i am lady lazarus with my red hair and i eat men like air
I finished my thesis. I handed in a giant envelope to Annette and it was over.
In a way, I wish I'd gotten to have a capstone presentation of some sort. I know that a forty-five page research/analysis paper entitled "Permanent Adolescents and Premature Adults: Deafness in Contemporary Memoir" is not nearly as cool or aesthetically pleasing as a musical or a group of scenes, but I would like to be able to share my work with people. I've enjoyed seeing what my friends are up to this semester/year and what's been running through their heads. Maybe I should stage a poetry reading, but that feels uneccessary and vain.
The days laze by, I forget what day of the week it is until someone reminds me to go to graduation speech rehearsal. I went to the Trading Post and got a new barrette. I sold some old books and bought three of the eight I need for my Expatriate Literature class in Madrid. The Sheltering Sky looks really good. I sold two dresses at Design Archives and got a new pair of shoes. In a world where everything is bought and sold, today I bartered.
What I am trying to get at, I think, is what it feels like to be done with something. I won't be leaving Greensboro for another month, so the finality of being finished with college hasn't quite sunk in yet. Until I got the email about class syllabi today I wasn't even fully cognizant of the fact that I was going to Spain. How much do we live our lives, and how much do we float in them, characters in a picaresque? I think I will go out for a walk just before dusk and photograph my city in the dim, velvety light.