporating. No Boxers, no Bible... We went home to reattach the buttons to her jacket and to refill my wallet...
Translated from Voldemar Vetlugin, Heroes and Imaginary Portraits (Berlin, 1922)