there is a place in the red light district of your heart that i used to visit.
dear livejournal,
sometimes i wonder to myself..who are my true friends? does anyone really care about me? who will be there in 5..10 months? this thought scares me because..
i don’t know the answer.
i miss having a set group of friends. i never had to feel funny calling someone to hang out. i never worried if they thought i was being desperate. i never had to think 'they're definitely saying shit about me.' after i leave. everything just changed so fucking abruptly and i don't even know the exact reasons why. i've met some cool people but..i don't know. i don't know if it was worth it.
this past year has shown me a lot. people are vile. no one is safe from gossip. they act like your friends but when you are gone, you’re vulnerable to degrading comments and embarrassment. chances are,you won't find out. i find myself being sucked into this many of the time and i stop myself. and these are the people you call friends. yeah,really good friends.
not to sound vain, but i wonder if anyone would even pay attention to me if i didn’t look the way i did. if i wore shitty clothes,but i was still the same person,i doubt people would talk to me. that’s just the way it is,i guess. you are rejected and praised for how people perceive you. it makes the world go round. pretty fucking sad.
oh the drama.